What should I do with this guy?

[Fucker29]

Ok, I never thought I'd make a thread such as this but whatever...here it is. I'd like to hear some advices on how to procede with this guy I met recently.

Some background info:

So I met this guy last week on Monday...pretty much 2 weeks ago...he's also a foreign student here in Budapest, he's italian and he arrived like 1 month ago. Anyway, I saw him at this bar where "everyone" who's a foreign student goes to on mondays. He was totally fucking cute and really caught my eye...he was talking with some friends of mine and I infiltrated into the conversation and started talking to him as well...I used my sense of humor and crazy personality to get his attention...it worked like a charm. He was laughing his ass off and he'd tell me some jokes as well, etc.
Anyway, we got off the bar and went to get a gyros/kebab sandwich...on the way there it was me, him, a portuguese girl and a belgium chick...we were just talking and I was still being my crazy self...wich he was loving. We ate the gyros/kebab and then we left. The 2 girls took the trem to go back home and he and I stayed on the street talking for like 30/40mins...sometimes a bit more of a regular conversation, sometimes it was joking around...and he also has a sense of humor and was also being silly, wich I loved and he was also totally into.
Now, in that conversation there were a couple of hings he gave me. Like, we were standing at the trem stop and I told him I lived like literally 100 meters away from the trem stop. Then we talked about how a certain part of the area I live in is dangerous and that I was kinda scared to wander there...then he asks me "Do you wanna sleep in my place?". I didn't know if he was straight, bi or gay so I was like "Huh? Why would I sleep in your place?", to wich he replied "Oh since you live in a dangerous area I thought you might want to sleep there", when I had told him, and showed him, like 5 minutes before where I live (wich is a large street and peaceful)...that was, IMO, a huge hint.
Then we talked a bit more, sometimes he'd be a bit flirtatious and then we went each one to our places.

Then later in that week we meet again at this flat party...I met him on my way to the party, on a trem stop, when we had to stop somewhere to buy some drinks (I was with two of my flatmates/roomates)...we were talking and then I told him his name sounds almost exactly like a girl's name in portuguese and his flatmate (she's a friend of mine by the way...she moved into his place like a week before) made me a sign like "Shut up! Don't say anything about it!", wich I found weird...I mean, what's the big deal? But THEN he told me "Oh but it is, originally, actually a man's name...but you know, I'm not so straight so...". That...I'm gonna be honest...I was jumping inside from joy! I was so excited! I wasn't sure if he was straight, bi or gay and then he tells me "but I'm not so straight so..." and that totally made me hopeful.
Then, later at the party, of course I would sometimes go after him, sometimes he'd come to me...and he was SOOOO fucking flirting with me...sometimes he'd put his hand on my face and caress my face...and this one time he passed by me and whispered in my ear something like "Oh I really want you..." while rubbing his hands on my chest and stomach.
He kept on giving certain hints throughout the night...like, I usually joke about nationalities and make kind of an offensive comedy type of thing, saying shit about italians, french, etc...and also portuguese and myself of course...and he was like telling everyone outloud "I hate the portuguese but I love him...I love him!", pointing to me of course. He also insisted in us taking a picture together...a funny picture, by the way. If you'd only seen it. lol
Then we went to a club/bar and sometimes he'd caress my face with his hand, give me certain looks and rub his body against mine, etc.
This was on friday or saturday, last week...

Then this monday, he's again at that bar where everyone's at...that's the place to be on mondays for foreign students...and he kept on flirting with me AGAIN, really going at it...we were playing cosball and he'd again caress my face, giving me the looks, making like sexual facial expressions, looking at me and moving his body emulating anal sex and constantly making references to sucking dick, etc...and again that night we spent almost an hour talking in the same trem stop as the week before. Just cracking jokes and being silly...it only reinforced my attraction to him...he also enjoys being silly and non-shameful and really loves my craziness, wich is hard to find, someone able to deal with me. lol
On tuesday, we were at the same place again and he kept, yet again, on flirting with me and when he left...when we shook hands...he wouldn't let go of my hand and was like caressing my hand with his fingers.

We were at the same place on thursday night...two nights ago for me now (it's 7:57am, saturday here already) and 1 night ago probably for most of you in the US (still being friday). Again, he was being flirtatious...he did something that was pretty hardcore...we were playing cosball...we were on the same team...we were actually kind of a dream team I gotta say LOL...'cuz we suck at it but still somehow managed to win a lot of rounds...there was this time he actually told me and forced to play with the middle football players figures and he'd play with figures in the back and in the front...meaning, he was behind me and I was pretty much in his arms almost (HOT!!!) and then he was rubbing his crotch real strong against my ass, like as if he was fucking me in the ass (I wish!) and we actually lost that round 'cause he totally distracted me with that shit...I couldn't even move my hands, therefore, the figures, I was so distracted.

