What's with the "Masculine" thing?

[offthewall14420]

I'm confused by the whole masculine thing. Why do guys need to declare themselves "masculine".... and what does that even mean?

Is it code for no fats or femmes. BC I'm fat and have a feminine side. I enjoy gardening, cooking, flowers, ect... But I like fishing, football, golf, wood-working, and other sports... very much 'masculine' activities.

Is it an euphemism for something else? Do they want a guy who doesn't 'seem' gay? It's just hard to understand.

 

[bankside]

Well in the Gay Kingdom there's a big audience for masculinity because gay men are interested in men, not women.

If you take masculinity to mean "the characteristics of being male" then obviously it's kind of the point of being gay.

The problem is that many people looking for it and many people advertising it don't mean that. They mean "an over-the-top cliché and totally ridiculous caricature of what it is to be male that would put any guy in a straitjacket if he tried to live up to this stereotype."

 

[FireBoy]

To me, the hottest gay guy is the one I wouldn't be able to tell he's gay when he's in public. And that's only possible if he's 100% Masc. At least that's my take on the Masculine thing.

 

[offthewall14420]

I get that masculine = male.... I'm confused by the advertising it.

Are we talking testosterone fueled, aggressive types? Guys like that tend to be abusive and really a walking contradiction.

An alpha-type doesn't go around proclaiming himself to be such. He wouldn't feel the need to. He's an alpha and wouldn't really care. It's self-evident.

Do they want muscle?

 

[offthewall14420]

To me, the hottest gay guy is the one I wouldn't be able to tell he's gay when he's in public. And that's only possible if he's 100% Masc. At least that's my take on the Masculine thing.

So they want a guy who's gay, but is not gay in public? Wouldn't that just be discreet?

 

[offthewall14420]

So what if a 100% masculine gay man kisses his bf in public? Does that make him no longer masculine?

 

[bankside]

I get that masculine = male.... I'm confused by the advertising it.

Are we talking testosterone fueled, aggressive types? Guys like that tend to be abusive and really a walking contradiction.

An alpha-type doesn't go around proclaiming himself to be such. He wouldn't feel the need to. He's an alpha and wouldn't really care. It's self-evident.

Do they want muscle?

There have been a couple of guys over the years who pegged me as gay because I can read, I don't give a fuck about sports, and I didn't spend every weekend trying to either fuck strange women in bars or drink until I puke. For these guys, "I have been to the symphony" = faggot.

This is a bit terrifying in high school but kind of pathetic by the end of university, because at some point you realise they called all your straight friends "faggot" for the same reason, and they never had any fucking actual clue about who I was into. Or any other straight guy I knew who could read.

To be fair they apply the same standard to their jock buddies, who are all assumed to be straight. But when the goldenboy football player from your high school team gets shit-faced at university one night so you do the right thing and drive him home, and then Mr Golden Boy straight football jock BEGS you to come in and "sleep" on his bed, then you realise that masculine clichés don't predict who is straight either.

I like masculinity because I like men. But I also don't feel remotely feminine if I don't live up to a dumb high school cliché of what it means to be a man.

some people never quite get to that level of "not giving a fuck" when they advertise themselves on a dating site.

 

[offthewall14420]

This is all so subjective... everyone is just projecting their own labels onto behaviors or people. What is masculine to one person may be feminine to another.

It's not there's a dictionary of gender role behaviors that everyone agrees upon.

 

[aaggii]

I have no problem with guys describing themselves as masc unless they try too hard. If it comes naturally, then yes, I like a masculine man.

 

[Narvin]

Well in the Gay Kingdom there's a big audience for masculinity because gay men are interested in men, not women.

If you take masculinity to mean "the characteristics of being male" then obviously it's kind of the point of being gay.

The problem is that many people looking for it and many people advertising it don't mean that. They mean "an over-the-top cliché and totally ridiculous caricature of what it is to be male that would put any guy in a straitjacket if he tried to live up to this stereotype."

I second what he said. Gay men are interested in men, not women. The word "masculine" means the person acts the way a traditional male does: strong, dominant, bold, brave. Not saying a woman can't be those things, too, but I think masculine simply means 'not female acting' ie. not into dressing like a girl, no nail polish, no girl underwear, no talking like a girl, no playing girl games, etc...

 

[offthewall14420]

I second what he said. Gay men are interested in men, not women. The word "masculine" means the person acts the way a traditional male does: strong, dominant, bold, brave. Not saying a woman can't be those things, too, but I think masculine simply means 'not female acting' ie. not into dressing like a girl, no nail polish, no girl underwear, no talking like a girl, no playing girl games, etc...

So a gay man who isn't masculine can also be strong, dominant, bold, and/or brave..... as he doesn't wear nail polish or cross-dress?

 

[Seasoned]

Homophobia is behind the "masculine" thing. Straight men are in control because they hold the power, for the most part, and are the "ideal" in the sports and entertainment fields. This is the reason there is likely always going to be a closet because being gay means one can't be masculine. So it's a fool's errand. We're all attracted to whomever we're attracted to, but adding that masculine label can put us in boxes and creates a gay hierarchy. Heterosexism has fucked us over and now we are emulating those "standards?" It also can lead to denying exploration of sexuality. Once a "masculine" guy throws his legs up, is he still mascline? There's a strong sexist quality behind the put down of femininity.

Be who you are. Be attracted to whomever. But don't put down yourself or other people for being something other than a stereotypical straight male.

 

[offthewall14420]

IDK, some people think I'm straight and that offends me. I don't want homophobes to be comfortable around me.