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What to do?

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mcbg22

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I've been seeing this guy every two weeks for the past few months. I guess we're friends with benefits but all along, we have told each other we were exclusive sex-wise.

I can't say our relationship could become more serious since we live hours apart and the biggest problem is that the guy is bisexual but considers himself to lean more towards girls.

He recently told me that he met a girl back home that he really likes and that he wants to have sex with her/go out with her, while still seeing me. I have a really hard time seeing someone who's having sex with someone else. It freaks me out to even think about it.

Is there anyway I can be more comfortable with this idea or does this have disaster written all over it?

Maybe I'm just very insecure but I feel like I can't compete with a girl since he's more attracted to women and there's no way he could be as into me.
 
It sounds like you want more than FWB, so it is not going to end the way you want it to. You might want to fully understand that before you invest too much in him emotionally. Find someone who wants what you want in a relationship.
 
I also want to add that it's pretty clear to me that I'm more into him than he is into me and that it would be best for me to meet someone who lives closer to me and who can commit completely to me but I just can't keep myself from seeing this guy. It's driving me nuts.
 
This push/pull feeling you have is pretty normal. Sex is a powerful drive and often overrides rationality. You feel badly or at least torn afterwards, but then miss the physicality and give in and see him again because the sex is good.

You've already stated what you need to do in order to feel better about the situation. Every time you give in and see him you're prolonging your misery. It's time to get busy with healthy distractions as you attempt to meet people who would be better for you. Let the head that sits on your shoulders do the thinking for you.

Good luck.
 
It seems to be the case that you have a crush on the guy but I am afraid your feelings will not be returned if he is also seeking a relationship with a girl unliokely to be much change in that situation. You can only treat him as a FWB but with quite a journey involved in obtaining your 'benefits' might be better to seek someone without his interests nearer home !
 
mcbg22 said:
Is there anyway I can be more comfortable with this idea or does this have disaster written all over it?
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This has disaster written all over it.

This situation was mutually beneficial- you both got NSA sex. Now he wants to change the arrangement. You don't.

It's better just to move on to someone who can offer all the things you want... without settling for less.
 
Well today he told me he had sex with that girl and I want to kill myself :(
 
FWB only lasts until someone develops feelings for the other and that is when it falls apart.

It can work in the short-run but almost never in the long-run. I have my own fucked up story about FWB but I don't wanna derail this thread.
 
mcbg22 said:
Well today he told me he had sex with that girl and I want to kill myself :(
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The only person you can control is yourself. I'm sorry you are hurting. The feelings aren't mutual and you know what to do, which, by the way, doesn't involve doing harm to yourself.

Best wishes. It's going to hurt but you'll be in a better place.
 
mcbg22 said:
Well today he told me he had sex with that girl and I want to kill myself :(
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You have developed feelings for him while he still regard your 'relationship' strictly NSA fuck buddies.

Move on. Good sex is hard to give up obviously but if you are comfortable in getting just mind-blowing sex with him then use him only for sex but don't expect more.
He likes you for the mind-blowing sex, nothing more.
 
We had a big fight last night and it's over for good. I did something I'm not proud of. We talked about our relationship and he said he wanted to keep seeing me even though he was seeing a girl. I told him I wasn't comfortable with that. He then got upset, saying I should still want to see him and that if I didn't want to, he would never speak to me again. He then told me he didn't even like me that much, probably to hurt me. I was really hurt by that and over time I got really angry. I wrote to the girl he's seeing to tell her about me and him and I sent her pictures of text messages he sent me, in which he said he wanted to keep seeing me while seeing her. I also wrote to his sister to tell her he was sleeping with guys even though he puts up this big straight macho image at home. I know that was really wrong of me but I was so upset that he would throw me away just like that after this much time together. Ugh, this whole thing has been a disaster.
 
mcbg22 said:
I'm really upset that things turned so ugly so quickly :(
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Well, these emotional situations are often not pretty.

But it's also not fair to say "things turned so ugly" as if how you reacted was something not in your control. And unfortunately, the mess and cleaning up the aftermath will all fall to you. Assuming that it can be cleaned up, that is.
 
KaraBulut said:
Well, these emotional situations are often not pretty.

But it's also not fair to say "things turned so ugly" as if how you reacted was something not in your control. And unfortunately, the mess and cleaning up the aftermath will all fall to you. Assuming that it can be cleaned up, that is.
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You're right. I know I shouldn't have done what I did. I don't think we're ever going to talk or seeing other again.
 