Anyway, I think it's pretty FUCKING OBVIOUS he's into me...and I'm into him and I think he can see it.

Now, the last two times I was the one texting him and asking him where he was going to go to in the night, etc...tonight HE was the one texting ME about what I was planning on doing...wich is a good sign, I assume. It was this spanish chick's birthday party, we met and went together.
Now, I've noticed the way that spanish chick acts towards him...I sensed something there before. Like, he didn't really make a fuss about her but she was, at times only though, all over him.
So, anyway, we were sitting down at the party together...smoking shisha (yummy!)...and we were having a pretty serious conversation...he was talking about some issues of his and his family, some rough stuff he's gone through in the last couple of years and I opened up to him as well...it was a nice, heart to heart conversation. THEN he tells me, later on, "Oh you might've noticed that there's "something" about me and Esperanza but her previous spanish boyfriend is here so I have to stay here".

I'm gonna be honest...that crushed me. Like, when I first saw him, yes his looks were what attracted me first (he's so fucking adorable!) but later on, as I began to see more of his personality, he attracted me so much more, not only physically but also on an emotional level and I've really been developing feelings for this guy.
He's going all hardcore flirting with me and giving me hints and then he tells there's "something" between him and that chick? WTF is up with that? Like, I've never seen them kissing or anything remotely like that...but something about their interaction is slightly more than just friendship...I feel more on her part than his, though. She acts very interested, all over him sometimes and he's kinda acting "normal" about her.

See this as whining or corny or whatever...but I really like this guy and this makes me sad, it hurts.
I guess I'd like some advice as to what do you guys think I should do with this guy? Should I "confront" him and just ask him directly like "Ok, what's going on between us? What's your "agenda" towards me?" or...?

Anyway, I'd like some of you guys's input.

 

[puka-pride]

jesus christ that was a long read

I dunno what advice i could give you on this since i epic fail with guys emotionally all the time

if it were me id be str8 up with him about being attracted... and if he is attracted back then ask him on a date

the fact that he has "something" with that girl doesn't mean anything unless they go official about it

 

[Fucker29]

jesus christ that was a long read

I dunno what advice i could give you on this since i epic fail with guys emotionally all the time

if it were me id be str8 up with him about being attracted... and if he is attracted back then ask him on a date

the fact that he has "something" with that girl doesn't mean anything unless they go official about it

Sowie, Puka hubby. Just noticed how much I've written. I just wanted to try to give as much background info as possible.

Thanks for your input, though...I shall deliberate on it.

 

[Fucker29]

I just noticed some spelling and grammar mistakes. Sorry 'bout that. A bit tipsy now...not too much, just slightly. It was a long night...

 

[Horse90]

Sounds more like he's trying to explain that he's got a small commitment to a friend, as in, since her ex is there, he doesn't wanna leave her alone, not saying they're together. I'm gonna assume he's got a good grasp of Enlish, but if he doesn't, maybe he just worded it wrong.
Overall, I just think he's looking out for this girl as a friend, unless he specifically stated they were together. He may even be pretending to go out with her to make her ex jealous.
So yeah, sorry if I misinterpret it and you said they are definitely going out, but that's what I think.

 

[trawler69]

Well the bloke has effectively come out to you as at the very least Bi. He has been showing you far more attention than he has to this Esperanza chick so it is obvious where his attention lies. Maybe it is your turn to come out to him and show interest or at least talk about his and your feelings.

It would be a shame to let this opportunity go because of your largely un-warrented insecurity about his affections. You only live once, the signs are all positive, you are both obviously good friendship material as you enjoy each others company so you might as well at least talk about it with him.

Go for it

 

[Fucker29]

I couldn't sleep 'cause I was, and still am, having a headache (fucking hangovers!) and I sent him message 'cause he was feeling real sick earlier in the night and had to go home...he was almost throwing up, was pretty bad. I even bought him a mineral water with gas but it wasn't working.
Anyway, I sent him a message asking if he was feeling better and he replied saying he was feeling, only slept 2h but got up in time to go to Vienna with some folks (including the spanish chick)...and then he said he really liked talking to me earlier in the night (the serious, deep conversation we had that I mentioned).
Now that I'm looking back at that conversation I can remember him saying "It's good to finally find someone who understands".

 

[KaraBulut]

It sounds much like what going on with you two is equal except on the subject of flirtation. He's very aggressively flirting with you. You're being a bit more coy.

