what should i and my friend do?

[G-Lexington]

He's showed you where his line is. When he's available (not married), he'll crawl in bed with you, jack off with you, and let you suck him off. But outside of the bedroom, you're his friend, and nothing more.

This line will not change. You had him in that position before, and he threw it over to marry a woman. One with whom he at least THOUGHT he had an emotional connection. A connection which he cannot and will not have with you.

Given this, I'm not sure why you'd want to hook back up with him. Even if he were available, the best he can offer you is a lopsided, pseudo-relationship. Yeah, it'd be wonderful if he came to his senses and decided he really loved you, and wanted to be in a full-on relationship with you. But that ain't gonna happen.

I'd say work on getting over him, and look for somebody with whom you CAN have a full relationship. Once you find him (or her), you'll truly understand how lacking this other one was.

Lex

 

[Lube]

So if he's unhappy and they get a divorce what should he do come back to my state or stay in his state..i know he has kids but i know if they got a divorce she wouldn't let him be apart of the kids lives probably, she'd just put him on child support.

That all depends on what state he's in. He needs to talk to a lawyer ASAP.

Well, now that he admits he's bi, is he open to being in a relationship with a man (namely, you)?

No reason you can't raise his kids as a family.

But will he leave her? Why is she pregnant with twins if he's so unhappy?

Something doesn't seem right here.

 

[Seasoned]

Your friend should do whatever he can to maintain a relationship with his children. As for the rest, only he knows the true nature of his sexuality. I was there at one time. He may be fighting demons. He may also attempt straight marriage again and more children. As a friend, I'd suggest therapy to sort matters out. This could be a question of self-acceptance.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>BUt i understand where u are coming from but no matter what thats my best friend

Hey, I'm tight with my best friend, too. But I don't sleep with him. And he doesn't expect me to give him "benefits" when it's convenient for him. He encouraged me to date, and was extremely happy when I got a guy I could be in a full-fledged relationship with. Just as I was stoked when he met his (now longterm) girlfriend.

Stay good friends, but find somebody else to fall in love with.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

So if he's unhappy and they get a divorce what should he do come back to my state or stay in his state..i know he has kids but i know if they got a divorce she wouldn't let him be apart of the kids lives probably, she'd just put him on child support.

I would love for him to come back so we can continue what we had but i would feel bad for his kids...but if they all moved here (which there is a chance) i know he would cheat on her w/ me...and i don't condone cheating...sigh

That is a big if isn't it?

He says he loves his wife and has twins on the way and you already have him getting divorced and moving back to be with you.

To preserve his marriage and fulfill his responsibility to his children, I think you should leave him alone. He should get new friends who won't be looking for every way possible to split him away from his family and wife.

Little thing though. Is he just one more closet homosexual who thought he would be 'cured' if he just got a wife and kids and so is on a path to make three other people's lives a wreck as well?

 

[hylas]

uh... dont take this the wrong way but it sounds like your friend is a bit of an asshole (having kids with a woman he isnt happy with), youre not exactly innocent either (hoping for him to put you above his kids), and the relationship you guys have seems unbalanced and unhealthy. you say hes your best friend. be honest with yourself: is this really a friendship? or is it just you obsessing over some guy youd like to be in a relationship with but cant, and him using you to get some orgasms without commiting?

in any case, i think you are very unimportant in this whole equation. the most important thing is that he can be a good father for his kids, no matter how, no matter what.

 

[hylas]

just saying how it looks from where im standing, based on the info youve given us. i find it funny how you ask for opinions, then start thrashing around as soon as somebody sais something you dont want to hear.

 

[rareboy]

^ just wait.

I have to say. My heart breaks for the kids.

Once again. Proof it takes no talent to breed.

 

[rareboy]

^ very healthy.

 

[G-Lexington]

I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to accept the fact that homosexuals can't see and/or comprehend some really basic things the way you do.

Lex

 

[hylas]

nobody knows your situation like you do, obviously. but sometimes people who stand on the outside can see things that the people who stand in the middle of it miss. thats why youre asking the question in a public forum full of strangers to begin with, right?

so, from the outside, statements like these...

I would love for him to come back so we can continue what we had but i would feel bad for his kids...

If they stay together fine i wouldn't like it cause i know how she is...

But as i told my friend once they get a divorce we can go from there...

... give the distinct impression that you are not a constructive force to that family, no matter how much you claim you only care for the kids. so maybe the best thing you can do for the kids is to just stay away from him. wasnt it you who loudly declared that people shouldnt go after married folks? arent you doing exactly that?

besides, all this smells very familiar. the married guy who strings along the other person by telling them how unhappy they are in their marriage, and how they will get a divorce as soon as *insert random event here.* those things never end well for the other person, so again, maybe you should just walk away.

it sure looks like that from where im standing, but maybe im totally wrong, maybe i missunderstood. no reason to get all pissy.

