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What the fuck am I doing?

M

mcdaddy

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Blah.....

I met this guy at a party recently. I don't even know why I was attracted to him. I'm normally attracted to a more bear-ish type and he's a 5'3'' emo kid. I have no idea...I just was really attracted to him.

The thing is he's a complete whore. When I met him, he had come to the party with someone else (who he just met and later gave head to) and he gave me his number. Oh, and he told me that the night before he had woken up in some random guys bed wearing their underwear. In a more sober state of mind, I thought about what I wanted to do about this whole thing. He is currently single (if he had actually been with that guy, this would be a lot simpler). I'm pretty fucking lonely and, while I have the standards not to go for random hookups, I wouldn't mind kissing someone once in a while.

Ok, so I decide that I kinda just wanna make out with him and that will be that. He comes back and I went with him to a toga party. At that party (the one he brought me to) he hooks up with this random guy and gives him head. I'm pretty livid when I find out the next day and wouldn't have had anything else to do with him except that I had left my backpack with my computer in his car and he had driven back to his campus that night. So I call him and get him to drive back up tonight to get me my shit back.

So he drives a pretty good way (2 hours one way), so I give him a beer when he gets here and we talk for a while. We click fairly well except for when he's discussing his vast and discusting escapades. So at about 1, I tell him that I need to go to bed. He tells me that I oughtn't be rude and that I should walk him to his car. In his car, we listen to music for another hour and a half. The entire time, my brain and my impulses are fighting each other. I KNOW that he's bad news. Not only have I seen evidence, but he openly admits his terrible track record. But at the same time, when we were hanging out in his car, I kept feeling the urge to kiss him. I supressed that urge and finally (rather abruptly, I'm afraid), noted the time and said I had to go to bed.

Blah....what the fuck is wrong with me. I KNOW he's not worth my time. Am I really that fucking lonely that I feel the impulse to kiss complete tools?

Ugh....give me empathy. Or advice. Or flame the whole article and tell me I'm a tool. Whatever. I'm ambivalent to life right now.
 
You don't need advice from us, you have this figured out already, you just don't want to act on it and tell him to get lost.
 
You already did the right thing......you obviously have a greater degree of inner strength than you think :-)
 
"Whore" tends to be a snippy term for "guys who like to have sex a lot". Ain't nothing wrong with that, in my book. He certainly isn't hiding the fact. But in the course of their sexcapades, many "whores" have learned to be somewhat manipulative. Why? Because that'll get more people into their bed. While you were in his presence, he used his charms to get you to notice him. And get you to want to kiss him. And get into his car to listen to music when you wanted to just go to bed. Just putting the moves on you, that's all. You apparently had enough free will to turn him down. If you really didn't want to have sex with him, that's probably a good thing. But know that if he sees you again, chances are good he'll try again - some consider being turned down an insult, and don't want to have a "failure" in their mental tally. And perhaps your willpower won't be as strong the next time. So if you're bound and determined not to do anything with this guy, you may want to steer clear of him.

Lex
 
^Lex hits this one on the head, I think. He *wants* you to be attracted to him. He doesn't want *you* -- he wants you to *be attracted to him.*

And maybe get off.

Keep on keeping your heart safe from this guy.
 
You have made your mind up on this dude. Stick with your guns and look for someone who will be worthy of your affection and who would be sharing your values with you.

This dude is operating in a different universe and he marches to his own drums. This ain't your music and you do not have to dance to it.

SC
 
I know how being lonely feels. And I might have had the same urges as you did. But at the end, you did the right thing, just as everyone keeps saying. Let him go away, and hopefully, you'll find someone fit for you.
 
Plain and simple, he's using you. Try to picture the day after you sleep together, when he stops showering you with attention and probably will not even return your calls. Think of the guys he was with when you saw him before, how many of them thought they were special and that he was going to stick around. If you just want a one night stand and nothing more than go for it. But if you think there's something more you'll just end up hurt. The guy's a salesman and he's selling himself (figuratively, not literally). He's playing your emotions like you're a video game and he's trying to get the high score.

You are obviously a very intelligent guy because you've already seen through his facade. Don't waste your time on him. Who knows, the next time you're out and he's flaunting his peacock feathers at you, there might be a hot bear who's actually worth your time standing across the room hoping to get a chance to talk with you.
 
Lex nailed it.

I can't believe you actually sat in his car and listened to music, but I guess we've all had those kind of moments.

You can do better, but don't be under the impression that you are morally superior to him. His whoring is probably either because he's fighting back against lonliness, or maybe he just loves sex with an infinite variety of guys.
 
Sigh. The shit we do to ourselves as gay men. If this guy were a girl, my straight buddies, who are as far from chauvinistic pigs as you can get, would have looked at this situation and thought, "sure, I'll bang her." They would not have worried about their hearts, or whether or not she was sincere, or if she really liked them or not.


Nope. They would have just banged like bunnies.


We are gay MEN. You were turned on by him. You wanted to get physical with him. He was kind of slutty, but into you. Why heap all kinds of judgment onto him about his actions and choices? Why not just take him for what he was--a horny emo guy who you could have scored with, thereby satisfying your urges and maybe helping you not feel so lonely for a night?

