what to do?????

[practicallyhopeless]

So I am just finishing up my Freshmen year of college. I have dated girls since I started dating. I haven't ever had a normal relationship really...first girlfriend I dated for two years and always chickened out when I went to kiss her. My second girlfriend, we kissed and stuff, touched, but never had sex or anything. We broke up and later I found out she cheated on me. Since then (about 10 months), i haven't been in a relationship. However, I have been hit on by a couple guys on my campus, and haven't found any chicas who are interesred in me. One of the guys started texting me really seriously over winter break. He was hitting on me and everything. We ended sending naked pics to each other and when classes resumed, I was really horny and he gave me a handjob and blowjob. Then recently, I went to a party, met a guy who was gay, and I told him I am straight. I was playing beer pong and had to take my pants off for getting bitch cup. After the party we started texting and he was hitting on me, complimenting me, and telling me I have a nice butt. I sent him pics of me in a towel or underwear. Then, once again, I was really horny and I went to his house and we watched a movie and he gave me a blowjob and we made out. Both times I had been with a guy, I enjoyed the feeling I had when I was getting head, but I only made out with the second one because I was horny. I can't really ever see myself with a guy, kissing a dude again, or emotionally attached to a guy. But i have just been confused lately and don't know whether to think I am straight or bi anymore. But I don't know if my family would even be supportive or accepting in the slightest way. I think my friends would.be accepting. But I just don't know what to do and I don't really have anyone to talk to, so any advice would be more than accepted!
Thanks in advance!

P.S.
Sorry i wrote a novel...

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome to JUB. It appears from what you wrote that you're interested in guys and your first task is to sort that out and accept who you are. This has to be done fearlessly in order for you to accept your orientation. You are who who are regardless of consequences. Your family and friends are likely to accept and support you.

In a different era I ended up getting married and having two children because of my fears. I'm glad I have the children, but I suffered a lot and was emotionally fragile for quite a long time.

The Western world is finally coming around to the fact that gay is the other normal. The problem for individuals is the fact that coming to the realization that one is gay is done alone. I think that is a difficult thing for some of us.

It's a common thought that one couldn't be "emotionally attached" to another man. When gay people think or say that they're actually trying to rationalize that they're not gay. In actuality, any sexual contact with another man when women are available means, according to my belief an experience, that the guy is gay, bi or a sex addict.

We don't all have gay role models and many of us have heard negative comments or worse all of our lives from family or friends. Perhaps we've even joined in. All of that creates barriers with self-acceptance. If you have difficulty moving beyond where you are now I'd suggest trying to sort things out with a good therapist. In the meantime feel free to PM me or anyone here with whom you're comfortable.

Good luck as you sort things out.

 

[backpacker]

Great post by Seasoned. I find it very interesting that you had long term relationships with girls and never "had sex or anything", but that you have hooked up with guys when you were "really horny." You were never really horny when you were with your girlfriends? I also find it interesting that those guys didn't believe you were straight (i.e. you set off their gaydar). I can't imagine having a girlfriend for two years and not kissing her. I can't even imagine not having sex with her after two years. I think it's because you weren't really that interested in sex with girls.

Now it's time to accept that you like dudes. Many guys struggle with acceptance, some for years. I know I did. Part of the issue I had was that I didn't fit the stereotypes. I was also attracted to women, had sex with women, but it wasn't that important to me. Then I had sex with a guy and it was awesome. I still tried to rationalize that I wasn't gay for a long time, but as time went by the more I wanted to be with guys. I sure wish I would have accepted it much sooner. One thing I learned, being gay was a much bigger deal to me than anyone else. Thankfully times have changed and people are far more accepting now. Best of luck to you and keep us updated.

 

[practicallyhopeless]

My first relation was just...awkward. for both of us it was our first relationship. As for my second relationship, I just wanted ti make sure that she was the right one. Towards the end if the relationship I really kind of just wanted to lose my virginity to get it over, but she was a "virgin" according to her (complete lie) and i though I had someone to help support if I got weak.

But I hooked up with guys because I didn't know any women that would be willing to do the same...but I don't feel any sexual attraction towards men. I cant imagine myself in a relationship with a guy. The fact of me.giving someone a blowjob is just weird and i cant exactly wrap my head around it. I really would like ti get back into a relationship, but I can only see myself in a relationship with a chick.

 

[Seasoned]

Of course, only you can determine who you are. If your horniness has only led to masturbation and to guys it's up to you to examine your fantasies and any erotic dreams. I assume you found JUB for a reason. Neither I nor anyone else here is out to convince you of anything. I think it's time to find a therapist for your peace of mind. Again, feel free to send me a pm.

I wish you the best.

 

[Rolyo85]

Well, let's be frank here - you wouldn't be posting in a gay male forum if you did not at least doubt yourself some. You can find justifications and such, but in the end, sexuality is much more simple than our convoluted minds make it to be. And you always know on some level.

I'm not saying you are gay. But honey, you are NOT 100% straight.

