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When did you know?

Like most gay men, I knew from a very early point that it was boys who made me excited. But its got me wondering if there was a moment in a young boys life where he realises "hang on… I think its guys that I'm into." I know many guys that have told me that they had known when they were 5 or when they were 10. But is that feeling of 'knowing' always there, manifesting into something bigger as puberty hits. Or, is there a switch that just gets flicked on at a certain time?

When we're surrounded by a society that still shies away from the word 'gay' in 2013, its hard to imagine how a young homosexual adolescent male grows to accept his sexuality 10, 20, 30 or even 40 years ago. Hollywood paints a great picture of the archetype male; strong, muscular and above all, a fantastic womaniser. Any thought of male to male fondness is thrown completely out the window. Furthermore, the typical family notions of a few years ago expected all boys to grow up to become a man, marry a woman and have 3 beautiful children. So how do you expect a gay man to know who he is when he's identity has already been decided by societal 'norms'.

The more I think about this, the more I think how it'd be impossible for a young gay man to accept himself. And yet, it has happened. Plenty of time. With plenty of people. From all around the world. I, myself is a prime example. I told you that I've known from an early age that I was gay. Yet I never exactly knew when. No, I never played with barbies when I was five. Like most of the boys in kindergarten, I thought all the girls had cooties. Hell, I don't even think I knew what 'gay' meant till high school. And that was when I knew. I didn't know if there was a switch that flicked on, I just knew. From year 7 onwards, it was the boys that my eyes were drawn to.

Yes I knew I was gay, but did I accept it? No. I tried to change it. I remember googling 'am I really gay?' on the computer and finding a table that told me it was a normal thing every adolescent boys went through. Idolisation was what they called it. I remember the relief that went through me when I saw that table. I remember thinking to myself I still had a 'chance'. But a chance a what? Marriage? Kids? Looking back now, I could blame society for making me feel that way. But it wasn't society that made me feel like that. It was me who made me feel like that. And when I realised that, that was when the acceptance for being gay came.

I didn't know when I told myself 'kevin you're gay'. I don't think I ever did. I just knew. Whether it was when I was five or when I was 12 starting high school or when I was 14 convincing myself that I wasn't gay. I just knew. So reader, if you're still reading this, here's my question for you. When did you know?
 
Very interesting! When I was (I'd guess) about 10 or 11 I was always drawn towards other boys, especially good looking ones and sporty ones, but it certainly wasn't a sexual thing, it was more of an intense admiration, I suppose. I certainly had no feeling at all for girls at that age, or not that I can remember. I was at an all boys school by that age, so I suppose I spent far, far more time with other boys than with girls. We did the usual thing around that age and as we got older - comparing cocks in the locker room and being fascinated by the boys who were more developed, but, again, I recall no sexual feelings. Certainly by the time I was about 12 or 13, this had developed into sexual desire for other boys, so I suppose I was 'gay', but I didn't consider myself as such. When I had my first 'boyfriend' aged about 14 (although I wouldn't have called him that!), we used to say to each other 'I'm not gay, I just fancy you' as we jerked each other off and talked about the other guys we'd carefully observed in the locker room at HS. Intriguing to look back on it. It was certainly a lot of fun!
 
The first time I realized that I was interested in having sex with men was when I was about 13 or 14 years old - around 1970 or so. Some of the guys at the place i went to pick up newspapers for delivery got hold of a gay porn mag and were passing it around. Two of the pictures I saw were a three way suck circle and a four way chocolate choo-choo. I made the appropriate disgusted noises and insults, but then I had to turn away - I was getting hard as a rock. I had no idea that men could have sex with each other (I was always sexually naive), but I realized I wanted to try it.

I fought these feelings for years, only quietly revealing that I thought I was bi to people I knew were gay-friendly. I even went on a "date" with a guy from work, but was completely oblivious to the fact it was a date. Other than receiving a blow job from a guy who picked me up hitchhiking, nothing happened until I was 43 when I finally sucked cock and got fucked for the first time. It was then - and only then - that I knew for a fact that I was gay. No wonder I was never really interested in having sex with the women I dated up to that time.

25 years later, I'm still gay.
 
Interesting thoughts. Society has a way of impressing values on us, so aggressively that we are afraid to violate them. I started fantasizing about cuddling boys and kissing them from about age 10, my next door neighbor particularly. By the time I was a teen it was getting more intense obviously. I was scared to death. I thought it was a secret I'd take to the grave. There were other gays out there someone for sure, but no way was homosexuality common. Then, in my late teens my view of the world got bigger and I found that I was no the only one. I came out and all the other gays came out of the woodwork. This was all around 2005 when things in general started getting better for us. When I started following the movement for gay rights, that's when I really felt empowered and normal. I knew that I could have any life I wanted, single or family with another man, and not be given a hard time or made afraid to be out.

Anyway, the point is I agree there are specific times that these emotions mature. There are specific turning points in a young gay man's life where things get better. For some gay men that happens all in the preteen years. For others it can happen in their 40s.
 
