What's Too Gay?

[bankside]

Whereas I applaud Davey's campaign to create more understanding and acceptance, his analysis completely ignores the motivation of many "queens" or "flamers" in acting out in such aggressive manners.

It is one thing to simply BE effeminate, but totally another to strut or create drama intentionally. To be fair, a woman acting in public in any such excessively sexualized manner would find herself marginalized from much of the average person's desired social circles. Sure, hyper-sexualized men may fantasize about a Marilyn Monroe over a sidewalk vent, but that's not really an everyday social behavior.

There has to be some acceptable gay response to "in your face" behavior when it is unwelcome.

I agree that cavalier dismissals of the effeminate should not be accepted in gay ranks; however, a universal blessing of all public behaviors in the name of self-expression fails the sniff test.

As to the suggestion that anything authentic cannot be excessive, that is simply propaganda without rationality. Violent people are being authentic, so they can't be too violent? Loud people are being authentic, but they can't be too loud for public spaces? Farting is authentic, but you can't be wrong for farting in public too much? Racists and Neo-Nazis are authentic, but they can't be too hateful or too racist? Thieves are authentically lazy, so they can't be too larcenous and predatory? Happy people are authentic, so they can't laugh too much, too loudly, or inappropriately? Fat people are authentic, so we can't be too fat? The love of music is authentic, so we should be able to blast our music at all times and anywhere? Of course we can be too gay. We can be too anything.

All that said, "too gay" is simply a vapid phrase, without real meaning.

I see what you did there... you tried to sneak some nuance into the conversation. But we won't be having any of that around here.

 

[fetaby]

To the contrary, the entire point was that our public behaviors DO affect those whom we encounter.

Your post simply asserts that those behaviors don't affect (read "offend") you. Somehow, it is fine for you to be irked at my public behaviors, but I'm not allowed to be irked by others'. My, that seems fair.

Your perceptions are one view of society and interactions, and mine are another.

You advocate for the society YOU want, and I'll represent ones I advocate.

We are all affected by what we encounter in public places, whether it is art, litter, profanity, inspiration, or humor.

I hate that you hate my hate...

So the question would be do we grow thicker skins or "go after" those we deem less than? And don't say you don't, otherwise this line of thinking wouldn't even be necessary.

In order for something to have such an adverse reaction, there must be some negative connotations. You're fond of lists, go ahead.

 

[bankside]

If there is such a thing as "gay culture" it has to reflect all of us. To the extent that gay culture is monopolized by stereotypes and clichés, then yes of course it is annoying when people who don't fit those clichés are excluded.

"That's too gay" is not really a condemnation of femininity. It is a complaint that it's time to turn the page and show more gay men as we really are. Any community, but especially a minority within the larger population, will get tired of being expected to behave in a certain stereotypical way. It is tiresome when the majority is trained to expect it. And it is even more tiresome when the minority tries to enforce it. So people aren't really rejecting the dignity of those gay men who happen to be fairly stereotypical. They're saying "Not again" and rolling their eyes, because they're not seeing the true variety of men in the public eye. And they're rejecting the stereotype, not the person.

There are also a small minority within the minority of people who truly do try to act gay. I hate the idea of trying to be "straight acting" because it sells out being yourself in favour of living up to an image of masculinity designed just to make sure straight people don't get weirded out around the homos. But I also hate, at least as much, the idea of trying to be "gay acting." And some people make an effort. They aren't just being themselves. They are putting on a show. And it is fucking tedious, and it's too damned gay. If people can't just be themselves, they can expect me to complain about them, especially when they do it in my name as a gay man.