When bromance becomes romance?

[basadd]

glad i found this board because I have been wanting to get things off my chest. Ive been hanging out with a friend that Ive known and had a 100% platonic relationship with for about maybe 15 years. We were always really close, when we hung out wed often have long conversations and go to places together, enjoying the same things.

I had non sexual "special" moments with him, ranging from late night conversational self discovery, to this one time where I had been away from him for a year, which caused me to miss him dearly - when I once had the opportunity to visit the states again he did not have a phone at the time. at the very end of that visit home, I was standing outside my house , ready to go in to go to bed before i went on an airplane again. Right as I walked inside, I saw headlights coming up the street. He had RANDOMLY driven 4+ hours to my house from DC - and caught me at the last possible second. I will always remember the improbability of that, and how we stayed up all night driving around talking.

Eventually I came back to the states, but because of personal situations could not live close to him anymore. I contacted him as much as possible however and maintained the friendship. We now live about 4 hours away from each other, and was only able to see him once in the past year+. A few months ago, during one of our regular multi-hour phone conversations (sometimes the phone dies halfway) we get to talking about things we are ashamed of about ourselves, or that we think would ruin our friendship if the other person knew. It came down to a "show yours and ill show mine" situation. I went first. I came out to my best friend thinking he would now judge me negatively, seeing as how he had made negative comments towards homosexuals in the past.

He actually said something among the lines of "thats awesome". Then there was a long pause.. He says, "listen, I get accosted by girls all the time (hes gorgeous) but the truth is.. (another pause) Im gay".

ever since then it has felt like some wish came true.

in the months that have passed I have almost totally lost the desire to orgasm conventionally, but have become very sexual in an introspective way.
I dream of him kissing me, and more.
I want to be his, I want to be a vehicle towards his happiness.

maybe itll never come to pass, but these emotions are real and I will always cherish the time I had and hopefully will have with him, no matter what happens.


thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

 

[trikky]

hey man that's an awesome story. Have you been speaking with the guy since the come outs? Maybe it's time for you guys to meet up again. It's a difficult situation though but I think taking things slowly and maybe opening up the conversation about your gay lives might give you both perspective on where you both are at the mo. Take it slow though. After 15 years as close friends that's not something you wanna lose, those kind of friendships are few and far between in life. Good luck man and keep us updated.

 

[rareboy]

Oh for heaven's sakes.

Meet up and fuck your brains out.

Life is short.

 

[thatguygus]

^^^ for real you got the opportunity half of jub wishes for

 

[BITCH1213]

I'm really glad for you, even though nothing has happened, I'm kind of going through the same situation atm.. and its nice to know others are going through the same thing.

 

[basadd]

^^^ for real you got the opportunity half of jub wishes for

thanks so much for the replies! I really had to share that with some people. And knowing that this is not an entirely unique situation is comforting as well.

I turn to goo when thinking about him. I just literally spent 5 minutes at the keyboard daydreaming.

Like I said earlier though, no matter what this will work out, just maybe not how i expected or whatever. There is love between us of some kind. I am honestly content.

You guys have made my evening. Ill try and positively contribute to this board regularly.

 

[conrad]

Your story illustrates the value of friendship and relationship apart from sex and when the happy time comes when the moment is right for things to come together one wants to be ready.

You also note that where there is tha bond of love the anticipation of the communion in sex can be overpowering. When it happens you will discover that the sex confirms the bond that already exists and also strngthens that bond.

Seredipity is a wonderful gift. The best things in life come into one's life often unexpectedly.Be ready to take hold of such opportunities.

 

[conrad]

The word is SERENDIPITY and refers to that wonderful quality of openness to the good things that come into one's life and to take hold of them and exploit them. A great word I should not have misspelled. Sorry.

 

[Kyanimal]

O.K. ... I'm afraid I'm going to play "Devil's Advocate" here ...

First of all, your story is Wonderful! I can totally relate to having Very Special people in your Life! Those that you can get close to, and share Everything with! I've been lucky enough to have had a few of those cross paths with me. Some of them I'm still in touch with after (Oh, Shit!) 42yr., now!!

But ... my stories aren't the point, here. That's just to give you a reference in regards to what I'm about to say ...

I think it's AWESOME that you both turned out to be Gay! HOWEVER, as Gorgeous as He may be, and as Close to Him that You may be, this still may NOT be the "answer to your dreams"!

What if Your desires for Him, as in the possibilities of a Physical relationship, are not reciprocal on His part?? What if it turns out, in spite of your "closeness" to each other, that You just might not be His "type"?? Are you willing to grant Him that Option??