The only two things that you need in this situation:

1. Figure out what you want
2. Figure out what this guy wants

Right now, this guy is a good friend and you enjoy each other's company. If you want to take this to a new level, then you need to have an honest talk with him.

If this guy is involved with a girl and that's a deal-killer, then put that out there.

If this guy is just looking for a fuck and you're interested in dating, then put that out there.

If you just want a lot of hot-sweaty-buttsex with no commitment but just be friends not boyfriends, then be honest about that.

In short, decide what you want and don't settle for less.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Argh.

OK... first... and I don't mean to be an asshole, but that was a long, meandering read that I wouldn't have bothered with if you hadn't PM'd me asking for advice on it. This is the internet.. peel out the extraneous information from that thread (we don't need to know you were smoking shisha, that the girls you were eating Gyros with were Portuguese and Belgian, etc) and it would be about 1/3 the length. More people would read it all the way through.

Now.. on to the problem.

Lesson #1 "You snooze, you lose."

I taught my little brother and all my younger gay friends. Nothing is more of a turn-off than an indecisive, hesitant man who has to be clubbed and dragged back to the cave before he does anything. He's made it overly and painfully obvious that he was interested in you and you're still acting like some timid virgin waiting for him to make yet another move. I'd have gotten bored and gotten the message that you're not into him ages ago. He practically lay down in front of you with a welcome mat on his back and you're still pussy footing around with this "oh.. I don't know... does he like me?" bullshit that's ended up with your time and his being wasted. You snoozed, you lost. Sorry. I would have moved on to a guy with more balls ages ago.

Lesson #2 "Don't ask me what someone on the other side of the world means"

We don't KNOW what "something" means. Me might mean that they're lovers.. that there's a romantic connection and he might mean that they're very close friends and she's in an uncomfortable situation and he's there as a friend.


In Conclusion. Strap on a pair, man. Holy Fuck. Are you waiting for him to buy advertising time on TV to get your attention? Step up to the plate, be a freaking man, grab the bull by the nuts.. whatever cliche you want.. just stop being so timid. How the fuck does anyone get a date?

 

[Seasoned]

What the fuck are you waiting for? Have some safe fun.

 

[Fucker29]

Thanks for the insight, guys. I'm definately making a move this week and be more agressive instead of being so passive...more proactive. I'm definately also gonna do what skittles said...next time he puts his hand on my face, I'll cover his hand with mine, etc.
One of my flatmates who also know the spanish chick and this italian guy told me they're not together but they have "something"...I'm thinking maybe an open relationship or something similar to fuck buddies (the heterosexual version). Two of my flatmates used to have that arrangement...they weren't together at all but they had something similar to a fuck buddy type of arrangement, it wasn't even an open relationship. I feel this may be the case. And I've been told, wich I wasn't aware of, that such arrangement is very common these days.

I'm also thinking he might've told me about the "thing" between him and Esperanza to test me...to see how I'm going to react to that. I may be reading too much into it but it's quite possible.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Fucker (gezuz that always sounds weird!),

Mate... theres only one real answer here hey... and thats to talk. To have another deep and meaningful... only this time its about you and where he's at.

You're trying to figure out the craziest bunch of mixed signals and messages and all you are going to do is end up hurting yourself and tying yourself up in knots while you try and read all his little signs.

Talk to him mate... I'm sure hes not deliberately playing with your mind, but I'm also not entirely sure that he knows what affect hes having on you either. You've fallen for him... and that has given him the power to hurt you - even if it is accidentally. You dont need to tell him that (yet), but you need to find out where he stands on so many things - you, his sexuality, his relationships.

And then mate, you can decide what you want - that's your right. If hes in an open relationship or similar, well that throws up some more decisions for you. But until then you'll agonize of something you cant be sure of...

And you dont deserve that awful uncertainty that sometimes comes with the hope of something more. You deserve a guy who'll be what you want and need him to be.

Now you've got to talk to him to find out if its him or not.

 

[Fucker29]

This ain't going nowhere.
His deal with Esperanza remains the same thing but I sense he's more into her than she's into him...sometimes he makes some moves but she backs off.
We're very good friends...we go out everyday and you can tell he really really loves my company but I think I need to grow some distance from him 'cause staying around him as a friend, when what I feel is not on a friendship level, while he's all over her (not like that, pervs...but you can now see he's really interested in her) hurts a bit too much sometimes.

So yeah...this has a "FAILED!" stamp on it.

