what should i do?

[jbrock585]

for about 2 or 3 months now ive been thinking about finally opening that big closet door. but it seems like everytime im about to tell somebody i quickly change my mind, or im too scared to do it. and i feel with the recent suicide problems in the news (rip btw), i cant do it at all. as of right now it feels like just me in this world with nobody around me in my situation, sure ive hooked up with guys, but im tired of sneaking around all the time.

guess im just venting, i feel ready but at the same time i dont, what do i do?

 

[Prestobesto]

for about 2 or 3 months now ive been thinking about finally opening that big closet door. but it seems like everytime im about to tell somebody i quickly change my mind, or im too scared to do it. and i feel with the recent suicide problems in the news (rip btw), i cant do it at all. as of right now it feels like just me in this world with nobody around me in my situation, sure ive hooked up with guys, but im tired of sneaking around all the time.

guess im just venting, i feel ready but at the same time i dont, what do i do?

Do you live with or depend on your parents?

If you are independent and feel like taking the risk, one approach is to write a letter. A relative of mine did this.. years ago, when it was much less acceptable generally to be gay.

With the letter, you can take your time to word everything just the way you want it to appear--instead of getting flustered face-to-face--and then after you send it, your fear wont really be able to stop you from coming out. =)

 

[jbrock585]

i live with my parents currently, i dont depend on them financially, the only dependency i have with them is a place to live. the letter dosent sound like a bad idea but i feel i need to tell them face to face.

 

[Echoes]

you can do both, wait for them to finish with the letter and then say what you have to say.
Anyway it's always good to weight your options first, if coming out could mean you getting kicked out from home, then waiting until you can support yourself completely would be better. sleep on it and see what happens, you're the only one who really knows what's right.

best of luck!

 

[Lube]

Fellas, he's just looking for a little moral support.

Do it!! Don't bother with a letter unless you're 12 years old. It's 2010 for christs sake.

Tell us how it goes. I'm sure it'll be like a giant weight lifted off your shoulders. You have to be strong, though. No backing down, no "ok, mom, I'll try it with a girl once.". None of that shit. Be confident. You're gay and they can just fuck themselves if they don't like it.

 

[altlover85]

Fellas, he's just looking for a little moral support.

Do it!! Don't bother with a letter unless you're 12 years old. It's 2010 for christs sake.

Tell us how it goes. I'm sure it'll be like a giant weight lifted off your shoulders. You have to be strong, though. No backing down, no "ok, mom, I'll try it with a girl once.". None of that shit. Be confident. You're gay and they can just fuck themselves if they don't like it.

Except that he lives in their house. Unless he has another place lined up, it's not just as easy as coming out.

 

[jbrock585]

altlover you hit the nail with the hammer with your post, if they take it bad, i got nowhere to go. i mean i only got 1 friend who would let me stay for a couple days at most but nothing long term.

 

[altlover85]

jbrock585, I would work on saving money for a move so you can come out and become even more independent.

 

[quasar]

Do you have any idea how they might react ie. what is their stance on gay people, what reaction do they have when they see gay scenes on tv or hear about these recent gay suicides. Do you think they'll be accepting?

Do you have any brothers or sisters that you can confide in first or can they give you a heads up on how your parents might react.

I'd also check out the resources at the top of this forum, there may be some advice worth taking onboard too. Good luck, and let us know how things develop.

 

[jbrock585]

i wish i could save up enough money to be on my own but its pretty hard with the times were in i really wanna move so i can have my own privacy.

right now with my parents im unsure of theyre stance, most of the time i hear them saying "queer this, and fag that" so im sure that isnt too good.

and with my sister, i cant tell her anything, she already degrades me by calling me fag and queer and saying me and my best friend are "butt buddies" (although we have messed around) i just tell her to piss off. i really wish i could confine in her but how her attitude is if i dont do something for her then she tells the world anyway. sometimes i just hate the cards ive been dealt

 

[Lube]

Well you said you feel ready, so maybe I misunderstood.

People fawn too much over money. It's not the end of the world if you're an adult and you get thrown out of the house. It's called adulthood and people/animals have been doing it since the invention of animal life on Earth.

 

[altlover85]

It might not be the end of the world, but I don't think it's something to take lightly.

jbrock585, I would set up a timeline with some goals. Maybe something like in six months I will save up a certain amount of money( like enough for a security deposit or something) and in a year I will move out.

If you need encouragement, let me or others know.

What I do know is that you aren't in a healthy environment and you need to get out ASAP.

Good luck!

 

[Lube]

My father threw two of my siblings out of the house when they turned 18. Best thing that ever happened to them. They needed to grow the fuck up.

They did not die huddled under a cold bridge.

Yes, I do realize that not everyone could handle that. But in case you're wondering they were both girls. Grew up real fast.

 

[altlover85]

My father threw two of my siblings out of the house when they turned 18. Best thing that ever happened to them. They needed to grow the fuck up.

They did not die huddled under a cold bridge.

Yes, I do realize that not everyone could handle that. But in case you're wondering they were both girls. Grew up real fast.

You preempted a question I was going to ask you, but decided not to.

 

[Echoes]

My father threw two of my siblings out of the house when they turned 18. Best thing that ever happened to them. They needed to grow the fuck up.

They did not die huddled under a cold bridge.

Yes, I do realize that not everyone could handle that. But in case you're wondering they were both girls. Grew up real fast.

don't you think that may actually make you skip a few stages in your life? I mean especially if you are not trying to leave home and you're just forced to.

 

[jbrock585]

well i slept on it for a night and been thinking all day at work about it.

i think the best option for now is save up enough for a deposit and first months rent on a place. and look into the place beforehand, that way when i do decide to tell them and my family, if things go bad i have a place ready to move in within a few days.

im going to talk to my friend about wanting to split rent with me so it wont be as difficult on my own and ill have some support as well. thank you guys for your help and comments. i hope all works out for me for the next couple months while i get everything in order.

 

[Toddxxx]

If your sister is calling you a fag and a queer I suspect there are signs that your parents see too. Maybe you should explore with your parents their feelings about gays. You might be surprised and relieved by their response.

Good luck!

 

[altlover85]

I hope it works out for you jbrock585!

Keep us posted and know we are here to support you!