What Should I think About this Guy?

[KLTboy]

From day one this guy Chris has been trying to get my attention. Everyone in my life knows I am gay... people at home, work, friends... you name it. I am very OUT! lol... His 2 sisters are lesbians and he's very supportive of that. Deep down I think he's very insecure, and uses his insecurity to his advantage. I believe he's the "real him" around me, but when he's around other people he tries to fit into the crowd. He'll pretty much do anything to be accepted. That's the one thing that turns me off about him.

Anyways... We were very flirty with each other. One time we were at dinner and admitted that we both had dreams of kissing one another. We did everything together when I worked with him. We went out after work and sometimes we acted like a couple... we were even talking about looking for an apartment together. Unfortunately... I think I've fallen in love with him. He's all I think about. Every time I see him, my heart races and I get butterflies or anxiety. I honestly can't tell the difference lol.

In December, I was "promoted" and was moved to a different building. I thought that this would be better for me... to help me move on and live my life. I felt so much better about myself. I felt like me again. Before I moved, I put all of my time, strength and energy into Chris and it started to really hurt me. I was depressed like no other over him. It was really bad. Why put all of this energy into someone that may not care about me the same way you ask? Well here's why...

In December, I stopped talking to him... until about Christmas time. Christmas Eve, he texted me "Merry Christmas." That same day, my mom and sister ran into he and his mother. His mom said how they love me and my mom said the same about Chris. Chris replied... "Well you do." After my mom told me the story... I texted him back. He told me how he was sorry and wanted to fix things up. That next week, he came over to the building where I am now and I paid attention to him lol. We walked outside together and we hugged atleast 4 times. We really missed one another... and I believe that he was geniunely sorry for the way he acted. I think he's scared to let people see the real him. He's never been scared to let me in... but anyone else, he puts up a front.

As the weeks go by, Chris and I get closer... and then last week, our relationship took a STRONG turn. We were very flirty, touchy feely towards one another. Kissing one another on the cheek and stuff... being very affectionate. After lunch one day last week, I asked to see his phone... I grabbed it and he jumped on me and tried to get it back. So after a while, I got up and told him to have his dumb phone. I walked to the bathroom and he followed me in. He said "here, you can see it." I told him to forget it... it was too late. After that we both got quiet and were staring in each other's eyes. I simply asked him "wanna see what it's like?" He got the point and we both moved in and kissed each other. It wasn't a passionate kiss or anything, just an experimental kiss. After that we both said that it was bound to happen sooner or later. When we got back from lunch he put on the front in front of the guys and started ignoring me.

Did I fail to mention that he's dating some girl? Well... since I've known him he's gone from girl to girl... claiming he loves them and then a few days later, he dumps them or they drop him. What's that all about?

Well this week we went out to lunch and once again he was very touchy feely... I got up to get some soup, he slapped my ass... and then he kept making jokes about us sleeping together. Just a few days ago, he admitted to me that he can see us "getting together" in the future... but he's scared about it.

Sorry for the long freaking story... but I just want to know what you all think. Do you think he might actually feel the same way about me? Am I wasting my time with him? I know how it is to be hurt and I don't want to be hurt... But I do kind of want to see where things take us. Should I go with the flow or try to move on?

Thank you all SO much for reading all of this... I really appreciate any advice/feedback! Sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors.

 

[Seasoned]

Your buddy Chris is still in the closet. It's OK to talk to him. Just ask him why he's different at different times and tell him how that makes you feel. Relationships are difficult enough, but there is added stress if one partner is out and the other isn't.

 

[KLTboy]

Your buddy Chris is still in the closet. It's OK to talk to him. Just ask him why he's different at different times and tell him how that makes you feel. Relationships are difficult enough, but there is added stress if one partner is out and the other isn't.

We will be hanging out some time this weekend, so I am sure we will be talking a lot about the past 2 weeks. I just hate being the one making all of the moves, I just want him to make a concrete move... not just be flirty or something.

 

[looseliam]

Open dialogue, that's what it will take.

He's given you signs that he would like to move forward. Move at his pace, but don't let him drag his feet.

