What is your opinion on men who say "I'm not into the gay scene"

[Shepherd 2]

I think this post may help the discussion, as it seems people see different things as "scene" here.
I don't get where it is coming from that the "scene" solely means hookups and parties. The "scene" for me is every part of the gay subculture.
Chickenguy was on a CSD/pride march. That is part of the scene. JUB is a part of the scene. As are gay dating websites .. whether you are looking for hookups or LTRs doesn't really matter.
Would you like the term "gay subculture" better?
In the end labels don't matter.

As many see straight people ,who have to express their disgust with "the homos" all the time, as "suspicious"; I see gays, who have to express their disgust with "the scene" all the time, as "suspicious". In both cases there are usually underlying issues to make them that vocal about it.
People who just don't care about the homos or the scene - just don't care about them.

Thanks for this clarifying post Corny. I agree that the concept of what is the "gay scene" is not clear at all. So how one responds then is not so important. I would move on in the conversation to other interests that may be clearer and more interesting for an exchange of ideas.

Shep+

 

[SexyKev]

I say it. And I refer to the "gay scene" as gay clubs, pubs, bars, Balls and ect. I don't get into all that.

 

[mbamike]

I would take that statement to mean the guy is not interested in going to a bar or club for the purpose of finding a hook up for casual sex.

 

[Mstrshake]

omfg what a homophobe!!

 

[cariblk]

I think they mean the drama that ussually associated with the gay scene

 

[fetaby]

If so many GAY men are not into the GAY scene, how can we justify calling it the GAY scene?

Also, by virtue of being GAY why isn't everything a GAY person does included in the GAY scene?

The GAY scene is a marketing campaign and either way we are buying into it.

 

[altlover85]

If I read that in a profile it would probably put me off a bit, but if there were other interesting parts of the profile where we had common interests, I might be interested.

I like to go out once or twice a month generally, so if you weren't down with that, I'd probably not be thrilled, but again relationships are about compromise.

Thanks for this clarifying post Corny. I agree that the concept of what is the "gay scene" is not clear at all. So how one responds then is not so important. I would move on in the conversation to other interests that may be clearer and more interesting for an exchange of ideas.

Shep+

I think this is an excellent way to handle it.

 

[Paws]

I don't know where the "gay scene" begins, so I don't even know if I'm already in it or not.

 

[Orlandude]

I understand it to mean they are not into the bar scene. I have many friends who are partnered and otherwise "out" but they have no interest in the bar scene and they refer to it as "not being into the gay scene". Speaking for myself, I do ocassionally go to the bars but I do not allow my life to revolve around the bars. I know many people who do and that's fine for them. They are bar people who feel that they HAVE to be in the bars to express their gayness and it's their only social outlet, which is sad. Whatever. As many people as you do see in the bars, that's how many more that never/seldom go to the bars. I think you also reach a point where you outgrow the bar scene.

 

[Sha-Rok]

When I see that I typically think one of three things.
1. This person simply doesn't identify with the club culture.
2. This person has had a bad experience.
3. This person may be in the closet.

 

[PSCGuy]

@Hard-up1: ^^^ THIS. Thanks for expressing it so well.

I agree wholeheartedly.

 

[belamyi]

But here in the UK, 'scene' refers to the bar/club scene - not to dating sites, pride marches etc. It seems to be locally specific rather than all encompassing.

For example, many people go on the London, Manchester. Birmingham pride marches that never go to local bars and clubs and therefore wouldn't class themselves as part of the 'scene'.

They are not part of the scene, they just jump on the scenario once a year or so.

Corny seems the only one showing a real deep and wide understading of the topic.
It would be silly to say that I am not part of the "gay scene" because I don't go clubbing or parading, while I "just" post on JUB and visit gayromeo on a daily basis...

 

[belamyi]

by "deep and wide understanding," do you mean "agreeing with you"?

Meaning not just writing good, insightful posts like Hard-up's, but not limiting the topic to one's own views.

 

[altlover85]

Meaning not just writing good, insightful posts like Hard-up's, but not limiting the topic to one's own views.

When I read scene I think of bars and clubs primarily and secondarily GLBT fundraisers and charity events. I don't think of internet websites because you don't physically go there, but that's me.

 

[paatreides]

One of my very, very good friends (who is an out gay) now says the same thing: "I'm just not into the gay scene anymore."

And, by that, he simply means he's not into going to the clubs at 11pm every night to drink and dance. An occassional foray, perhaps... like once a year if his long-time partner wants to go.

I don't think it means anything more than that.

 

[altlover85]

I don't even see charities or fundraisers are part of the "scene." To me, "scene" implies "superficial." The word just has a negative connotation. I don't equate the internet with it much, either.

It's obvious we all have different interpretations, which is why when people do dis the gay scene in a profile, etc., they should probably do some work to elaborate on what they don't like about it. (Or better yet, listing the interests they actually enjoy).

People do that in profiles?

 

[belamyi]

When I read scene I think of bars and clubs primarily and secondarily GLBT fundraisers and charity events. I don't think of internet websites because you don't physically go there, but that's me.

Only your mind is "there", for whatever it's worth...

Leave a bomb to explode in the subway, leave before it gets off and, since you were not physically there, you would not have actually killed anyone.

That would make all those who would be pissed at my posts all the more idiotic, since they would be pissed by no one...

 

[belamyi]

^Horrible analogy is horrible.

"Horrible" not as "bad" but as "shocking" for so hitting the nail on the head in a crude way, isn't it?

I don't think it's a stretch to say that plenty of people see "scenes" as places of real physical interaction with others, not strokes on a keyboard.

Like it's not a stretch to say that plenty of people see clubs as places for getting high on drugs and crappy tunes and covering criminal activities, not places in which to meet people and have fun 8)

 

[altlover85]

Only your mind is "there", for whatever it's worth...

Leave a bomb to explode in the subway, leave before it gets off and, since you were not physically there, you would not have actually killed anyone.

That would make all those who would be pissed at my posts all the more idiotic, since they would be pissed by no one...

I'm not debating whether or not you are real. I'm debating the idea that a scene can be something that's not a physical place.

If you are bombing something there are real results, just like me typing this post produces an end product.

 

[belamyi]

I'm not debating whether or not you are real. I'm debating the idea that a scene can be something that's not a physical place.

If you are bombing something there are real results, just like me typing this post produces an end product.

So you are proudly contradicting yourself.