What to do?

[utshyguy]

I am 24 and have just accepted that I am gay. I am not out to anyone yet. It has been a hard thing for me to do since I was raised in a Mormon household.

This past weekend I was at my best friends wedding reception. As I was leaving, her cousin came up and told me that she thought I was adorable and that she would like to set me up with her friend. Then she asked me for a phone number, which I happily gave to her. Then she said "You like boys right?" To which I instinctively replied "No"....this answer was given out of habit.

I am kicking myself for giving that stupid and incorrect response.

Now this is where I need help. I so want to talk to my friends cousin again and let her know that she can set me up with her friend. However, this would mean coming out to my best friend. I feel comfortable telling her, I'm just not sure how to tell her. Also, should I even be wanting to date since I'm not out of the closet yet? How do I know I am ready to date as a gay man?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

 

[seven_sins]

Why did she ask you if you liked boys if you are not out to anyone?

 

[tagman]

The only people that know I'm gay are my best friend and cousin and I told them today. Up until then, I hadn't told anyone because I still am working through the whole thing but through it all I've been going out on dates. For me, early dates have been better when they started as a large group of people getting together. Later in the evening we'd go and hang out by ourselves and so far I'm not having any troubles.

As far as asking to be set up, just mention that to your friend you'd like to get a big group of people together to go out and tell her best friend she can invite her friend along. That way, you can meet him and see what he's like in a group setting and still maintain your secrecy. I know it seems kind of sneaky but the big groups has worked for me so far and hopefully they'll be ending soon (I'm telling everyone after the holidays).

Best of luck to you

 

[G-Lexington]

Well, "dating" and "out of the closet" might not have to be mutually exclusive. You don't have to do one before the other. (Although I'd greatly suggest coming out once you get a boyfriend...)

That said, do you really want to flag down this friend of a cousin of your best friend? Because, I'm assuming, you know absolutely nothing about him other than cousin wants to set you up with him. That doesn't mean he's a bad fit or anything, but it's not a lot to go on. Are you interested in him just because it'll be a first step? You'll get to date a guy without actually any work to get it? That's fine, but don't get your hopes up too high for it.

And I'll echo what other said. People don't randomly try to hook guys up with other guys unless they have a pretty good idea. So the distance between where you are now and "out of the closet" may not be as far as you might think...

Lex

 

[thermodynamics]

I'd ask for the cousin's phone #, call her, explain the situation, and ask her to stay quiet for a while. Then you need to come out to your best friend.

Have you seen the movie Latter Days?

 

[daddy kaine]

I dont understand the need to announce your status. I am bisexual and I don't care who knows but I dont go around announcing that I like guys. I also don't bring my woman hook ups around either. When I meet a person that I love enough to spend my life with, man or woman, i will introduce that person to my family and friends. None of them know I fuck guys so it will be quite hilarious if I bring a dude home and say we're getting married lol. I can already imagine the look on their faces.

 

[utshyguy]

Thanks for all the great advice guys! It helps to get other peoples thoughts on it as I tend to over thinks almost everything.