What's your take on this?

[Rex]

I'm not sure if one of my friends/co workers is trying to avoid me or I am just over thinking this.

I work in a restaraunt and I am cool with this guy. A coupe times we went out to eat after work and we always crack jokes with each other and have fun while working. So one day while we were on the same shift I ask him if he wants to hang out tomarow and we made plans to go the gym together because he says he has a guest pass. He asks me what time I wanna go and I tell him at night. Then when that day comes around I text him and he says he can't go because he doesn't have a car. I offer to pick him up and he still says no and we'll go later in the week. I text him two days later and ask him if he wants to go either that day or tomarow and he says tomarow is better. So I text him the next day and he doesn't reply at first but I text him back an hour later saying to just forget it cus there was a snow storm that day and the roads were bad but he again never responded.

So I see him at work at the end of the week and ask him why he never wanted to go and he says he was busy all week. We got into a little argument about the schedule because he's been requesting saturdays off and I have to cover for him and then I leave. I send a text the next day appologizing about the arguement and say it's cool if he wants to request saturday off and he says "nah you're cool bro relax". So I was relieved cus I thought maybe I had done something to piss him off which is why he wasn't wanting to hang out.



So then a couple days later I text him inviting him to come out to eat with me and two other people we used to work with but he doesn't respond. About a week later I text him saying that we should hang out because I'm moving out of state in about a month and he says "yeah for sure we will" and I ask him if he wants to work out tomarow he should let me know before 2pm the next day but he doesn't respond or message me the next day.


I don't know what to make of this? Am I being too pushy or is he just not as good a friend as I thought? It's weird because we were really cool with each other at work and he made plans with me to hang out but ever since he has just seems like been avoiding me and I feel bad because in a month I'm moving and I won't be able to see him again. I don't know what to make of this. I want to spend time with him but at the same time I feel weird and a little pathetic to keep asking.

 

[Telstra]

He considered you are not his "real friend", just a friend maybe.
Maybe talk on the phone or live chat is better than text messages.

About many Saturdays he avoided restaurant work.
Maybe he has a higher pay job like escort work, photography ... etc

 

[Jayden]

Doesnt sound like he was a life friend. More of a work friend. I say let it go and stop contacting him. If he wants to hang with you, let him then contact you.

 

[Rex]

I don't understand it though. Everyone at work is cool with me and of all our coworkers, I'm proably closest with him and have been coolest with him and looked out for him.

Zerlock, he's straight and he doesn't know I'm bi so it's not a sexuality issue.

I thought maybe even though he's being rude I dont know what's going on in his personal life so maybe I shouldn't get upset over it. I think I'm just going to give up and wait for him to contact me if that happens but I still can't help feeling bad and confused. Maybe I was too pushy and it made him want to avoid me.... I don't know.

 

[Jayden]

^^ Dont over think this. Its HIS issue. Not yours.

 

[Telstra]

real friend or nice people will always reply text messages as soon as possible.
People who don't respond to text message quickly without reasons are just rude or don't care about you.

 

[Rex]

At the risk of stereotyping, guys are odd about hanging out, making plans, etc.

He might just be one of those guys who likes to be the one to control things.

And you could be right. There might be something going on in his personal life that is causing this. Don't push him. It will make it worse.

I think you may be right because a lot of my guy friends are really bad about following through on plans, returning phone calls, etc and I don't want to come off as pushy but at the same time I feel kinda bad and can't help but think that I did something wrong to make him not wanna hang out with me but it's probably nothing.

real friend or nice people will always reply text messages as soon as possible.
People who don't respond to text message quickly without reasons are just rude or don't care about you.

Sometimes he will answer right away, other times not at all.

 

[tidimus]

Definitely don't take it personally. This is his issue, and honestly I'm usually the "him" when it comes to work friends.

Frankly I generally don't want to mix my work people with my personal people. My reason is because I'm not out at one of my jobs, but he has his reasons.

What he's doing is trying to blow you off nicely and not be rude. I know because I've done the same thing. I'm NOT saying this is the best way, maybe even a bit cowardly, but from what I'm seeing that's what he's doing.

Be friendly at work and wait for him to text or contact you. My guess is he isn't going to and there's nothing wrong with that. He's just not interested (whatever his reasons).

 

[Rex]

Definitely don't take it personally. This is his issue, and honestly I'm usually the "him" when it comes to work friends.

Frankly I generally don't want to mix my work people with my personal people. My reason is because I'm not out at one of my jobs, but he has his reasons.

What he's doing is trying to blow you off nicely and not be rude. I know because I've done the same thing. I'm NOT saying this is the best way, maybe even a bit cowardly, but from what I'm seeing that's what he's doing.

Be friendly at work and wait for him to text or contact you. My guess is he isn't going to and there's nothing wrong with that. He's just not interested (whatever his reasons).

