What to do if you find a huge Tarantula crawling on you

[blackbeltninja]

^I feel you. Trouble for me there is that I would be the one getting called to rescue everyone else from the damn thing; I'd be trapped in there for hours because nobody in my family would rescue me from one.

Related, a friend of my mom's worked for Club Med in Mexico. She was in the shower one day and thought to herself "I'm sure my towel didn't have a big black mark on it" as she looked at it through the frosted glass. Slid the shower door open to find one of those almighty bird-eating spiders sitting on the towel on the bathroom floor.

She had to shimmy out of the shower and through the toilet window, arse-naked, to get someone in the resort to get rid of it for her.

-d-

 

[Kabluey]

I'm that arachnophobic that I had to call my mom to come rescue me when a rain spider crawled up the outside of the glass shower door when I was younger and in the shower No mom should have to rescue her 20 year old son, naked and sobbing in the corner of a shower from a spider ...
I can tell you however that my reaction would probably be bloody funny to watch

Must not stick spiders on Dave's shower door.
Must not stick spiders on Dave's shower door.
Must not stick spiders on Dave's shower door.


... wonder if there's an easier way...

 

[Taz]

I would stare him deep in the eyes. he would reciprocate. The moment would be tense, the silence overwhelming.



Then we would both shout "Tequila slammers!" And the night would begin. we would down seemingly endless shots at the local bar whilst whistling at the cute guys and spiders. and my Spiderbro would see a cute spider up in the corner drinking by herself. I'd waltz over to mrs spider and give her the best spiel about how great a guy my Spiderbro is. she'd then join us for shots and we'd laugh the night away into an unremembered blackness.

Id wake up the next morning with a heavy head, and using all of my energy to roll over and see my Spiderbro asleep with mrs spider on the couch.

What a night....

 

[purina]

I was bitten on the shoulder by a tarantula while I was sleeping and slept right through it.

At least I found a huge hairy black and yellow spider crawling on the kitchen ceiling and a silver dollar sized weal on my shoulder when I got up, so I assume it bit me. I was in a particularly anxious mood because my mother was in the hospital, so I took it as a bad sign and freaked out and sprayed it with a pyrethin bug spray. It dropped to the floor, I scooped it up with a dust pan and coffee can and took it out to the refuse container. A little later I saw the neighbors black cat pouncing on top of the container so I assume the cat ate it. I don't know if the pyrethrins killed the cat - I didn't know they could at the time.

Later I regretted not keeping it because it was so gorgeous, but maybe it wasn't a tarantula - just a huge hairy black and yellow spider. It's not something you would normally see outside of the zoo in Detroit.

 

[hobojones]

I'd probably keep it as a pet too. I know it's not a very responsible thing to do to keep something that could cause permanent bodily damage as a pet, but if I were able to harness that aggression and weaponry, I could turn my little pet into a heartless sentry who would defend my residence whilst I'm away. Codename: Mr. Ranch

 

[Lefty]

Slowly, almost imperceptibly I would ease the occupied body part supporting
that uninvited guest away from the treasured portions of my oh so nakedly
vulnerable and now lightly bedewed manhood.

I would then begin a series of subtle undulations to that encumbered limb
oscillating imperturbably towards the recumbent figure that just mere hours
ago had drained me of every molecule, even the very essence of my fervid
masculinity.

The hirsute arachnid would begin a sinuous transfer to the torpid flesh of my
youthful companion. Two...then five...no seven tentacles now grasping that
turgid flesh. Eight tantilizing tinglers now moving in tandem upon pulsating
and engorged flesh. The creature now all butt covering the full ten inches of
rampant manhood quivering in the pale moonlight. Its mandible seeping a
fluid almost as viscid as the sweet dew oozing from the engorge head and
prepuce of my intimate companion.

Even as the fluids commingle upon the boys swollen testicles I lean over and
lips moistened with seductive anticipation whisper softly into that innocent ear
those few syllables that will bestir my boytoy.

Ronnie....ronnnniieeee...wake up receptacle of all my
earthly desires ...awaken Ronr ...my port in any storm...

Your fucking spider got out of its cage again and its' hungry.

 

[hobojones]

Slowly, almost imperceptibly I would ease the occupied body part supporting
that uninvited guest away from the treasured portions of my oh so nakedly
vulnerable and now lightly bedewed manhood.

I would then begin a series of subtle undulations to that encumbered limb
oscillating imperturbably towards the recumbent figure that just mere hours
ago had drained me of every molecule, even the very essence of my fervid
masculinity.

The hirsute arachnid would begin a sinuous transfer to the torpid flesh of my
youthful companion. Two...then five...no seven tentacles now grasping that
turgid flesh. Eight tantilizing tinglers now moving in tandem upon pulsating
and engorged flesh. The creature now all butt covering the full ten inches of
rampant manhood quivering in the pale moonlight. Its mandible seeping a
fluid almost as viscid as the sweet dew oozing from the engorge head and
prepuce of my intimate companion.