 

[rareboy]

wasnt it you who loudly declared that people shouldnt go after married folks? arent you doing exactly that?

besides, all this smells very familiar. the married guy who strings along the other person by telling them how unhappy they are in their marriage, and how they will get a divorce as soon as *insert random event here.*

It just can't end well, can it?

 

[G-Lexington]

Exactly! See, she's all WRONG for him! You just want him to be happy, and you can clearly see that this woman is NOT want will make him happy!

Totally different from those other cases when a guy is interested in somebody already in a relationship.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

How am i going after a married guy? thats my best friend...we never had a relationship...we messed around. We lived together so it happened practically every day. We were never in a relationship.

Seriously.

She's bi polar

her moms disabled

lives with 8 cats PLUS other animals (sick!)

She probably cheats

I think the disabled mom is what really makes her wrong for her man.

 

[TX-Beau]

SO, first you say you weren't living together, now you say you were. You've known him for three years, and went from friends to "best friends," but though he let you suck him off, he told you he would never date you.

In the meantime, not only do you have this "thing," you were doing every day, and apparently you moved in together which wasn't your story before, but then he obviously moved out really quick. So he had time to move to another town, date, then wed some woman, get her pregnant, tell you he loves her, then get disillusioned and start pining for you. All of that between 18 and 21.

Sounds like an immature toddler man to me.

You say HE says he loves HER, but tells you, that you're all he thinks about. You know he's getting a divorce, from a marriage which can't have lasted that long - and you go off on a bunch of speculation about her, vilifying her, whom you don't know (I expect we'll now hear how you knew her all along and know for a fact that she's a bitch, and that's why you're free to do all those thing you condemned in your other thread.) But he's the one calling up some gay guy looking for a free blowjob (now we'll hear how he did at some point mention that he wanted to date you), but she's the bitch. that's not really consistent. According to you, he told you explicitly he'd never want you.

So what do you expect us to tell you?

I suspect that this guy didn't want you, never lived with you, never let you be his suck boy, and isn't going to get a divorce. But you really, really wish that was reality. SO you come in here, to vicariously live out what you wanted to happen in the first place.

Don't bother responding. I've noticed your replies to anyone who doesn't tell you what you want to hear, get tailored to argue with the poster. No matter what you've said previously.

 

[Lefty]

Anyone thought to check with Autolycus and see if one of his forum

members with English as a Second language challenge may have just

wandered into the wrong forum and needs gentle guidance back to his

proper venue? Some of these Artistic types are quite fragile and will

require special handling..........just a thought.

 

[rareboy]

Just check out all the OP's posts in other threads.

 

[Lefty]

I did. Its why I think he might be one of Autos' boys looking for story

ideas. Either that or he is a bipolar freak who has slipped his meds and could

be a danger to himself and/or the environment. Maybe we should just call the

security people have have them deal with it......He really is all-over the place.

Kinda makes Hungs bunnies look positively torpid.

 

[rareboy]

I certainly see what you mean and others have pointed out the inconsistencies in the stories and the attitudes.

But I have to believe the pics in 'Show Yourself Off' have to be real.

 

[G-Lexington]

We seem to be developing several categories where we can put certain CO&R threads.

There's the "soap opera" thread, where the main gist is that the thread keep going, and the OP can do a "OMG guess what happened NOW" update periodically. They can make for interesting reading if you like that sort of thing, but they're rather diametrically opposed to the ostensible point of CO&R, which is to solve (or at least get a handle on) your problems so you can get on with your life.

There's the "Dr Laura" thread. That's where people post problems that appear to have fairly simple and obvious answers, which most people give. Then the OP says something along the lines of "Yeah, I kinda thought you'd say that".

Then there's this kind of thread. Not as common, and harder to pin down.

Generally, the first post presents a situation where a possible outcome is hot sweaty sex, almost always with a "straight" guy. But to achieve that outcome, something "wrong" has to happen somewhere. The guy might be married, or it might involve cheating, or lying to somebody or everybody, or plying somebody with drink and making a move.

It appears the OP is looking for approval. He wants JUBbers to give him the "go for it!" signal. But most of us won't. We'll tell him to back off. At which point, the story often changes. The marriage is on shaky ground. The OP is already on the outs with his boyfriend. The lies and deception aren't really that harsh, and the "straight" guy likes getting drunk and making moves anyway. So now how about some approval?

I don't know what to call these threads. Maybe "can I get an amen" threads?"

Lex