What's the deal?

[mikeiscool]

So I am kinda sorta seeing this guy. I'm really not sure where we're at. We met online and talked for like 2 weeks (IM, text, phone) before we finally met up. Well, the first night we met nothing happened because his friend was with him, but then he told me he really liked me and stuff later online. We met up the next night, and he took me down to the lake. We basically just hung out in his car and cuddled and held hands. It was really nice. Then later we were IMing again and basically he was telling me stuff that kinda led me to believe we were dating or whatever, like how long til we'll do it, what we'll do, etc.

But since then, when we talk it's kinda been different. We don't really talk a lot about this "relationship" or whatever we have. Just kinda BS about stuff. But then tonight he said something about thinking about me a lot but he doesn't want to cause he doesn't want to fall too fast.

So the reason I am writing is because I feel the same way as him. I have kinda been obsessing over him and where we're headed and stuff, even though it's only been maybe 3 weeks at the most we've been talking. I've never been in a relationship and I was really hoping this would turn out to be one. But even if it can't, I still want to be ok hanging out with him. I mean, he tells me he wants to take me camping for my first time and he wants to show me how to skate (I know, I never learned lol).

So what do I do to stop obsessing over this and trying to define what we have? I just want to be ok with just letting whatever happen.

Thanks in advance boys.

 

[ilguy82]

From personal experience I wouldn't rush it into a relationship with him. Enjoy hanging out with him. It's never good to rush a relationship. It seems like the two of you became really good friends. Give it some time and see what happens.

 

[HotRiot]

dont you get it the signs!



he
wants
to
FUCK!!!!!!!
he
wants
a
real
relationship
not
some
kiddish
ass
13
year
old
stuff
so
go
and
use
a
condom!

 

[KaraBulut]

So what do I do to stop obsessing over this and trying to define what we have? I just want to be ok with just letting whatever happen.

You've got a great thing going. Don't mess it up by overthinking it.

Sometimes these things are like a young child trying to pick up a handful of sand. The harder you squeeze your hand, the more sand will leak through your fingers. The secret to holding the sand is to relax your hand and to not try so hard.

This relationship with this guy is getting you to take risks- from camping to scary emotional stuff. That's a good thing.

Don't try too hard to hold on to the sand. Relax. Enjoy the ride.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>We don't really talk a lot about this "relationship" or whatever we have.

Start. This isn't a good precedent to set.

He says he doesn't want to fall too fast. So tell him, "What if I told you I think I'm falling for you as fast as you're falling for me?" Get to the heart of the matter. "I like you a lot. I think I'd love being in a relationship with you. Is this something you're willing to try?"

Lex

 

[mikeiscool]

I mean, at first I thought we were just going to be friends. Then he was the one that kinda initiated that he wanted more. He said he wanted to wait for the right time to have sex with me, which I totally agree with, and he talked about doing all this stuff with me (not sexual) in the future. But then he says it's moving too fast, etc. so I'm kind of getting mixed signals. Yes, I should probably tell him how I feel even though I already think he knows.

 

[KaraBulut]

Yes, I should probably tell him how I feel even though I already think he knows.

At the very least you should decide what you want and then tell him.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

I'm not clear whether you both want to have sex with each other or not.

If you both want it, what are you waiting for? I hereby give you permission to do it even though you've only known each other a few weeks.

If one of you wants to do it and the other one doesn't, there's obviously a problem.

If neither one of you wants to do it, it could still be a great friendship.

But in any event this is the issue that has to be resolved. Until it is, there's going to continue to be obsessing, vacillating, misunderstanding, etc.

It's time for a discussion where you really get down to business.

 

[PabloZed]

I think there are different rules for different people and for different situations. HOWEVER, I believe its always wrong to try to define a relationship at the beginning. You can't be sure the other person is in the same place you are. Doesn't mean that can't get there, but you can prevent them from developing feelings by scaring them off.

The warning sign is whenever someone says things are moving too fast. That means they are uncomfortable and the best response is to give them space. Don't force anything.

Finally, relationships are always about two people, which means the success or failure of a relationship is not your fault.