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What to do??

A

ab30

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Hey All,

I need some advice please...

My ex broke up with me a few months ago after 2 years together. The reason being that I'd changed and my behaviour had become a big concern. I took the break up quite badly and made the usual mistakes you make in that situation. Since then, we've exchanged a few emails, but haven't met up or spoken on the phone. His reason for this is that 'things haven't changed enough for him yet' - whatever that means.

Anyway, due to the mess I got myself into after the split. I was regularly visiting the Doctors. I was eventually told to see a dietrican due to my rapid weight loss. We came to the conclusion that my diet was seriously caffiene based to the point of being dangerous. I was informed that people who subject their body to such a large amount of caffiene can become 'allergic' or 'intollerant' to it. The effects of which don't resemble your usual allergic reactions - swellings, sickness etc, but are symptoms such as anxiety, paranoia, obsessive behaviour, severe mood swings, stomach problems, headaches and broken sleep patterns. Basically, everything I'd been for the past 12 months. So, we have been cutting out the caffiene intake and I'm really shocked at how different I act and feel now.

So now that I've found out what exactly was going on with me, I'm wondering if I should let me ex know. Although I'm alot happier now and have been dating etc, I still get upset at the thought that he's got this negative impression of me. I'm sure that the reason why he's backed off so much is that he's still holding the past against me and is twisting events to help him realise he made the right choice.

What would you guys do in my situation? or if you were in his, is this something you'd like to know? We did have a very good relationship and we're both very caring and sensitive guys. I just don't know what's best and it's driving me mad!!

Thanks
 
Definitely TELL Him! It will nag you Forever if you don't! (Trust me on this one!) (group)

Whether, or not, you want to get back together, or whether it might help you do so, is beside the point. I don't know if there is more to your story, but, apparently, this Has affected your behaviour, and, therefore, your relationship! (He has a Right to know!)

Will his reaction be what you might wish? Unfortunately, can't say! But ... if you Don't tell Him ... You'll never know what His reaction might have been! ](*,)

Most of our Life's regrets come from what we DIDN'T Do! Don't let this be one of those!! #-o

And ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
Thanks for the replies...

Perhaps there is part of me that hopes that it might get him back in some way, but then again, i'm not 100% sure that I'd want to give it another go.
I've not made contact for 2 weeks now, so I'll see how long it takes for him to make a move. I do have an issue with him regarding me as strange though and would feel happier knowing that he remembered me in a positive way.

In his defence, he had no idea why I'd changed so much and he did stick by me for a long time before enough was enough. It's just a shame that I didn't get diagnosed much earlier and i'm sure we'd have got through it.
 
He had valid reasons for wanting to stay separated.

Don't wait for the other person to make the first move. Grr. Give him a call and see if he would like to meet for a drink or some eats. Nothing big, and nothing of meaning.

I think if he does, he will see how you've changed and you don't have to tell him "I'm better."
 
My advice is to take Kyanimal's advice. :)

Regrets and "What ifs" can eat at you for a long time.
 
ab30 said:
Hey All,

I need some advice please...

My ex broke up with me a few months ago after 2 years together. The reason being that I'd changed and my behaviour had become a big concern. I took the break up quite badly and made the usual mistakes you make in that situation. Since then, we've exchanged a few emails, but haven't met up or spoken on the phone. His reason for this is that 'things haven't changed enough for him yet' - whatever that means.

Anyway, due to the mess I got myself into after the split. I was regularly visiting the Doctors. I was eventually told to see a dietrican due to my rapid weight loss. We came to the conclusion that my diet was seriously caffiene based to the point of being dangerous. I was informed that people who subject their body to such a large amount of caffiene can become 'allergic' or 'intollerant' to it. The effects of which don't resemble your usual allergic reactions - swellings, sickness etc, but are symptoms such as anxiety, paranoia, obsessive behaviour, severe mood swings, stomach problems, headaches and broken sleep patterns. Basically, everything I'd been for the past 12 months. So, we have been cutting out the caffiene intake and I'm really shocked at how different I act and feel now.

So now that I've found out what exactly was going on with me, I'm wondering if I should let me ex know. Although I'm alot happier now and have been dating etc, I still get upset at the thought that he's got this negative impression of me. I'm sure that the reason why he's backed off so much is that he's still holding the past against me and is twisting events to help him realise he made the right choice.

What would you guys do in my situation? or if you were in his, is this something you'd like to know? We did have a very good relationship and we're both very caring and sensitive guys. I just don't know what's best and it's driving me mad!!

Thanks
Click to expand...


The only reason you want to tell your ex about your illness is because you want him to feel for you in hopes that you can get back together with him.

I think you need to move, i mean really move on. He is your ex and it will do you no good to go back. He became you ex for a reason. An just because the reason now has an explanation doesnt change the fact that your ex couldnt handle it. So giving it name wont change anything.

Breaking up is hard to do but it has to be done and we have to be strong and move on.
 
I'm not sure that I do want him back in that sense anymore. To be honest, yes, I want him to have sympathy and I want his perception of me to change from what it currently is, but I'm under no illusion that this isn't the solution for getting him back.
He handled the break up very badly - not in the same sense that I did. He just didn't really think properly about how to handle the situation. His actions after the break up was actually far more hurtful then break up itself.
At the moment I feel I should continue with no contact and perhaps at some point he will sort his head out and want to meet up to try and build a friendship. That will probably be the time I tell him. I just need to make sure that this is the right choice.
 
Do what's necessary to get that nagging voice out of your head and nothing more. If all it will take is to show yourself off and just let him know, just do that. Don't offer or force yourself to get into the relationship again if that's not what you feel it will take.
 
If you feel that you are doing pretty well maintaining no contact with him at the moment, then, you should continue doing so. Staying away from each other for a period of time allows the both of you to clear your heads. When the time is right and when you are ready, you can take Kyanimal's and Riverick's advice to deal with the "what-ifs" so that you no longer have to live with regrets. Luminum has a great point, you should only do what is necessary to keep yourself happy and sane. Nothing more. At the end of the day, it is all about commuication and when the closure finally takes place, a new friendship might just as well blossom if nothing more.
 
confusedboy23 said:
If you feel that you are doing pretty well maintaining no contact with him at the moment, then, you should continue doing so. Staying away from each other for a period of time allows the both of you to clear your heads. When the time is right and when you are ready, you can take Kyanimal's and Riverick's advice to deal with the "what-ifs" so that you no longer have to live with regrets. Luminum has a great point, you should only do what is necessary to keep yourself happy and sane. Nothing more. At the end of the day, it is all about commuication and when the closure finally takes place, a new friendship might just as well blossom if nothing more.
Click to expand...
Well said! Leave well enough alone. Forget what he thinks--it's over.
 
I can't forget what he thinks though. I wish it was that simple.
 
We can't change how people "think" of us. That is their preoragative. But if he really does care for you, he will see the changes in you over time and will eventually understand. Let yourself heal and you have said it for yourself, you are dating and you don't think you are trying to get him back, so, if you feel that your mind is nagging you to tell him this, go tell him but leave it at that. Take care.
 
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