I'm not suggesting you should have screwed him, but I feel it's at least valid to point out that maybe you should have. :)
 
If this guy were a girl, my straight buddies, who are as far from chauvinistic pigs as you can get, would have looked at this situation and thought, "sure, I'll bang her."

A word of wisdom: Never use straight men as a standard for your sexual behavior. :-P

Blah....what the fuck is wrong with me. I KNOW he's not worth my time. Am I really that fucking lonely that I feel the impulse to kiss complete tools? Ugh....give me empathy. Or advice. Or flame the whole article and tell me I'm a tool.

This guy sounds like one of those guys that has a big hole (no pun intended) in his self-esteem. He's constantly having sex with people under the mistaken belief that self-esteem can be gained by putting another person's penis in his mouth.

It's a penis, not a self-esteem gas pump.


Whatever. I'm ambivalent to life right now.

Well, there's the real issue, no?
 
KaraBulut said:
A word of wisdom: Never use straight men as a standard for your sexual behavior. :-P
Click to expand...

LOL KaraBulut. If I did use my friends as a standard, I would have had far more great sex and far less hangups about it. Like I said, they're not pigs, but they certainly don't sit and over-analyze things like this, which we seem to do on here a lot.

I'm very much a "think it over, consider the consequences, etc." kind of guy, but I know there's a fine line between being careful and denying yourself a potentially good time because you can't get out of your own head.
 
fellow whore checking in :wave:

I can't speak for others, but the manipulation of which GLex speaks, for me, is mainly about getting someone into bed. It has nothing to do with needing another to be attracted to me. I just wanna get my rocks off.

Anyhoo, what's the harm in a friendly romp in the sack? As long as you're safe, I see no harm.

And if he's the kind of person I think he is, with the limited information you've given, in time you'll realise he isn't all that swell after all.
 
mcdaddy said:
Blah.....

I met this guy at a party recently. I don't even know why I was attracted to him. I'm normally attracted to a more bear-ish type and he's a 5'3'' emo kid. I have no idea...I just was really attracted to him.

The thing is he's a complete whore. When I met him, he had come to the party with someone else (who he just met and later gave head to) and he gave me his number. Oh, and he told me that the night before he had woken up in some random guys bed wearing their underwear. In a more sober state of mind, I thought about what I wanted to do about this whole thing. He is currently single (if he had actually been with that guy, this would be a lot simpler). I'm pretty fucking lonely and, while I have the standards not to go for random hookups, I wouldn't mind kissing someone once in a while.

Ok, so I decide that I kinda just wanna make out with him and that will be that. He comes back and I went with him to a toga party. At that party (the one he brought me to) he hooks up with this random guy and gives him head. I'm pretty livid when I find out the next day and wouldn't have had anything else to do with him except that I had left my backpack with my computer in his car and he had driven back to his campus that night. So I call him and get him to drive back up tonight to get me my shit back.

So he drives a pretty good way (2 hours one way), so I give him a beer when he gets here and we talk for a while. We click fairly well except for when he's discussing his vast and discusting escapades. So at about 1, I tell him that I need to go to bed. He tells me that I oughtn't be rude and that I should walk him to his car. In his car, we listen to music for another hour and a half. The entire time, my brain and my impulses are fighting each other. I KNOW that he's bad news. Not only have I seen evidence, but he openly admits his terrible track record. But at the same time, when we were hanging out in his car, I kept feeling the urge to kiss him. I supressed that urge and finally (rather abruptly, I'm afraid), noted the time and said I had to go to bed.

Blah....what the fuck is wrong with me. I KNOW he's not worth my time. Am I really that fucking lonely that I feel the impulse to kiss complete tools?

Ugh....give me empathy. Or advice. Or flame the whole article and tell me I'm a tool. Whatever. I'm ambivalent to life right now.
Click to expand...

Don't feel so bad...I lost my boyfriend/fuck buddy of 10 years to a girl...he told me one day that he was hooking up with some chick and that he was not "gay" anymore...like being gay is like a light-switch you just turn off and on...he is such an asshole...he doesn't even talk to me at all anymore. :cry:
 
He's obviously not the guy for you, but I'd like to point out that you're the one leading on somebody you've judgmentally dubbed a whore. Remember, nobody's perfect. IMHO it would be a whole lot worse if he was pretending to be some pure, innocent, romantic while secretly blowing everything that moves behind your back. At least he's pretty up front about his M.O.

It's not unusual to get thrown for a loop by being attracted to some one who's not normally your type. You shouldn't feel bad about it. You seem to have a fairly clear and reasonable idea of what you want. It's worth taking an analytical look at why you feel the way you do in situations like this. It's good to periodically ask yourself if your restrictions are reasonable.
 
>>>I can't speak for others, but the manipulation of which GLex speaks, for me, is mainly about getting someone into bed. It has nothing to do with needing another to be attracted to me. I just wanna get my rocks off. Anyhoo, what's the harm in a friendly romp in the sack?

Absolutely nothing, so long as that's all it is. But if you need to "manipulate" a guy into your bed, I'd say you're not talking about a "friendly romp in the sack". I'd say you're talking about "manipulating a guy into getting your rocks off". The next morning, you're off to the next guy, but if he was manipulated into thinking there was something more going on than "let's orgasm near each other", he's gonna have some problems afterwards. Maybe it's his fault for believing your patter, but that doesn't change what is.

Lex
 
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