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What to Do?

D

Dsncadv

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So about three years ago I met a guy on an app. We chatted there for a bit and moved onto texting where I learned he was on the other side of the country. Didn't bother me because I really enjoyed talking to him, which now included FaceTiming. We spent almost every free moment talking and during this time he developed very strong feelings for me, I liked him as well but was weary of a long distance relationship. He was more than willing to try and did try very hard to woo me but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I have never had a boyfriend and I really didn't want my first one to be someone I had never met in person, or could go on an actual date with, etc. At this point our friendship almost ended because we wanted different things but we worked past it. Some time went on and he met someone else, though he didn't tell me about him for quite some time in hopes I'd change my mind but I didn't and he moved in with his now boyfriend. Now during this time I had starting talking to a couple guys which he didn't take very well and almost once again ended our friendship. This past summer we finally met when I went to go visit him. We had an amazing time together and I realized that I do want to be with him, and he expressed the same. He's still with his boyfriend, who is a super nice guy but not quite what my friend was expecting. I have no plans to break them up or anything like that but I don't how long I can have things be this way. I know I should just let things be because I had my chance and didn't take it. What do you guys think?
 
well, generally id advise to not take online-only "relationships" too seriously, especially ones that are long distance and create drama before youve ever even met. particularly that last part is a red flag that you should not ignore.

but since youve now met in person, and aparently the chemistry is still there... if this guy is really so special, and if either of you is at a point in life where youre flexible enough (in terms of education, job, income, and mindset) to move across the country... then why not take a chance. id probably advise to try and live together for a couple of months before moving all your things and making it definitive, though.

but those are two huge "if"s. otherwise id just let things end on a friendly note. you need to be open to other things. and the fact that its not happening now doesnt mean that i cant ever happen, and who knows, perhaps later in life itll come together.
 
From my experience with long distance relationships, don't commit to a boyfriend relationship unless there is a plan in place to move in together within a year. Otherwise, you're missing opportunities to date other guys in your own city.
 
So before you even met the guy you already faced all that drama? For me that would be a red flag. Not to mention that even if he had met you before, he would have no reason to be jealous.

The idea that you've created from him might be very very different from what the guy actually is.
Bottom line is: you need to actually get to know him
EDIT: i realise you've met him once, needless to say that is not enough

And yeah, i don't believe it is viable to start a relationship as long-distance, usually the only way LDRs work is if the couple had been together before but it is force to move away from each other - the key is, they've established trust. There is no way you can trust a guy - that you basically don't know - that much....
 
Good. If geography should change then so could your relationship. Good luck!
 
The fact that he met someone else and didn't tell you, moved in with him, still met you on the sly (I assume without telling his BF) would be a huge red flag for me.

If he's willing to do that to him, he's willing to do that to you.
 
Oh jeez. This is like a slow train wreck waiting to happen.

He is taken, MOVE ON! I've seen enough couples split by a third-party. Hell, one guy tried to do the same to me with my LT ex.
 
borg69unimatrix said:
The fact that he met someone else and didn't tell you, moved in with him, still met you on the sly (I assume without telling his BF) would be a huge red flag for me.

If he's willing to do that to him, he's willing to do that to you.
Click to expand...

We didn't meet on the sly, I stayed with both of them in their apt. As for him not initially telling me about the other guy did piss me off at the time but we worked through it.
 
That makes it even more creepy, IMO. Doing it behind his back is bad enough, but right under his nose?

I realize you're in love, and only seeing what you hope to gain, but please try to look at it objectively. What he's doing to his current BF could easily be you someday. It's quite likely he has more guy's like you waiting in the wings.
 
What did he tell his bf about you? I have a hard time believing he was ok with him bringing home the guy that he really wants to be with. You may have stayed there but I highly doubt the entire truth was shared.

Steven
 
First thing is he is my best friend, when I went to visit him and his bf that's what I went as. We didn't do anything sexual in the slightest nor did I do anything to derail their relationship. I didn't tell him how I felt till after I was back home and had expressed distress in his relationship. I'll admit that it was selfish of me and I wish I hadn't but we've talked and we're leaving things as they are.
 
My opinion of what is known is that you need to do what you feel you can live with. Its true that what hes doing to his bf he can do to you as well. As dark as it sounds, dont hope youre the exception, think of you as the rule.

However in regards to love if you love the guy I'm sure you can tell him. But be wary that you could be having and emotional affair with him. Theres sexual affairs and there are emotional affairs. Just tell him how you feel and if youre really the one he will do anything and everything to get you. Trust me. My boyfriend will bend his back just to make me happy, i realised this after i requested something. I stopped because it put on strain on him. But my point is, if he really loves you more than anyone then he would break up with his current bf and be with you. No exceptions. Otherwise youre not the one. There are guys out there who are genuine.
 
Rolyo85 said:
How are you best friends with someone you hadn't even met up to that point? O.o
Click to expand...

I know that sounds crazy but he was always there when I needed him and was the first person in a long time where I didn't feel like I had change myself so they'd want to talk and stuff.
 
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