What one can, and can't, offer in a relationship

[rm71182]

So here's a dilemma I feel like I'm facing. On the sexual front, I don't know that I can offer everything that a normal guy would want. Blow jobs and affection...hell yes. But I'm not a top, and bottoming is tough for me (occasions are going to be few and far between). I love bottoming at times, but only sporadically.

But on the flip side, I feel I have a lot to offer. I'm radically loyal to my mates, am basically a perfect boyfriend when it comes to being attentive/understanding. I'm smart and have a successful career (but I feel like that means nothing--who the fuck cares about something so trivial when there's other issues at stake?).

More importantly, I'm mature enough to know that simple things like doing laundry or fixing dinner are, in the long run, as important as anything in a relationship. I want a relationship where I have someone's clothes to fold 20 years from now--where they come home, put an arm around my shoulder, and then we quarrel over what drawer to put them in. That gets me as aroused as anything!

How many guys are out there feel the same way? I honestly don't know. I'm 26 and my suspicion is that very few guys feel this way. Thats the main thing keeping me from dating. I feel like gay guys my age are total sex gods and I'm missing out cause that's not me--I can't fit that role(either as top or bottom).

 

[72-Jay]

Sounds to me like you'd be a good find for someone who was looking for more of a meaningful relationship, rather than a 'just sex' type relationship

 

[72-Jay]

As for me I feel I'd have absolutely nothing to offer someone with the exception being that I'd never cheat

 

[eastofeden]

I think it is great that you know what you have to bring to the table...and you have a lovely fantasy about what kind of relationship that you would want.

Seriously though...I would 86 the "am I the only one" and "is there anybody else" dialogue because I think it is really energy draining and so will alot of other people....and I watched the people who framed their "search" with that kind of thinking date and the kind of guys who will often respond to that are the kinds of guys who will tell you exactly what it is you want to hear. Presenting yourself as a martyr in any sense will attract a predatory man or even worse someone else who will be a mirror...and not a pretty one...and the people who had "so much in common" often end up hating each others guts. I have had a front row seat for hundreds of male/male relationships.

Me and my BF (of almost 27 years) have never had oral sex...and what does that mean? Absolutely nothing. We didn't "plan" it...it happened. Relationships are all about compromise and communication so if there is too much control and conditions from one person it can be a bumpy ride.

Plenty of gay men have long term and lifelong successful and loving relationships so obviously you are not the only man on the entire planet who "feels this way". One more thing....let the other guy decide if you are truly a "perfect boyfriend".

 

[Seasoned]

This is our 30th year together and while most of our sex has been in one direction there is still the occasional surprise and complication ( I've had prostate cancer and a prostatectomy). While you seem to know your libido, be open to letting it surprise you. Potential partners and husbands aren't cookie cutter replicates, meaning that they will bring different personalities, wants and needs to the table. Be willing to explore with them.

The main advice I offer is to be an open person in at least an intellectual sense. Convincing yourself you'll forever dislike something is living a closed life. It doesn't hurt to revisit some if our dislikes every few years. You might surprise yourself.

I'll give a non-relationship example. When my children (I have two) were young I insisted they try new foods and comment, if they had to with, "I don't like this yet." Knowing that taste buds change I didn't want them locking themselves into unnecessary restriction. Today, my daughter eats sushi while I do not. "But, dad, you made us try everything." And, I reply, "And now you know why. I didn't want to pass on my dislikes to you."

 

[nycguydowntown]

The great thing about guy relationships is they are usually best friends---soul mates if you will---(and many of my str friends don't have this in the way they want it) there are like minded guys like you---and he will probably be your best friend and that will be more important than if you have having anal sex every day.

 

[Scealle]

I would say they are definitely out there. You just have to be patient and keep looking. Not all guys in their 20's want sex all the time haha, people knows how to control their hormones too haha. I personally believe that there's more to life than sex. You sound like a really great person. wish you all the best

 

[sixthson]

Until you are actually in a relationship, you won't know for sure what you can bring to it. What you have to offer a relationship is much different than what you would do with casual sex. In a relationship, you spend lots of time (hopefully) getting to know each other and your bodies. You let your guard down and are willing to try things you might not have thought you would. You find that sex is passionate, playful and tender. Love makes the difference.

I have no advice on laundry or housekeeping since I am ignorant on the topic.