What should I do!??

[NephilimSin]

Bonjour fellow peoples

I usually don't ask for advice but I kinda need other people's opinion to make a decision.

As of right now, I am holding off of trying to get to know people and to get into a relationship. Because I feel I need to get my priorities straight, like finding a car and getting a job. I feel if I get into a relationship now it would be a bit problematic because I don't have a car to go see him and if we do go out some where I don't want him to be paying for everything. Yeah it would be one thing if he had a car, but I don't want him doing all the work seeing me and I can't do the same for him. Also I am just independent person.

So my question is this, I have been eying couple of people that I find interest in. Should I go talk to them and get to know them while I am trying to get my goals finish? And after when I do accomplish these goals, asking them out would be easier because I got to know them during my period of trying to accomplish my goals? Or should I go with my first plan, just wait to talk to them after I am done getting my goals done?

But........ should I just try to get with them ( or should I say one of them, I am no hoe ) regardless of my priorities? Because acting upon these goals of my mine can take some time and what if one of the guys I like do get with someone and I missed out?

So now I have three options. Or maybe more? Just want to hear other people's opinions. Sorry for the long post....

 

[Corny]

To me my partner always also has been a driving force for me to reach my goals.
Maybe it could help you, too.

 

[trikky]

Don't wait man. I've done that kind of thing before and it ends up that you could find endless excuses not to get involved, while you miss out on life. It's not an either or situation, follow up on these guys and if anything develops it'll probably encourage and inspire you more in your goals. Go for it man.

 

[G-Lexington]

Say you get a job, but it doesn't pay too well. Then what? Do you hold off until you get a BETTER paying job, and a NICER car?

Go. Get to know them. If something develops, you don't have to be a sponge. Invite him over to your place for popcorn and a DVD, or a similar other cheap-y date. If he asks you where YOU want to go, pick a cheaper restaurant or an inexpensive fun activity.

Lex

 

[lonnie1]

Live for the moment. If you find a guy and he is not willing to stay with you through the bad times, then he's not for you in the first place.

 

[Elwood]

I know what you mean because I am in the same situation, and have thought exactly the same thing. So this advice is for me and you. lol

Just go for it!

 

[Mehdilicious]

OMG , I'm in the exact same situation , like I can't seem to be able to evolve in any kind of relationship, cause I don't have a car, I still stay at my parents and I just cant have people sleeping over or anything, cant drive anywhere, instead I just have BMW ( Bus, Walk and Metro), I'm cheap so I can't real commit to anyone until I get it together in my life and get an appartment, a car so I can drive my man wherever he wants and enough money to buy him dinner and travel together ! man, I hear you ! I'm in the exact same dilemma !

I say try to keep in touch with them and when you finally achieve your goals, call them back and ask for a date and you take it from there ! Good luck ! it's just a matter of time I guess .

 

[KaraBulut]

You're creating choices where there are options.

There's no reason why you have to choose dating or improving your lot in life. You can do both.

Not everyone you meet or date is going to become a serious relationship. In fact, dating is almost like an interview process where you end up turning away most and hiring very few.

There's no reason why you can't meet people and date while you're working on the rest of your life. In fact, having a healthy social life and healthy sex life is part of being a well-rounded person... and being a well-rounded person makes you a much more desirable partner.

 

[NephilimSin]

Thanks you guys some much.

You all had very good advice, and you guys are right. I think I should give it a go and see what happens. and Karabulut, you are so right. I didn't realize that I am creating choices where there are options. I can be soooo dumb sometimes. But yeah I can try and do both and see where it goes.

and again, I really, really do thank you guys

 

[tallguy297]

Hey NephilimSin,

Mate, these things dont have to be mutually exclusive - in fact if you take Karas advice to the extreme, your work and car situation offer opportunities right now that might never come along again.

Things like meeting people on buses and trains. Meeting people at job interviews, work places and agencies. And why are those guys there? Because they are in the same boat as you right now.

Opportunities in life come along every day... hell every minuite of everyday virutally... its just a matter of being open and aware of them.

Whether its work, friendship, love or happiness, being able to recognize chances and not let our own fear and limitations stop us from taking those chances is really important. Only you can limit yourself.

Get out there mate, and just keep your eyes and your ears open for everything that you want and grab which ever one comes along without fear or regret!

 

[NephilimSin]

Hey NephilimSin,

Mate, these things dont have to be mutually exclusive - in fact if you take Karas advice to the extreme, your work and car situation offer opportunities right now that might never come along again.

Things like meeting people on buses and trains. Meeting people at job interviews, work places and agencies. And why are those guys there? Because they are in the same boat as you right now.

Opportunities in life come along every day... hell every minuite of everyday virutally... its just a matter of being open and aware of them.

Whether its work, friendship, love or happiness, being able to recognize chances and not let our own fear and limitations stop us from taking those chances is really important. Only you can limit yourself.

Get out there mate, and just keep your eyes and your ears open for everything that you want and grab which ever one comes along without fear or regret!

Very good point, everywhere in I go I can find happiness and I can find that while achieving my goals. I guess I was just over thinking things and thinking that getting my priorities straight was the right thing to do. I thank you for this advice, and go out there and don't limit myself to anything that comes my way

 

[MindBlast]

Also if you do get a car, it should be because YOU want it. I know car advice is kind of pseudo-off-topic, but I think it's worth mentioning here to you.

First off, you don't buy a car for other people, you buy it for you. That means:

1. It has the stuff you want.

2. It drives like you expect. Handling, power and torque, road feel, and transmission type are all super important.

3. You can afford it (or be like me and make cuts elsewhere to afford the car you want...I for example gave up alcohol entirely to drive the car I wanted to drive, it was that important to me).

4. You like the interior, because you damn well are going to be spending a lot of time there.


When I'm on a date with a guy who drives a car he doesn't enjoy, it says a lot about him to me. For me, a guy treating his car like an appliance is someone who is likely not going to be that interesting overall. I once went on a date with a man who drove an expensive SUV (Lexus RX350). But I could tell he didn't really enjoy it. All it was for him was a status symbol. To me that said that he cared more about what other people thought of him than how he felt in his vehicle.

Conversely, when I'm on a date with a guy who drives a car he loves (even if it's old and cheap), I'm more interested in him. It shows me he has passion.

 

[NephilimSin]

Also if you do get a car, it should be because YOU want it. I know car advice is kind of pseudo-off-topic, but I think it's worth mentioning here to you.

First off, you don't buy a car for other people, you buy it for you. That means:

1. It has the stuff you want.

2. It drives like you expect. Handling, power and torque, road feel, and transmission type are all super important.

3. You can afford it (or be like me and make cuts elsewhere to afford the car you want...I for example gave up alcohol entirely to drive the car I wanted to drive, it was that important to me).

4. You like the interior, because you damn well are going to be spending a lot of time there.


When I'm on a date with a guy who drives a car he doesn't enjoy, it says a lot about him to me. For me, a guy treating his car like an appliance is someone who is likely not going to be that interesting overall. I once went on a date with a man who drove an expensive SUV (Lexus RX350). But I could tell he didn't really enjoy it. All it was for him was a status symbol. To me that said that he cared more about what other people thought of him than how he felt in his vehicle.

Conversely, when I'm on a date with a guy who drives a car he loves (even if it's old and cheap), I'm more interested in him. It shows me he has passion.

Haha oh no, I don't want a car because I want the guy to like me. I just think with a car things would be easier. You know like going to see him when we want to spend time with each other and stuff. But yes, you do have a very good point.