Even as the fluids commingle upon the boys swollen testicles I lean over and
lips moistened with seductive anticipation whisper softly into that innocent ear
those few syllables that will bestir my boytoy.

Ronnie....ronnnniieeee...wake up receptacle of all my
earthly desires ...awaken Ronr ...my port in any storm...

Your fucking spider got out of its cage again and its' hungry.

This comment wins. Period. I have a new hero

 

[maxpowr9]

My cat would have killed it already. That's the joy of pets: they tend to make good guardians.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

book tarnatula on world tour in top hat cane ans tails ans monocull

ans go get bite ta eat

dunno

yeah do

Crunch
@ OOOH EEEEWWWWW @
nah dat tranatula flexin
@ OOOH NOOOOOO @
mu ha wah ba da bum

 

[andysayshi]

If you lived in Cambodia, you would probably just flick the tarantula into a frying pan for a minute or two, then munch on the traditional delicacy.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDMIbe0voFc[/ame]

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

I'll take it down with me.

Seriously. If it's on me, i'm not thinking about releasing it into the wild again to go hunt cockroaches and birds... my mind says GET IT THE FUCK OFF ME NOW GO AWAY DIE DEMON SPAWN!!!!

 

[72-Jay]

I'd probably die of shock/have a heart attack if I found something like that crawling on me.

They have microscopic barbed-wire hairs that they can fire at you??

I'm glad bugs like that don't live here!

 

[blackbeltninja]

Speaking as an arachnid hobbyist, and FYI, all of the tarantulas they showed in that video are harmless. I particularly like it when they used the g. rosea as an example of the [gargantuan (or whatever) example. It's the most docile species of tarantula.

Another one they they used is a seemani. Again, a very docile species. This one can get really really big.

Don't care. Because...

Speaking as an arachnid hobbyist, and FYI, all of the tarantulas they showed in that video are harmless. I particularly like it when they used the g. rosea as an example of the gargantuan (or whatever) example. It's the most docile species of tarantula.

Another one they they used is a seemani. Again, a very docile species. This one can get really really big.

-d-

 

[RonR18]

Slowly, almost imperceptibly I would ease the occupied body part supporting
that uninvited guest away from the treasured portions of my oh so nakedly
vulnerable and now lightly bedewed manhood.

I would then begin a series of subtle undulations to that encumbered limb
oscillating imperturbably towards the recumbent figure that just mere hours
ago had drained me of every molecule, even the very essence of my fervid
masculinity.

The hirsute arachnid would begin a sinuous transfer to the torpid flesh of my
youthful companion. Two...then five...no seven tentacles now grasping that
turgid flesh. Eight tantilizing tinglers now moving in tandem upon pulsating
and engorged flesh. The creature now all butt covering the full ten inches of
rampant manhood quivering in the pale moonlight. Its mandible seeping a
fluid almost as viscid as the sweet dew oozing from the engorge head and
prepuce of my intimate companion.

Even as the fluids commingle upon the boys swollen testicles I lean over and
lips moistened with seductive anticipation whisper softly into that innocent ear
those few syllables that will bestir my boytoy.

Ronnie....ronnnniieeee...wake up receptacle of all my
earthly desires ...awaken Ronr ...my port in any storm...

Your fucking spider got out of its cage again and its' hungry.

Lefty! You've been holding out on me, as I didn't know you could write that eloquently! That's the most coherent verbiage I've ever seen cum out of the left side of your brain. I'm flattered that you'd take your meds just to write me a lucid love note like that. Although you got the "draining" part of it reversed, it was close enough.

What I'd be impressed with is someone willing to handle a goliath birdeater. It's the most massive tarantula in the world and happens to be a very aggressive type.

After apparently running out of birds, a man attempts to feed his hand to a goliath birdeater:

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylHTA28qXqo[/ame]

 

[RonR18]

These guys sound like some of the JUBbers who posted in this thread:

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bz_HLCcoNg[/ame]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSJ8sCcRInU[/ame]

 

[Ram]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bz_HLCcoNg

This is seriously fucked-up. So not funny if they pull this prank on me. I would have cried for days. No. Just no.

 

[RonR18]

This is seriously fucked-up. So not funny if they pull this prank on me. I would have cried for days. No. Just no.

Butt according to American traditions (which is where I live), it's funny as hell when it happens to someone else. I don't know if you're able to watch "America's Funniest Home Videos" in Singapore, butt there's some seriously "fucked-up, not-funny" shit aired on that show that studio audiences' considers to be hilarious. Such as adults scaring their kids half to death by jumping out at them from closets wearing monster masks; starting up a loud chainsaw while they're asleep after having watched a horror movie about chainsaw murders, etc. Butt I hear you on the "spider while asleep gag," because anyone who put that thing on me would have a red butt for a minimum of 2 weeks.