I hope that's not true and it doesn't make any sense to me if it is because we were so cool with each other at work and we even hung out a couple times afterwards. Plus I'm leaving for the military in a month and I'm throwing a going away part in a few weeks and I wanted him to be there. I haven't told him about the party yet though, but why would he say "for sure we'll hang out" if he didn't want to.

We no longer have the same shifts so I never see him at work anymore.

Meh oh well. I guess I'll wait it out a couple weeks and see if he ever contacts me. If not then I guess you were right.

 

[Rex]

Maybe he has anxiety separation... since he knows that you are leaving soon, he might want to distance himself from you so it won't hurt as much when you leave for good?

I doubt that. It's not like we've been best friends for years. We're just coworkers who are friends and have only hung out a couple times after work to go out to eat but we were becoming better friends and had made plans to go work out and then I he just seems to give me the cold shoulder but I don't think it's anything I did. I'm thinking it might be something he's dealing with in his personal life....

 

[Rex]

It just hurts knowing that somoene I thought I had so much in common with and was looking forward to spending time with before moving doesn't seem to care about me. I know I shouldn't be this hung up on this but I am for some reason and I'm finding it hard to get over it.

 

[Guy89]

I'd say just leave it at that. You repeatedly tried to take the initiative and make plans and you let him know you don't have much time left before you move, there's not much else you can do. He knows what's going on. I'd say the ball is in his court now. If he makes no effort to do anything about it I'd be kind of upset too, but like I said, there's really not much you can do without making yourself feel stupid or clingy or something. I wonder what's going on with him.

 

[Telstra]

It just hurts knowing that somoene I thought I had so much in common with and was looking forward to spending time with before moving doesn't seem to care about me. I know I shouldn't be this hung up on this but I am for some reason and I'm finding it hard to get over it.

Thats why people need as much contacts/hookup as possible.

Don't rely on one person.

 

[willsboy84]

i feel i should remind you that stalking is illegal in all 50 states
lol..j/k. although, i can't help but worry that you're gonna drive yourself crazy over that fool.

 

[Rex]

i feel i should remind you that stalking is illegal in all 50 states
lol..j/k. although, i can't help but worry that you're gonna drive yourself crazy over that fool.

You're right.

Some things I forgot to mention about this guy is that he's only 18 and he isn't exactly the friendliest person to other employees. Seems as though lots of people don't really care for his attitude, but of all his coworkers I have been closest with him which is why I was surprised that he's been so distant with me.

Philly urban, a couple people at work know I am bi because I told them but they haven't told anyone. Your post scared me for a second but I am almost 100% sure they haven't told him because

A. they aren't the type to gossip and knew upfront that it isn't something to spread around

and

B. if they were to gossip, he is the last person they'd probably tell.

oh well I am going to try to not let it bother me, I probably just need time and I'll feel better.

 

[Knucklehead]

Boy,you sure text alot.

I think Jayden nailed it in post 4.Some people (a lot) keep work freinds separate.Sure,they'll hang out during lunch break, but after work they hang out with people they already know..

Just my take..

 

[willsboy84]

You're right.

Some things I forgot to mention about this guy is that he's only 18 and he isn't exactly the friendliest person to other employees. Seems as though lots of people don't really care for his attitude, but of all his coworkers I have been closest with him which is why I was surprised that he's been so distant with me.

Philly urban, a couple people at work know I am bi because I told them but they haven't told anyone. Your post scared me for a second but I am almost 100% sure they haven't told him because

A. they aren't the type to gossip and knew upfront that it isn't something to spread around

and

B. if they were to gossip, he is the last person they'd probably tell.

oh well I am going to try to not let it bother me, I probably just need time and I'll feel better.

that's just naive.

there's this chick i used to work with, who i came to regard as one of my closest friends. i'd gotten myself into a situation with a male coworker, which ended up getting spread all over the job. after initially denying the encounter, i confided to my good friend "Susie" that i liked dick. i was 100% positive i could trust her with everything i told her. so much so that she was actually the 1st person i actually said those words out loud to. my mistake. bitch ran her mouth quick as shit. had pretty much the entire conversation repeated back to me by someone else, not even an HOUR after i told her.

 

[Rex]

stop texting him, it's his turn to do that and if he doesn't that is his problem (and his loss), not yours.

maybe he just doesn't see that friendship the way you do, and that sucks, but for the love of cock stop texting him before he gets the wrong impression.

You're right. I exted him more than I should have but I haven't since the last time I mentioned in my story and don't plan to again.

 

[jizzeater]

My first thought is he found out you're bi. From his behavior, it sure sounds like it to me.

 

[Willie Boy]

I would say your come off as being pushy. If something comes up and he has to reschedule, don't keep harassing him about it. Give him time to deal with whatever is going on, offer to help with whatever he may need help with, but don't force the issue. If you do, you come off as a clingy, needy, pushy bitch. And that is the quickest way to drive people away, even if they would like to spend time with you.

Did you ever stop to consider he might have had a family situation that came up? Maybe his boy/girlfriend broke up with him. Whatever it was, your drama was hitting him at the wrong time. Live and learn.