 

[chipity]

maybe he likes her because she responds to his intense flirting

you might still have a chance

 

[Fucker29]

maybe he likes her because she responds to his intense flirting

you might still have a chance

I was a quite down today (not 'cause of this) and I was upset and felt like it's pointless. Now, looking back, there's still a chance I agree. I mean, he continues to say and do things the same things towards me. I've seen him joking with one or two other guys with sexual stuff but not AT ALL the same type as with me...the farthest I've seen him go with another guy was say jokingly "Let's go to my room!". That's it!
And I'm the only one he's physical with...like slapping my ass, rubbing his hands on my torso, caressing my face (he just caressed me under my chin before yesterday...people found it strange and a friend commented on it) and yesterday he rubbed my back with his hand, like comforting me, he kept on doing it for a few seconds for no apparent reason and a girl that was with us noticed it.
I've noticed the looks people sometimes give us...'cause we're always together and the way we interact with each other is also quite...um...particular. lol

I'll come out to him and from there we'll see how it goes. The spanish chick is going back to Spain within 3 weeks...for almost 2 weeks! That'll give me time and space to work on him.

I'm gonna come out to him soon.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

You want my real opinion?

Keep looking.

He's enjoying your dedication to him but he's just not that into you. He's into the girl.

Go find yourself a gay guy. That doesn't happen with them.

 

[KaraBulut]

Never settle for sloppy seconds.

If you're going to be competing with a vague, undefined relationship with a girl, then it sounds like a royal waste of your time.

Of course, that doesn't mean you still can't fuck him. As the saying goes, why buy the cow if the milk is free?

 

[slnattak]

I don't think he's bi at all. I think he's straight, knew you weren't- and he was teasing you. That's what it looks like to me anyway. You got played, and straight guys do that all the time to gay men. Partly to re-asset their masculinity and their own ego. If they can get a gay man to find them sexy, then they themselves feel sexy. All the comments about sucking dick and acting homoerotic only to get you going.

Now of course, you did what most gay guys do when they have trouble- you whine about it on online message boards, instead of seeking revenge in real life. Straight guys know this, so that's why they like to pick on gay men.

Straight guys can be assholes like that. What can I say. (some are genuinely nice, but most of them aren't just like *most* gay men are self-serving assholes) It's a cruel, cold world out there and you kinda just have to take the punches, or get back at him- show him how it feels like. etc.

Sometimes you have to make a choice between your heart and your dick- and while we ideally want them to meet, if that can't happen- I would say your heart/spirit is more important than homoeroticsm, even if it all drives us crazy. Wouldn't you agree?

 

[3nipples]

I was a quite down today (not 'cause of this) and I was upset and felt like it's pointless. Now, looking back, there's still a chance I agree. I mean, he continues to say and do things the same things towards me. I've seen him joking with one or two other guys with sexual stuff but not AT ALL the same type as with me...the farthest I've seen him go with another guy was say jokingly "Let's go to my room!". That's it!
And I'm the only one he's physical with...like slapping my ass, rubbing his hands on my torso, caressing my face (he just caressed me under my chin before yesterday...people found it strange and a friend commented on it) and yesterday he rubbed my back with his hand, like comforting me, he kept on doing it for a few seconds for no apparent reason and a girl that was with us noticed it.
I've noticed the looks people sometimes give us...'cause we're always together and the way we interact with each other is also quite...um...particular. lol

I'll come out to him and from there we'll see how it goes. The spanish chick is going back to Spain within 3 weeks...for almost 2 weeks! That'll give me time and space to work on him.

I'm gonna come out to him soon.

None of this is inconsistent with an Italian hetero male friendship. Trust me on this. I have many hetero as well as gay Italian friends.

 

[puka-pride]

I was a quite down today (not 'cause of this) and I was upset and felt like it's pointless. Now, looking back, there's still a chance I agree. I mean, he continues to say and do things the same things towards me. I've seen him joking with one or two other guys with sexual stuff but not AT ALL the same type as with me...the farthest I've seen him go with another guy was say jokingly "Let's go to my room!". That's it!
And I'm the only one he's physical with...like slapping my ass, rubbing his hands on my torso, caressing my face (he just caressed me under my chin before yesterday...people found it strange and a friend commented on it) and yesterday he rubbed my back with his hand, like comforting me, he kept on doing it for a few seconds for no apparent reason and a girl that was with us noticed it.
I've noticed the looks people sometimes give us...'cause we're always together and the way we interact with each other is also quite...um...particular. lol

I'll come out to him and from there we'll see how it goes. The spanish chick is going back to Spain within 3 weeks...for almost 2 weeks! That'll give me time and space to work on him.

I'm gonna come out to him soon.

you should just come to cananda and let puka take care of you