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What the fuck I´m supposed to do with this?

Your husband seems to love you. He could have choosen to be with the woman who is pregnant by him and start a family with her. He didn't. He took the plain to from Spain to Portugal to ask you for forgiveness and to reunite. He loves you and choose you over her.

Despite his love for you he cheated on you, cuz he is addicted to sex with females. Your husband said that it started when you didn't want females involved anymore in the open relationship you have. You stated before that you only have sex with others when the two of your are involved. The sex-with-women addiction explains his cheating on you with women. His addiction is an uncontrolleble need to have sex with women.

You should ask yourself if you can forgive him. If you can, you should ask yourself if you can live with someone with that kind of addiction. Do you want to continue to have a open relationship? Do want to have women all the time in sex to ease his need? Can you live with the thought that he will have a child with a woman, in which your rol isn't as big as you would like? These questions are for you to answer and for no one else.

PS: If he isn't a sex addict, then it should be quite clear to you.
 
Hmmm, well if he has cheated on you in tha past and both of you have gotten though that, I guess you could continue to work out your relationship. However, if in fact he has a girl pregnant, I would say that would change everything for you.

Hard to say what to tell you....sorry no more insights that what I have said!
 
I believe in forgiveness.

I believe in love.

He has asked for forgiveness and vows his love for you. You love him. Can you forgive him?

Your lives are in a shambles now. I agree with Lyconthrope, you need outside help.

I feel I would be less than candid if I didn't add that your lifestyle up to this point has not been beneficial to your love for each other. Open relationships (to my way of thinking) are basically a disaster waiting to happen. It devalues the integrity of the union. Please know that I am not passing judgement on you. You need to judge yourselves. I realize my views will not be the views of many others here, but they are mine to own. I'm willing to bet you are now seeing the fallacy of such a relationship.

Should you choose to forgive him, do not punish him for his wrongdoing and hold it against him for the rest of his life. Deal with the issues in the relationship (no matter how much pain and work is involved) and then move on. If you are going to forgive, then FORGIVE. There is no such thing as partial forgiveness. Don't let yourself become bitter. Remember, none of us is perfect.

I believe that good can come from bad. Maybe your relationship needed shaking to it's foundation.

Should you forgive and start fresh? I think you should. Ultimately, with the honesty and work involved, maybe the relationship will be better than ever.

The best of luck to you.
 
hhmmmm Its good that you feel you can get good advice here but you need real advice, from people qualified to give it.

I think your first priority needs to be yourself, then your relationship, and then him.

get yourself out of your state of confusion, decide what you want and how you wish to get it, then if he really wants to come back then make it a condition for him to go to counselling before you will even consider having him back.

good luck!:)
 
Personally; CHEATING is the #1 Unforgivable in my own book .. I believe that once a cheat , always a cheat ...
IF you love him and this is a first time thing .. you might try forgiveness and take him bacck with the agreement that he go with you to couples therapy ...
However; If he is establishing a pattern of continual cheating .. hurting you like this ... then kick his sorry ass to the curb and begin to heal for yourself .. also ask yourself .. how are you goiong to feel IF he becomes "daddy" to some woman's kid ? He'll be bringing that kid, the product of his cheating into your home ... as a reminder of his disloyality to you ... will you be able to handle it ?
You've got a lot of thinking to do ... God be with you ... Good Luck !!
 
KennyD said:
Personally; CHEATING is the #1 Unforgivable in my own book .. I believe that once a cheat , always a cheat ...
IF you love him and this is a first time thing .. you might try forgiveness and take him bacck with the agreement that he go with you to couples therapy ...
However; If he is establishing a pattern of continual cheating .. hurting you like this ... then kick his sorry ass to the curb and begin to heal for yourself .. also ask yourself .. how are you goiong to feel IF he becomes "daddy" to some woman's kid ? He'll be bringing that kid, the product of his cheating into your home ... as a reminder of his disloyality to you ... will you be able to handle it ?
You've got a lot of thinking to do ... God be with you ... Good Luck !!
Click to expand...


What ^ typed... ditto
 
Oh for heaven's sakes.

A number of us told you a number of weeks ago that the two of you were doomed when you ran your last 'I want to kill my husband thread'.

At the time, there were a number of people who noted that you both sounded incredibly immature and self absorbed. Thank god you didn't get that little baby toy that you wanted to be able to adopt.

Forget the counselling and your role playing. Just divide up the household and try to do some honest to goodness soul searching about what it means to live in a healthy relationship instead of a never ending soap opera.
 
rareboy said:
Oh for heaven's sakes.

A number of us told you a number of weeks ago that the two of you were doomed when you ran your last 'I want to kill my husband thread'.

At the time, there were a number of people who noted that you both sounded incredibly immature and self absorbed. Thank god you didn't get that little baby toy that you wanted to be able to adopt.

Forget the counselling and your role playing. Just divide up the household and try to do some honest to goodness soul searching about what it means to live in a healthy relationship instead of a never ending soap opera.
Click to expand...