 

[G-Lexington]

I'm going to go ahead and disagree with the others here. I don't think you hooking up with guys makes you gay, or even bisexual.

There's a misconception among a (shrinking) segment of straight folks that think that gays are gay because they're "afraid of the opposite sex". And although I really don't think that's true of most of us, it sounds like it might be true of you, to some extent. Your first post makes it sound like you're nervous or freaked out when it comes to women. Perhaps you look at them as somewhat more alien than guys. But with these gay guys, you don't feel that confusion and awkwardness. You know they just want to suck you off, and things won't get that weird in the morning, and hey, blowjob, so sure - you'll drop your drawers for them.

That said, you're in a bit of a bind. If you want, you can subsist on blowjobs from horny gay guys who only want to suck you off (but nothing else), but you'll probably want something more eventually. You'll probably want to actually date a woman and having full-on sex with her. And that might be something you have to work on getting your brain to accept.

Lex

 

[Benvolio]

The critical question is whether you are sexually attracted to women or men. You say that you are not attracted to men and only you can determine that. I assume you are sexually attracted to women. If you have any doubt, I suggest you rent a lesbian DVD ( no men), and a gay DVD ( no women). Watching them should resolve any doubts.

 

[KaraBulut]

Both times I had been with a guy, I enjoyed the feeling I had when I was getting head, but I only made out with the second one because I was horny. I can't really ever see myself with a guy, kissing a dude again, or emotionally attached to a guy. But i have just been confused lately and don't know whether to think I am straight or bi anymore.

I'm going to go ahead and disagree with the others here. I don't think you hooking up with guys makes you gay, or even bisexual.

^QFT

What's going on with OP is self-discovery. So far, what you're discovered is that 1) you haven't had much luck with girls and 2) it's easier to get a guy to blow you.

The question for you is whether you are ready to see this through to determine whether this is about easy hookups or whether you have an interest in guys. It's not a black versus white thing where you are either gay or straight- most guys can get off to a blowjob whether it's with a guy or with a girl. The real question is whether it feels more "natural" to be with a guy- as friends, as lovers and as sex partners. A lot of guys will tell you that they never thought that they could be attracted or emotionally involved with another guy until they were attracted and emotionally involved with a guy. Sometimes you find yourself naked with another guy and it's like, "Duh- now I get it". It just takes some courage to make that discovery.

You're in college. You're young. You're still figuring out who you are. What's important is that you go forward being honest with yourself and that you are ready to accept what you may find in that process of self-discovery.

 

[Lube]

Unless you're suicidal, I don't believe in hand-holding or coddling. I believe in Telling It Like It Is.

You are clearly gay. Not even bisexual. You haven't even had sex with a woman even though you've been dating for years. You've had plenty of opportunities to have sex--even just hand jobs or blow jobs, I'm not talking penetrative sex--and you haven't availed yourself of those opportunities over a 2-3 year period with two separate women.

And yet... and yet you get with a guy for 5 minutes and you're letting him blow you. More than once!

This is not a definition of a straight guy, OK?

(You can laugh at that a little and then start to cry when you realize what it means to you. That's ok. Come back in a minute or two after you've composed yourself and you can see through the tears. Those will be tears of relief--we've all been there.)

But there's no reason to freak out. Being gay is 100% completely normal. 100%. Even the President of the United States thinks so.

You just have to ignore the ignorant, hateful people you hear on the media (or perhaps see locally).

What does your family & friends think about gays? Are there any out gays (GLBT) in your family? Any gay friends, neighbors, or schoolmates/coworkers? Where do you live?

It sounds like you're having trouble accepting who you are. Is there a strong religious influence in your life? Accepting yourself as gay is a journey; don't worry, no one expects you to do it in a day. It took me decades to admit it, and then 6 months to start to get comfortable with the concept.

6 years ago I hated just the word 'gay'. I didn't want to be one of them... one of those Hollywood stereotype gays. I've since gotten over that and am proud to use the word gay to describe myself. I've never been happier. I hope the same for you.

Please hang around JUB and don't leave. Ask more questions. Read this forum religiously. Learn from others. Talk to us! we want to help you traverse this journey, and make it easier for you. We've all been through what you're going through, believe me!

Write back soon. Here's a great big hug for you in the meantime: We're here to help, even if it isn't always what you want to hear.

 

[Lube]

And I don't want to hear that "the only reason I didn't have sex with my girlfriend is because she was saving herself for marriage" because you know and I know that's a lie.

If you were truly straight and turned on to her and wanted to Fuck her brains out like any normal young heterosexual male, you would've begged her for something--anything--that would get you off. You just weren't interested and her lack of interest covered up your lack of interest nicely.

I should add here that, later in life, you'll discover that many women who "wanted to save themselves" and didn't want sex at all will turn out to be lesbians.

Remember, women are gay (GLBT), too, and they have the same emotional baggage that guys have.

Note, too, that your second girlfriend cheated on you--so she's probably straight because she wanted sex with a guy, and you weren't providing what she expected. And it's a perfectly normal expectation on her part.