You have every right to want to see him exclusively. He shouldn't pressure you into seeing him while he also gets to see other people if that's something you're not comfortable with. Holding that ultimatum over your head of not speaking to you again if you walk away was extremely rude and hurtful. The final nail in the coffin was when he said he didn't like you that much.

I think all you were to him was just a casual fuck buddy. I don't think he saw any real future between you two. That allowed him to be a complete asshole to you and just leave you at the drop of a hat. This guy doesn't deserve any of your time or affection for how he treated you.

That said, what you did in revenge was definitely not acceptable, but it seems like you realize that now. However, truths always have a way of coming out of the dark, so his girl and his family would have found out eventually.

My recommendation to you is to not get too emotionally attached to someone unless you know and have said you want to date exclusively. Let these feelings develop over time. Feelings that happen overnight don't tend to last in my experience. Make sure both of you know what your goals are in any relationship so there are no surprises down the road.
 
AstareGod said:
You have every right to want to see him exclusively. He shouldn't pressure you into seeing him while he also gets to see other people if that's something you're not comfortable with. Holding that ultimatum over your head of not speaking to you again if you walk away was extremely rude and hurtful. The final nail in the coffin was when he said he didn't like you that much.

I think all you were to him was just a casual fuck buddy. I don't think he saw any real future between you two. That allowed him to be a complete asshole to you and just leave you at the drop of a hat. This guy doesn't deserve any of your time or affection for how he treated you.

That said, what you did in revenge was definitely not acceptable, but it seems like you realize that now. However, truths always have a way of coming out of the dark, so his girl and his family would have found out eventually.

My recommendation to you is to not get too emotionally attached to someone unless you know and have said you want to date exclusively. Let these feelings develop over time. Feelings that happen overnight don't tend to last in my experience. Make sure both of you know what your goals are in any relationship so there are no surprises down the road.
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Great advice. Thanks! I kinda have a really strong urge to talk to him right now and I feel really depressed but I know I can't talk to him just yet, if ever. Is there any way we could patch things up eventually?

I had a long conversation with his sister last night. I had never met her or talked to her before but she messaged me on Facebook because she heard I had written to her brother's girlfriend. At first, she was really upset and wanted to kick my ass because she didn't believe anything I said but after talking for a while, she saw I was in love with her brother and that my intentions in the long run weren't to hurt him by outing him. I just did it in a moment of anger and frustration, which was really wrong. I acknowledged that to her. She even said she would try to talk to him next time she sees him to see if he would be willing to talk to me again so we can at least end things on better terms.
 
mcbg22 said:
Great advice. Thanks! I kinda have a really strong urge to talk to him right now and I feel really depressed but I know I can't talk to him just yet, if ever. Is there any way we could patch things up eventually?
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You're welcome!

I wouldn't necessarily hold out on you patching things up with him. That kind of thing would be up to him. There's no way you can force that kind of thing.

I had a falling out with a romantic interest in the past. I was under the impression that he and I would get together as soon as I moved back home from working in Florida, but when I did move back, I discovered he was talking to and had gotten together with someone else. I felt betrayed and angry and reacted as such. I felt horrible after, but it was too late to take back my words.

Four-and-a-half years passed before he and I spoke to each other again. We had some closure, but I really had no desire to continue being friends with him.

I think many people make mistakes like this at some point in their lives. Try not to get too hung up about it. Move on and find someone else more deserving of your time, affection, and love. If things don't work out, they don't work out, and it wasn't meant to be. Keep looking. You'll find someone. :-)
 
mcbg22 said:
Great advice. Thanks! I kinda have a really strong urge to talk to him right now and I feel really depressed but I know I can't talk to him just yet, if ever. Is there any way we could patch things up eventually?
Click to expand...

If someone had done to you what you did to your friend, would you want them in your life?

Hopefully, this will work its way to the acceptance phase and you will realize how toxic this has been for both of you.
 
Oh, the games some people play :mad: Dude, move on ...... to someone worthy. Why stay and get hurt? Why is he telling you all of this? And, WHY do you need to know? If, his intentions are to hurt you and make you jealous, then DAMN! He's doing a pretty good job at it. Be VERY aware of Bi and especially married Bi men, many of them are the 'hit n' run' type.
 
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