What is he thinking?

[jockboy01]

Way to not be tempted to pick up the cell phone. And I like the comment about have to go to work chat again soon. It's not as obscessive. And yes, I know how badly you want it to work out... just don't let that work against you. That means you have to consciously say to yourself to back off a bit. You're doing well and whatever comes will come.

 

[confusedboy23]

I think if u look back at this thread - and reread what u have written - and put urself in ur friend's shoes .............. u will realize that u r overdoing it - and if u were him, u might, make that probably would be, freaked out over ur over attention

I'm hoping that I haven't scared him away just yet. I am definitely taking this whole thing a little slower now. I have promised myself no more daily texting, at least for the next few days!

 

[confusedboy23]

Way to not be tempted to pick up the cell phone. And I like the comment about have to go to work chat again soon. It's not as obscessive. And yes, I know how badly you want it to work out... just don't let that work against you. That means you have to consciously say to yourself to back off a bit. You're doing well and whatever comes will come.

So, I did the right thing by saying "Have to go to work, chat soon"?

I was really tempted to say "Hey, where are you? Why are you not replying me?"!

Although I think I know that I did the right thing, I felt really bad just leaving the AIM conversation just like that. I mean, it was a bit abrupt, wasn't it? I guess I did not really have a choice. I did have to go to work and he wasn't at his computer.

And now that I am texting him less, I'm just hoping that he's not pissed at that or thinks that I couldn't care less about him or that I am no longer interested in him or whatever. Maybe that's just me and my crazy head!

 

[luminum]

I think few people care to follow the non-existent and insignificant etiquette of online conversation. So no, I don't think he will mind.

 

[jockboy01]

Although I think I know that I did the right thing, I felt really bad just leaving the AIM conversation just like that. I mean, it was a bit abrupt, wasn't it? I guess I did not really have a choice. I did have to go to work and he wasn't at his computer.

Yeah, you did the right thing. I get nervous when I think a guy is planning his whole life around me. I have a lot things going on in life and don't want to feel like I have to report in to somebody all of the time. And I think most guys feel the same way.

I think you're doing well. Keep it up!

 

[confusedboy23]

I think you're doing well. Keep it up!

Thank you, jockboy01!

I'm looking forward to texting him later this week and let him know that my leave request has just been approved.

I can only hope that this will go down with him well.

I mean, I have told him before I left that I will be coming back to "XXX City" again real soon and in a previous text, I did say I couldn't wait to be "there" again next month. For all intents and purposes, I have tried to avoid using the word "you"!

I can't believe it - this week is almost over and it's been like 4 days since I've been in touch with him, and nearly 2 weeks has come and gone since I got back here from that awesome weekend.

 

[confusedboy23]

I have made it this far - 5 days without texting him and I thought it was time now. I've just picked up the phone and sent him a message to see what he was up to this weekend.

I am rather nervous right now because he has not replied. It has only been 15 minutes though. He could be at work and I really am hoping that is the case. Well, I think that is the case.

For some odd reasons, I feel like I was able to hold myself together better the past couple of days than I am right now. My feet and hands are cold, and I'm like like, ugghhh, breaking apart just waiting!

Just ranting again. I'm going to make myself go out of the house today just to keep myself sane for a little while.

 

[G-Lexington]

You've made contact. The chances that he didn't get your message are very very small. It's now up to him to respond. Don't sit around waiting for him to do so. You've got a life to live.

Lex

 

[tmb1]

Not to be harsh, but why don't you take this time that your are "obsessing" over his responding, to look up therapists in your area and start seeing one. Trust me, you are not going to have ANY healthy relationship in the future until you get to the "mental" answers of why you are acting this way(and how to stop and live a happy healthy life).

 

[3nipples]

I agree with the others that obsessing will drive a guy away, but in this case it doesn't matter because the two of you never got that close.

Usually when guys are interested, they persue, just like you're doing. The fact that he isn't, suggests that nothing you do or don't do will make a couple out of the two of you.

 

[jockboy01]

I tend to agree with Lex on this one. It is up to him. If he doesn't respond just think of it as his loss.

 

[Aratron]

Hmm, this opened my eyes a little bit since I'm kinda in the same situation.

Good luck confused boy

 

[confusedboy23]

Hmm, this opened my eyes a little bit since I'm kinda in the same situation.

Good luck confused boy

Thanks Aratron! I hope things work out for you too.

 

[Aratron]

Thanks Aratron! I hope things work out for you too.

Thanks!! I'm trying not to think about that much

 

[confusedboy23]

boy, can I relate to this. I find that when I really like somebody, a day without hearing from them throws my mind into these thoughts of "what if he doesn't like me" and "why isn't he calling me" etc. It's horrible and I'm glad I'm not the only one that does that.