I was unaware of the post history you mention here. Obviously this would have an impact on any advice given. If these are just examples of hysterical drama in the lives of two immature, selfish people, then let them live with the consequences of their choices and let the rest of us not care.

It appears that it does not pay to get involved with the lives of people on a website forum.
 
I remember you and your marital woes from last winter sometime.

Seems there is virtually no problem you two haven't infused into your relationship.

Leave him and get into intensive therapy.

You two are a mess!
 
In November you were talking about the difficulties you were experiencing in your relationship because you both wanted children. Now there is about to be a child. When you say 'husband' do you mean that you are legally married? Is the woman married? You need some legal advice as to who the parents of the child will be under the law of your country (Spain?). You need to look, too, at the Relationship property Law - if you split after 2 years will all your assetts have to be divided 50:50?

My main concern in this situation, however, would be one of personal safety. If he has made a woman preganant then he is clearly not having safe sex and is putting you at risk.

The prospects of the relationship enduring are very poor indeed. Addictions are not easily cured. If you stick together you can expect another 5 - 10 years like the last two.
 
Personally, the only thing you can do for yourself is leave the relationship. He has asked for forgiveness but that was after he got caught. There is no need to stay in an unhealthy relationship, because in the long run, you'll get burned. And the fact he got a woman pregenant tells me he isn't using protection, therefore you stand a risk of an STD everytime you have sex with him. It isn't worth it.
 
Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater! BAIL, BAIL, BAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
You're actually contemplating continuing with this drama? Life is too short my man .. keep going and don't look back. [-X
 
this might not work, but just an idea.

If you're both bi, and he wants sex with women, do you think the women he's been sleeping with would be open to a third?

Probably a bad time with everyting so complicated, but if you think he's going to go out and have sex with women anyway, it might be better if you do it together.

I've personally have never had more than 1-on-1 sex, so I really don't know if that would help you, but it seems to me that if he's "addicted" to sex with women, it would be better for your relationship to engage in it together rather than him keeping thigs a secret from you.
 
Can this relationship be salvaged? Yes. But it's going to take a hell of a lot of work, and most of it is going to fall on your shoulders. You're going to have to do a lot of forgiving, a lot of trusting, and (most likely) a lot of eye-averting. You're going to have to realize that there will probably be a child in your life, and it won't be "yours" - it's be "his". You'll just be that guy that Daddy lives with. I can almost assure you that he doesn't want to lose you. But that doesn't mean he wants to be committed to you - he might just want a "regular" that he can always go home to if there's nothing else out there. So is it salvagable? Yes. Is it WORTH salvaging? That's your question.

Some people - not necessarily you - seem to enjoy life more as long as there's a soap opera going on. I'm not one of those. My life is painfully boring (to other people). I've been with the same guy for nine years, and there won't ever be "another guy". Based on your other posts, though, it appears there is a chance you'd hate that kind of life.

Oh, and...

>>>What gives you the right Quasar21 on censoring anyone’s comments?

The rights bestowed as a moderator. Hell, if they want to delete my comments due to content, spelling errors, or even because they think my avatar is too goofy, they can. Freedom of expression is for the spoken word, not other people's websites. If you aren't happy with their "censorship", ask for your money back.

Oh, wait - you're not a paying member.

Lex
 
[removed - off-topic]

P.S. Lex - You should run for office.........


G-Lexington said:
Can this relationship be salvaged? Yes. But it's going to take a hell of a lot of work, and most of it is going to fall on your shoulders. You're going to have to do a lot of forgiving, a lot of trusting, and (most likely) a lot of eye-averting. You're going to have to realize that there will probably be a child in your life, and it won't be "yours" - it's be "his". You'll just be that guy that Daddy lives with. I can almost assure you that he doesn't want to lose you. But that doesn't mean he wants to be committed to you - he might just want a "regular" that he can always go home to if there's nothing else out there. So is it salvagable? Yes. Is it WORTH salvaging? That's your question.

Some people - not necessarily you - seem to enjoy life more as long as there's a soap opera going on. I'm not one of those. My life is painfully boring (to other people). I've been with the same guy for nine years, and there won't ever be "another guy". Based on your other posts, though, it appears there is a chance you'd hate that kind of life.

Oh, and...

>>>What gives you the right Quasar21 on censoring anyone’s comments?

The rights bestowed as a moderator. Hell, if they want to delete my comments due to content, spelling errors, or even because they think my avatar is too goofy, they can. Freedom of expression is for the spoken word, not other people's websites. If you aren't happy with their "censorship", ask for your money back.

Oh, wait - you're not a paying member.

Lex
Click to expand...
 
jsnsessions said:
What should I do? Some thoughts? :help:
Click to expand...

The marriage is obviously not working in its present state for the both of you. You're the one with the issue about him continually cheating and he's the one that was trying to break up.

So there's not much point in sitting there thinking IF you should get back together. Think about HOW both of you can resolve those things that are bothering you, because if nothing changes then everything is just going to remain the same.
 
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