One of my friends, whom we each ended up "adopting" as Brothers to each other, (Heck!, we even bought a house and lived together!), also was Gay! And, I was COMPLETELY enamored of Him!! But ... it turned out I was simply not His "type"! Took me YEARS to get over that!

I had to realize that my infatuation with Him was coming from "Within" Myself, and not "Projected" from Him! I had to bring myself to Accept that my "Crush" on Him was not something that He was feeling in return! And, yet, to this day, because I was able to Love, and Support, and even Promote, HIS wishes, desires, and Hopes, in spite of my own Desires, He (and his Husband), now living in Australia, have a "Home", in that house that we bought together, so many years ago, whenever they manage to make it back to "The States".

And you know what? The Friendship, "Brother Hood", that I have with Him, and his Partner, are far more Important than they ever were!

Are You willing to let your Friend be Free to choose His own paths? What is more Important to You? Your (current) hopes of maybe "getting together"? OR ... the value of your Friendship, above and beyond your own feelings and desires?

IF it turns out that You are not His "type", can you accept that and still support Him??

Just some thoughts about how your future relationship, with Him, might have to go! Can You do that in spite of what it might take to let it happen that way??

The question is ... How much do you Truly LOVE Him, as opposed to how much You might WANT Him, yet, are willing to, possibly, sacrifice Yourself to Support Him??

Just some "food for thought" ...

I sincerely Wish that All might work out in You "favor"! But, what if it doesn't? Will You still be "There" for Him so He can still be "There" for You??

Of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[basadd]

wow, thanks for that thoughtful post Kyanimal.

I agree with you 100%. Just because I want him a certain way doesnt mean he wants me. Furthermore, Im out and hes closeted to everyone but me [and maybe a couple others]. This decision of his, combined with a few years of hard times, has made him somewhat bitter and jaded.

He reaches out to me weekly, on a specific day, at an ungodly time of night and we chat until the next morning. He has all the control of the communication; and sometimes the communication is quite negative, with me trying to temper his depressive tendencies. Other times though, It is life-affirming. When I speak to him I usually dont talk much, I just listen and facilitate until there is nothing left to say.

What Im getting at is I think I understand the complex nature of the situation and that I need to control my own emotions, and passion. [posting here is me trying to let off emotional steam]

That is exceedingly hard though. As I tried to express earlier my desired role is to be his means to a happier life. I think I am going to try and do that for him no matter what the situation is between us. We've been through so much together.

 

[Kyanimal]

Excellent, basadd!

Your response tells me that You have the potential, of fully Understanding, how your handling of your relationship can lead to Wonderful things, for You and your Friend, in both of your Futures!

I am wishing you Both the Very Best in your continuing Relationship with each other!!

Of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Lube]

I need to control my own emotions, and passion.

No you don't. Not yet, anyway.

Only if you tell him about your crush and he shows no interest will you have to control your emotions.

Just tell him and be done with it. If he's in love, great! If not, do what Chaz (Kyanimal) did and keep your emotions in check.

I can't believe you two came out to each other months ago and still are dancing around the room.

Taking risks in life is what makes it exciting. Sure, there's the potential for disappointment, but you'll never be with anyone if you never take risks.

(And your friendship of 2 closeted guys helps reinforce my point about people having friendships/relationships with people who are similar to them [it seems silly for me to even have to say it, but some people can't see that]. No, just because you're straight or gay doesn't mean all your friends have to also be straight or gay, but it certainly tends that way based on common interests & sensibilities.)

 

[Halifaxboy8]

Your relationship sounds a lot like the one I have with my best friend. But, he is you and I am your friend.

He and I are/were (I live across the country now) inseperable. We'd spend every moment that we weren't working (or similar obligations) together. In those moments we'd share the most intimate discussions, do the craziest things, and just spend hours together. We'd have long walks along a breakwater at 3am, hike into a rainforest, or just sit and smoke a joint or share a beer, talking about anything and everything.

He carried a torch for me and he DID tell me. I listened to him and accepted it as the greatest compliment. However, he was a brother to me, not a lover. When the conversation happened it wasn't uncomfortable, it sort of seemed like something that naturally needed to be cleared up so that we could go on.

This is just perspective, and does not reflect what is happening in your reality.

I think I shared that to perhaps give a flip-side view, and a buffer. Sometimes having "I care about you..alot" or "I love you" conversations can end awkwardly. From the receiving end of one of those, based on the strength of our friendship/brotherhood, it was no biggie. He will always be a brother to me and I love him, but not intimately.

There is a long history of sharing, of intimacy. At the end of the day, just talk to your friend.