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What to do???

T

Tommyboy69

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Hi guys:wave: I read this forum alot and find your advice to be very thoughtful and caring--most of the time. So now I would like your input on my current situation.:help:

I have this friend. I am using the term "friend" because I honestly feel that is what we are is close friends. He would probably tell you we are "boyfriends". Although we have fooled around a few times, I have NEVER really felt anything more than friendship toward him. Quite honestly, our personalities are soooo different it is amazing we are friends at all. I am very easy going and laid back while is very hyper, nuerotic and whiney. I don't mean to sound like I am bashing him because I am not. He can be a very loving and caring guy also. Also, his parents have "adopted" me into their family even though they do not know we are gay-- they just think we we are good friends. Bottom line I guess is that while he is a friend and I do care about him, I just don't consider him my boyfriend. So that is just a little background. Now on to my dilema.


There is this bar/restaurant I go to right here in the neighborhood. I started going there about two years ago. The first time I went there I was majorly attracted to one of the waiters. In my eyes, I found him to be extremely hot. As I got to know him I discovered he had a personality to match! He is smart, funny, witty, and a bit sarcastic--much like myself. I loved sitting at the bar bantering back and forth with him. Alas, I quit going there about a year ago. Seems he was dating the owner and they broke up so he left. I suspected he was gay before that but when I heard about the break up it was confirmed. Although the owner is gay it is not a gay bar. After he left, while the food was still outstanding, the entire atmosphere of the restaurant changed and the service went down hill so I quit going.

Ok now fast forward to about a month ago. I was headed out to have a few beers and get a burger. I was headed somewhere else but decided to stop in and see if things had improved over the past year. Much to my suprise "my boy" was back behind the bar and waiting tables. When he saw me he asked where I had been! Needless to say I have turned back into a regular there. The banter between us is still the same but even spicier! The other night I was sitting at the bar and he ran his fingers through my hair and commented how much he loved the way it felt! I do have nice hair--LOL--it is baby fine, quite thick and naturally blond--bleached by the Florida sunshine! When he ran his fingers through my hair I felt a bit of a jolt of electricity that went right to my dick!! Then last night I was in there and he invited me and gave me a ticket to a concert he was participating in at one of the local colleges. Seems as if he is an accomplished violinist! Now I don't play an instrument, except for the occasional flesh flute, but I do appreciate good music and plan on attending the concert.

So now you got the picture and maybe a little understanding as to why I am kind of confused about how to proceed:confused:

I would love to ask him out but am not sure if he is seeing anyone right now or not. Plus, when it comes to asking a guy out I have a tendancy to get all flustered, shy and tongue tied. Also, I am not sure if he is flirting with me or just being nice? Although I have watched, and he does not interact with other customers the way he interacts with me!

He is also much younger than I am. Although I don't think that would be a major issue. The owner he was dating was older than he is too. Plus, I look and act much younger than my years indicate. And let's face it--he's hot and I'm not!!

Plus, there is the issue of my "friend". Do I stay with him because he needs me or do I try and do something that would make me happier?#-o

Well I am starting to ramble so I am going to end this now. I am pretty sure you can understand what I am feeling now , so I will just sit back and wait for your replies. Thanks for taking the time to read this and provide me with your thoughtful input!(*8*)
 
You need to have a very frank talk with your "friend". Remaining a friend is available, but circumstances are changing and he needs to know it. As for this other fellow, sounds like he is more than willing to do more than just flirt. Ask him out. If no is the answer, you apparently have something already going on a certain level, so just keep it there. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
 
Yea, you should have had that talk with your close-but-not-boyfriend already. I would do that before you proceed with the new guy, otherwise he might feel "cheated on."
 
Thanks for the kind words guys. I agree a "talk" is probably in order. But when?? Should I explore the posibility and see if there is indeed anything there first?
 
>>>But when?? Should I explore the posibility and see if there is indeed anything there first?

Meaning what? You'd like to keep the "friend" on hand for sex in case the bartender doesn't work out? Does that sound right to you?

Lex
 
No I did not mean it that way. I plan on remaining friends no matter what. So why create a situation when none may exist?

I would almost prefer to talk to the "bartender" and if he is interested then have the "talk".

I would most definitly have the "talk" before I started dating someone else!!

This is about a whole lot more than sex!!
 
>>>I would most definitly have the "talk" before I started dating someone else!!

But that's just it. If you're not interested in him that way, you should probably let him know, regardless of whether you have someone else on deck or not. To not do so is to string him along with false hopes. To suggest there's no reason for the talk unless you DO have someone lined up seems to indicate that you don't mind misleading him if there's no other option available.

Lex
 
My lord, the story would stun a large mammal. So I've done a little editing:

I have this friend. He would probably tell you we are "boyfriends". Although we have fooled around a few times, I have NEVER really felt anything more than friendship toward him.

There is this bar/restaurant I go to right here in the neighborhood. I started going there about two years ago. The first time I went there I was majorly attracted to one of the waiters. He is smart, funny, witty, and a bit sarcastic--much like myself. I loved sitting at the bar bantering back and forth with him. Alas, I quit going there about a year ago. Seems he was dating the owner and they broke up so he left.

Fast forward to about a month ago. I was headed out to eat and decided to stop in. Much to my suprise "my boy" was back behind the bar and waiting tables. Needless to say I have turned back into a regular there. The banter between us is still the same but even spicier! The other night I was sitting at the bar and he ran his fingers through my hair and commented how much he loved the way it felt! When he ran his fingers through my hair I felt a bit of a jolt of electricity that went right to my dick!! Then last night I was in there and he invited me and gave me a ticket to a concert he was participating in at one of the local colleges. .

So now you got the picture and maybe a little understanding as to why I am kind of confused about how to proceed. (NO. We don't. ed.)

I would love to ask him out but I have a tendancy to get all flustered, shy and tongue tied. I am not sure if he is flirting with me or just being nice?

Then there is the issue of my "friend". Do I stay with him because he needs me (?????) or do I try and do something that would make me happier?

Thanks for taking the time to read this and provide me with your thoughtful input!"


Well, here it is. Your "friend" thinks you are his boyfriend. You do not.

You want someone else. A waiter. He has asked you out. Even given you a ticket.

If you aren't in love with your "friend" you're wasting his time and yours.

Try going out with the waiter. Maybe he'll be the love of your life. Maybe he'll ditch you after the first date. Only one way to find out.

And then live with the consequences.
 
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