What's on my mind.

[CGHJ]

I suck at advice, all I have to say is YOUR FUCKING HOT AS FUCK. Come out to SoCal so you can shoot bi porn for me

 

[CGHJ]

Honestly though, a lot of guys are in your same boat. sexuality is super flexible, don't let yourself get pigeonholed or labeled, don't feel like you have to pick one.

I was very much like you, but thought I had to choose one, and then the other. It still drives my mom nuts because she wants me to 'pick one', and I finally had the nerve to tell her that it was that kind of attitude that fucked me up for many years.

A lot of people will try to tell you what you should do, but you can't do anything other than be yourself. Stay true to you, and take your time finding out who 'you' really is, and you'll be fine.

But seriously, OMG you're hot. Everyone needs to go to this guy's gallery and check out his ass RIGHT NOW.

 

[Seasoned]

Your friends and your dad set you up to be afraid to admit your attraction to men. You were a child when you started down the path towards hiding. The fact is that you are in some turmoil.

Now as an adult you have the opportunity to begin to do things differently. I think you are too worried about the reaction of others and not enough consideration as to what you having been going through for at least a few years.

If you're feeling safe I'd suggest it's time for your dad and friends to face their prejudice. Your father has gay siblings and he's tossing around the word faggot? Isn't that similar to your behavior minus the slur?

As far as your friends confiding in you, you and they need to realize being gay doesn't place you in a different species. I have straight friends that confide in me and I in them. You don't give up being a man when you admit you're gay.

I hope you feel good about yourself. If you accurately described the men in your life you have your work cut out, but it's way past time that they get educated. Have you thought of seeking out your gay relatives for support? I wish you the best as you move forward.

 

[greyhorse]

Wishing you all the best Bear. Difficult stage of life but you will get through it and have friends. Cheers, G

 

[lambdaboy]

Any friend or family member who can not accept you never loved you in the first place. Even if your Dad does not at first he will.

I came out to a very old fashioned Italian American Family and my parter Hispanci a macho dad. Everyone accepted us and treat us no different then straights.

"This above all to thine own self be true"

 

[HunterM]

When I watch Gay porn though, After I cum, I feel really upset/ashamed/disgusted (with myself) that I watched two men having sex. (Not because I hate gay people, or think there disgusting or anything) To be honest, I don't know why I feel like that. Have any of you ever felt like that?

Acknowledging your attraction to men and coming out to yourself is the first step in the right direction. You are not alone. Let's say if you could move away to Southern California away from your family and friends and start all over, could you see yourself living a life with less anxiety (not trying to conform to your family or friends' expectations) and truly be who you are?

How long have you been watching gay porn? Did you have the same guilt/shame kind of feeling after you had sex with a man? Are you living by yourself in the same city as your family?

 

[medic1]

CJHG is bang on fella you are one stunning guy and putting aside the offer that he made you,and yep your ass is totally stunning.
Be truthfull to yourself m8 all the best. Adam

 

[SayWhat]

I totally feel you. I went through a similar phase in high school and right after I graduated.

Honestly, you'll be surprised how many people genuinely don't care. Haha. I remember feeling like if I told one person, it'd be printed in some tabloid magazine or they'd buy out a billboard. Not the case. You'd also be surprised how many knew all along and just went along with the charade to make you comfortable.

Also, I've found if you don't make a big deal out of it, they typically won't either. If you sit them down and say "I have something serious to talk to you about", they're automatically going to amplify the seriousness of the conversation. Whereas if you casually incorporate it into your conversation, you'll notice the light bulb go off for them, but they don't tend to spaz out so much. That's a preference, though. Address it however you feel is right.

As far as feeling like you've lied/betrayed/etc. you can't be so hard on yourself! If it were any other situation, continuing to lie wouldn't be the solution. I'm not saying you NEED to come out, but don't feel like you owe it to anyone to keep hiding it if you don't want to.

With your dad, employer, etc. you don't have to come out to everyone at once. Start with one person that you really trust and work the rest out when it feels right. Just remember to mention to them that you're doing this slowly and you'd appreciate confidentiality around people that don't know yet.

I still haven't come out to my dad's side of the family and very few co-workers know I'm gay. Some people may think that's hypocritical or means that I'm ashamed, blahblahblah. But fuck 'em. It's not their problem to deal with.

 

[SayWhat]

Hahaha. Well that wasn't the intent, but I'll take the bonus points!

Another thing I forgot to mention was how helpful gay forums were for me. When you said you feel ashamed after watching porn with two guys, I think a big part of that is your exposure level to homosexuality. The first time I went to a gay bar, I almost had a spaz attack. But when you start incorporating "the gay community" into your life, it feels a lot less taboo and forbidden.

 

[HunterM]

^ Yep..."your exposure level to homosexuality" is the cause of your guilt/shame. Just like any thing new, you'll feel awkward the first couple of times. First time sex wasn't that great either. But that didn't stop me. You have to give yourself permission that sex between consenting adults is perfectly fine. Sex between men is also fine.

Moving out of on your own would help in exploring your sexuality...either with women or with men. Hey...and practice makes perfect

 

[BIMICHAEL4FUN]

Bear....where in Florida? I'm in FL also...you should track me down and explore and enjoy your Bi curiosities...I'm bi and married...loving life in Central Florida with a very understanding wife...