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what to do at 18?

M

metronome

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I'm a sexually frustrated virgin, but i still want to make good decisions about who i hook up with. There are plenty of people on craigslist, but few that i'm very attracted to, and less who are sane. I started to look into gay bars in the nearest city, but they all seem to be 21 plus, and i'm 18.

I'm tired of lusting for straight guys, because that only leaves me more frustrated and uncertain. what the hell do i do? I'm not really out of the closet enough to join my university's gay lesbian group, as i'm starting school in a few weeks.
 
So you want to hook up with someone safe and sane, without revealing to anybody that you're gay. Well, once you figure it out, post it here, because nobody's been able to figure that one out yet.

Start thinking about joining the gay group. It's easily the simplest way, and you're gonna have to come out eventually.

Lex
 
you've got to come out man, its the only way of meeting the kind of people you want to. Otherwise someone could take advantage of you. come out man, life is too complicated to be living it hiding your feelings besides things get much better when you do it, by the way it is not that terrible. Best of luck!
 
hmm finding someone online to hook up with might not be the best option for you, especially being a virgin. there are multiple problems that you could run into, i dont know, of course its up to you, but i think you should shy away from it for now. bars might not be the best idea either, but it depends, are you just looking to fuck or do you want something more? whatever you do just make sure you arent hooking up just for the sake of getting laid. would you rather give your virginity to some random guy or someone you are in a relationship with and care for. sorry, im not trying to sound all orthodox lol, but dont you think that would make him feel special if it was someone you were in a relationship with? i dont think a random hookup would give a fuck.

but at the same time i know how it can be going without sex for awhile, i cant even realize how it is for a virgin. it is hard to find gay guys in the first place, its even harder since you arent out. you dont have to come out to everyone, especially if you arent comfortable. try to come out to some people first, then go to that club at your school if you feel comfortable enough, or at least get to know a few people who are in it that you know of.

i guess the main point i am trying to make is just dont rush into something, especially with a random person. when you look back on it you probably wont think anything of it or maybe even regret it + make sure youre safe, just as with any hook up/relationship.
 
Save yourself, kid. May as well. Wait it out longer til you know what you want and you can get it in full.

If you want sex, that's easy. But it's not guaranteed good or great or safe or clandestine or nothing.

If you want a relationship, best wait til your done high school and begin university. Scope some guys out, put some feelers out and see which ones are interested in what you are: a real relationship.

Unfortunately, most people our age are interested in one thing. And nothing's guaranteed.
 
You need to decide if you are looking for sometype of friendship/relationship or just sex. If you are looking sex, you can usually find it on hookup sites or go visit one of the gay gyms/baths. You should not have any problems finding someone to have sex with but you might not enjoy it because it sounds like you are looking for something more. My suggestion then is wait on the sex.

If you want friendship/relationship, then you need to come out some and join some groups, clubs and organizations. Ir is hard and terrifying the first time you walking into a meeting but you will find that everyone is very nice, friendly and supportive. We have all been in the same situation as you. If you are going away to college, the this is your chance to explore the community without outting yourself to your family. Grab a Gay Newpaper and check out the activities for the week. It is a great listing of everything that is going on. If you enjoy sports, join one. My partner used to play on a gay rugby team.

It took me a long time to get involved and now I am having so much fun.
 
Coming out through your university's GLBT community is probably the best thing you can do. There really is no good way of finding someone if you are closeted and searching online. Online social sites like facebook are great to contact someone in your college GLBT union. If your college is in the midwest, I might have some contacts I can give you.

You really just have to put yourself out there. I reluctantly did it last year, and it has paid off. Good luck...and make sure to post if you are having trouble with the coming out part.
 
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