In this case, I would agree to slow down. Believe me, I KNOW how hard it is. But don't text him for a while. Maybe wait a week (that seems to be my cutoff these days) and if you haven't heard from him send him a short message like "so how's being XX years old going?" Nothing too fancy. See if he texts back. If not, wait another week. If he doesn't respond to that one, I'd say things aren't looking good.

As stated, people move at different speeds. Furthermore, I have found that guys are more attracted to guys that don't overtly show that they like them. It makes no sense, but seems to hold true. So maybe don't text at all and wait for him. I've tried this and am rarely successful. I'm currently trying it again. It is terribly hard b/c if you like somebody you want them to like you back SOOOO badly. But take a breath and realize that there are a lot of guys out there if this one doesn't work. And slow down a bit. Leave a bit of mystery and hold off and messaging/calling him every chance you get. At the beginning of a relationship, I think this is beneficial. But don't play hard to get... just don't be over eager... it's a fine line.

I've been reading through this thread again, and I guess most of you guys are right - I was rather obsessed about this boy, and maybe I went a little too fast, or maybe he didn't have the slightest feelings for me.

I don't know what I should have done but I guess jockboy sums it really well - when you like someone, a day not hearing from them is like forever!

I did text him on Friday afternoon and there was no reply to that so I shot him another text message on Friday morning just to say I have been able to get leave from work and intend on flying over and hanging out with him again. It wasn't any lovey dovey text, just one intended for a friend. That went unanswered, so I shot him an email too so at least I know if he reads it when he logs on (which isn't all too often).

I guess all I am trying to say is that I am disappointed at the fact that if he had wanted to cut all communication with me, or if I have indeed "freaked" him out, he could have done so long ago - last week after I left. But he did not. WHY?! Why now???!!! I guess I will never know the answer. And, I sure DID avoid showing my obsession by cutting all contact for 5 days!!!!!!

Why are boys so confusing? I mean, too fast is no good, then what about too late??? That's no good too.

I was reading another older thread about Long Distance Relationships, if they are worth it. Well, the writer was worried about confessing to the other because he wasn't sure if it was worth it. He was also afraid to confess his feelings for him. Could this guy be thinking the same? I mean, if I did tell him honestly, wouldn't that have freaked him out all the more? All along, I have been trying to let him know that I enjoy meeting him, and love hanging out with him. There has been no "I miss you" or anything like that. I don't get it!!!

 

[jockboy01]

I guess all I am trying to say is that I am disappointed at the fact that if he had wanted to cut all communication with me, or if I have indeed "freaked" him out, he could have done so long ago - last week after I left. But he did not. WHY?! Why now???!!!

Maybe he was just too nice in the beginning to shut things down. Who knows, we may never know.

Why are boys so confusing? I mean, too fast is no good, then what about too late??? That's no good too.

I tend to think that too late means that it wasn't meant to be. But that's just me.

 

[luminum]

Perhaps he found your persistence overwhelming. What you just did on Friday doesn't seem any better than what you had been doing to begin with.

 

[confusedboy23]

You seem really sweet...and quite honestly, you deserve better anyway.

Awww....thanks huntneo!

 

[confusedboy23]

Maybe he was just too nice in the beginning to shut things down. Who knows, we may never know.

I tend to think that too late means that it wasn't meant to be. But that's just me.

I am feeling on top of the world right now for some reasons. I guess the reason is - I have just received an 'Offline Message' on AIM from him.

Well, he told me that his cell phone was stolen hence he could not reply my texts.

About my trip, this is what he said - "Coming up again eh? Well, that sounds like a plan. "

I replied him and asked what could we be doing together and said I will leave the planning to him.

OK, I am trying to stay grounded and I know I need to think this over rationally.

I guess what is really bothering me now is what vetteboi had to say - could he be doing all this because of guilt?!

And what about jockboy's comments - could he be just "too nice" to want to shut things down? And, is this "too late"?

These are all things that I know I should thoughtfully think of but at the same time, it doesn't hurt to have a friend, does it?

I guess I might shown that I am very interested in him (and hopefully he knows too) but at this stage, maybe we could really do with a real friendship if that at all can happen.

Still confused.....but happier today!

 

[confusedboy23]

Awww...well, at least you have heard from him...and he's explained some things about why he's been MIA for a while.

I feel bad about what I said now. Although, I still stand by what I said about letting him meet you halfway.

I think you did good by leaving the planning up to him. This should give you a sense of how he really feels about you going back to see him again. He'll show signs if he's really excited about you coming and such. Pay attention to his responses as far as what he has planned and if he seems to be looking forward to spending time with you again.

Guys can be so hard to read sometimes.

Awww........don't feel bad! I wasn't expecting that reply at all (but I must say that I was pining for it real bad though), and was already cussing him a little bit.

I guess you're right. This will really be a test of whether or not this friendship can be developed any further. I hope that it will go well but.....I guess I will never know until the next couple of days. The only problem though, he does not log on to the computer all that often so that's a real pain. I know that it's not because he does not want to, but with him juggling two jobs, he hardly has time to even sleep!