Knowing and accepting are two different things. At least for me. Ever since I can remember I was a sexual being. As a child, living in a family that consisted of my mother, two sisters and a brother and being the youngest, I seemed to be drawn to the curiosity of the human male form. It was something that was not allowed to be spoken of within the family as my mother ignored such things. My father had died when I was only 14 months old and she was of the "old school." She was not strict, however we knew speaking of anything in a sexual manner was not tolerated. Because of this, I think it made it more intriguing to me. The dark and forbidden fruit.
I and neighborhood kids, both boys and girls, played "doctor and nurse," experimenting with each other and learning the difference between us. This continued into my teens with my best buddy and others in our group of friends. By the time I was 14 or 15 we stopped and everyone, including me, had a girlfriend. But, as I recall, even the kissing and petting I did with my girlfriend did not turn me on sexually. I had crushes on many of the boys in high school, but could not act on them without being called a queer and being ostracized by my peers. My feeling was that it was still a phase I was going through and I would grow out of it, marry and have a family. I still had occasional sex with boys, but it was secretive and taboo. College came and I finally accepted that I was gay. But all those years I had known deep in my heart that I was only sexually attracted to men. It took the many years to finally be truthful with myself. But even then with my acceptance it was a taboo situation. You did not wear your sexuality on your sleeve. It had to be hidden from everyone until you found those you could trust. Usually other gay men. There were those in high school that were assumed to be gay, but they were not fully accepted by the majority of others. Bullying was not prevalent, at least in the physical sense. I find it strange that now that gays have gained more acceptance from society we are learning of more bullying. Even to the point of suicides. Those poor souls must have gone through pure hell in order to bring an end to their lives. But with more technology and social media, it seems easier to be the anonymous bully. I don't know if there is a switch that turns on at a particular time of life, but if there is, it probably is at the full acceptance of ones sexuality, whatever time of life that may be.
 
Let me start off by saying, I'm gay leaning BI and grew up in the late 50's, thru the 60's.
With that said, I started out very early eating my own cum (just seemed natural / instinctual) when I masturbated. And I masturbated a lot, as I assume we all did. So that means I ate a lot of cum and so I grew to love my cum pretty quickly. Around this time, I started to masturbate with my best friend (Tom) on a regular basis. One day, he asked me if I would be interested in trading BJ's. Well, since I knew I loved my cum, I jumped at the opportunity to have a BJ and give him one because I knew I would like it. I was not disappointed, I was in heaven in both roles.
At this time in (my neck of the world at least) I had no access to any information / porn about sex of any kind. So, naturally, I was pretty confused about my sexuality because I LOVED sucking his cock, swallowing his cum and also was turned on (though I did not have sex with a girl till 8 years later) by the thought of girls. As you can imagine, I stayed confused for a long time and I was in my 20's before I came to the realization that I might be BI, and another few years before I accepted it.
For the record, - gay leaning BI to me means that I prefer cock sucking, not much interest in pussy but it's good too.
 
I've been curious about gay sex for years been married twice never got a lot out of sex with a woman then when I was 42 I finally had sex with a man and I love it I realized then I must been gay all along just didn't realize it. Now I wish I had tried it years ago
 
I am 43 psnsexual gender fluid submissive bottom/ vers. I was truly very mature at a early age. I also had ocd that caused severe hyper sexuality. I started experimenting at a young age. In 1987, I had 6 males I was playing with regularly. The ages ranged from young to past middle age. The silver daddies are what I remember the most. I definitely have gerontophilia.
 
Growing up me and my best friend did everything together. We were more like brothers instead of friends. I'll never forget the first bj I ever got from him and also giving my first. My friend was very good looking and very athletic. He was seeing one of the cheerleaders from the basketball team and she was hot. That Friday night him and his girlfriend went to the movies and he called me after he got home. He told me that she had sucked his dick in the movies that night and how wonderful it felt. We talked a while and I finally told him I was going to sleep. The next night, he stayed at my house and that when the fun started. He brought up the date the night before and how much he enjoyed the bj. All this talk was getting me horny and my friend knew it. He said I was getting a little jealous. I laughed and said maybe a little. All of a sudden my friend starts rubbing my dick and tells me there's no need to be jealous. He pulls my dick out and starts sucking on my cock and rubbing my balls. I was in heaven. We made our way over to the bed and I asked him if I could suck his. He pulled out his rock hard cock and I put it in my mouth. I sucked his manhood and fondled his balls. He was ready to cum so he pulled out and shot his load in his shirt. If I would of known the pleasure of swallowing a man's load back then, then that load would not have been wasted. Our little cocksucking routine continued for a couple of years till he went off to college. He's married now and lives out of state. When we talk on the phone the subject still comes up. If he only knew how many cock I've sucked since. Oh and now I swallow!!!!
 
Without going into detail... I was heading home after a night of drinking with guys and gals when I ran into a guy who showed me his cock. Was totally hetero but turned bi in a microsecond. It was like a light switch in my head had been flipped to ON. I wanted to hold and stoke his cock. I did and it felt so right and normal. I wanted to have it in my mouth. I did and I couldn't get enough. I wanted his cum, knew I would love it and he came. I was now a dedicated sucker of cock and a cum slut-whore-pig. I now live for cock in mouth and, though I've swallowed gallons of cum over the years, I can never get enough.
 
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