Return the flirts. Slap his ass. When you hug goodbye, give him a peck on the lips.

 

[TX-Beau]

I don't know, it seems like he's in the process of coming out, and if that's the case, it may also mean he needs a friend just now more than a relationship. You can always go there later, but if you push too far, too fast, you could lose him, or even push him back into the closet.

 

[WYSIWYG]

A friendship comes first in my opinion. Relationships later. I get the impression that he is looking for a relationship, but is afraid to try it!? All the hookups with girls is only a front to be a 'normal' guy and not bi or gay!

A relationship is where 2 people make the relationship. I know you love him and want that love and contact as well, but as mentioned, if you push him to hard, you will push him away. You need to be patient with him. maybe you do need to be the man to bring up the subject about more with him to get him out of his closet, until he is ready to me who he is. Tell him there is only one him, and he has a lot to offer in a friendship or a relationship.

You spoke of your feelings etc., in a caring and loving way. You have a lot to offer anyone in a friendship or relationship.

 

[gingentleman]

Hi KLT.
'
I don't wish to rain on your parade, but it occurs to me that he might be curious, but that might be the extent of it. Of course, I might be wrong, but it definitely seems to me you and he are at very different places in terms of your respective life paths. I agree with others who have posted that you most certainly need dialog with him...to the extent that you are no longer left wondering what'z what.

Best wishes to you!

 

[KaraBulut]

The question is whether you just needed to get that off of your chest (which is fine) or whether you're really wanting advice on what to do here.

It's obvious your friend is attracted to you. It's obvious that he's at least bi-curious.

The question for you is whether you want to be the supportive friend that encourages him to act on his curiosity or whether you want him to explore his curiosity with you.

At the very least, you owe him an honest talk about where your relationship is headed.

Sometimes friends can sleep with each other and be fine. That's probably not the case with you two. If the two of you have sex, it's going to change your friendship and it may not be for the better.

 

[KLTboy]

You guys are so kind! Thank you so much for the feedback and advice.

We are going to be getting together some time this weekend to hang out. I am sure we will talk about everything that has happened. Since the kiss, we haven't really had any alone time to reflect and stuff, so this weekend will be a great opportunity to do that.

At this point I don't know how I feel about the possible outcomes. If we end up together that would be great... but it would also be a lot of work too. He has to work on being comfortable with his true self around people. I couldn't deal with someone acting like the rest of the crowd all of the time. Sure, we all act differently around people who bring out different aspects of our personality, but we shouldn't try and cover up our true selves. How will people ever get to truly know you? Maybe that's what he's afraid of. Who knows? If we end up sleeping together (I can see it coming to that point in the future) I am not sure how I would handle it. I am not looking for a sexual relationship with him at all. I fell for this guy and I probably shouldn't have, but we can't control our feelings.

You all are right... if you push too hard, the person will go right back into hiding and will even have a harder time coming back to surface. Why is everything always a challenge? GEESH lol...

Thank you all SO much!

 

[KaraBulut]

You've got a good attitude about it but just one correction...

, but we can't control our feelings.

You can control your feelings. You can't change them but you always will have some degree of control.... assuming that you want to.

 

[G-Lexington]

Yeah, he's probably curious. But I have a vague feeling that once his curiosity it satisfied, he'll go back to being "one of the guys". Even if that's not the case, he obviously is very concerned about "what the crowd thinks", which seems to suggest he'll be in the closet for the foreseeable future.

So assume that what you see is what you get. Yes, he's interested. But he doesn't want other people to know, and there's a decent chance he'll lose interest once his curiosity is satisfied. Given THAT, are YOU still interested?

Lex

 

[gameboy 11]

I only saw one mistake in your grammar so you're fine. I still knew what you meant.

But anyway, it sounds kinda fun what you did. But the kiss shouldn't have been. He's seeing some girl. It doesn't matter how serious they are, he's still with her.

But it's over now.

In my opinion, I'd continue being friends but I don't think a relationship with this guy is what you really want because I think in the end he might do the same to you - dump you.