Very interesting analysis, and quite possibly all true in my case (although I myself actually DO see a therapist) but nevertheless there is a great deal of truth in where your own mind, through introspection, and rumination, creates its own 'narrative' - which in my case is an unshakeable belief that I have no control over events in my own life, and no ability to effect any change - and so therefore I do nothing, beyond staying in bed most of every day, and being on the laptop most of every day (a confession I don't think I've ever made on this forum before)
What is especially ridiculous in my case is that in the past, I HAVE already proved MYSELF wrong in this belief, back in 2010, when this very forum was the single biggest instigator of change in my life - by surfacing the colossally huge and deep emotion in me to want to come out, and be gay, and proud - and I DID, and I moved away from home, and I joined sports groups, and I did umpteen other things in 2010 in this totally different mindset....
....and YET, to my deep frustration and annoyance, the old belief system has crept back in over the last few years, and all the impetus for change and progress had stopped. What is most ridiulous of all is that I can tell you all this, and see it all perfectly, but STILL do not seem capable of finding an answer or a solution.
The coming out process was a uniquely powerful emotion for me, a massive strong desire, that drove me on, motivated me, and 'overrode' my usual introspective thought processes about not having control or ability to change. And so I found myself instinctively acting, and doing, and going, and getting. And all without over-analysis and introspection. I wish I knew how to get that spirit back.
