When does it become an obsession..??

[drumrboy90]

so i met this guy last summer in this group that we both became a part of at the same time. As the season progressed and months went by i would only pay attention to him very often. but i guess thats what happens when you dont really know someone new. but still we talked and joked and would occasionally hang out in a group. It only was recently at the beginning of this year where we would only get together, just the two of us, cause he lived pretty close to me. and we would hang out atleast one day of the week for about like two months. I have always thought he was the funniest most kind hearted person i prob have met to date, but it was only until about a month and half ago that i was starting to fall for him. Everytime we would hang out it came down to him coming over to myplace and we would watch a movie and he would just stay over. We would both sleep in my bed together. I would say he stayed over about like 7 times(I still live at home(which sucks)) but i would say that everytime he would stay over there were times at night where it felt like he wanted to cuddle. (BUT i dont know what his sexual preference is... i dont think ive ever seen him with a girl, he's never mentioned anything about having a gf to me.) so i didnt know what to do when that would happen cause i didnt want to make the move and have him be like wtf? and just ruin the friendship we have.... but i would say like the past two weeks it seems like he has been avoiding me? or im prob just overthinking the fact that he doesnt seem to be able to hang out as much. he's busy with what he does. and i just dont want to seem annoying or obsessive to him. there are times when i just feel some anxiety if he doesnt return a text or any form of trying to get ahold of him. ......sigh*


just another fall for the best friend situations... but any form of help or advice on what are the next steps to see if anything can happen.. cause it seems he's into me too.. but yah. thanks for reading.

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome to JUB. Now don't come busting out of any closets because of what might get posted here, but do understand that the closet can lead to obsessions. I'm not saying you have one, but it could get to that if you let it. The best thing to do is making sure you have things to do and some people to do them with.

It's not easy guessing what some one else's intentions are, and it might not be safe making a move and then not being in control of your own coming out process.

Crushes are normal and can be frustrating. Try not to be the only one to stay in touch. See what happens when you wait for him to text or call. In the meantime keep meeting as many people you can.

 

[drumrboy90]

yeah thanks. i dont necessarily try and make any moves on him. i mean if he tries to make a move, or what i think is a move, i dont try to move away or become startled. id say i just let things go however he chooses whenever we're together but i try and steer some stuff in that general direction. as in staying in touch. i do text him every so often but there are times when he does contact me so its like a phone tag situation.

although tonight he did invite me to get ice cream and catch a movie in the theater. something good and decent. something more from the trip to Santa Monica we took yesterday.

 

[jstanthrguy88]

Just keep it up. If hes into you he will eventualy crack and you will know. Hes probably in the same boat you are. As long as you get to see him thats all that matters. But dont put yourself in a situation that in 20 seconds you cant control like he said

 

[TX-Beau]

OK, what's the advice we always give in this situation.

If you don't tell him about you, you'll never know about him.

DON'T tell him you want his cock (straight guys never want to hear that, no matter how nice,) but if you think he's a good friend, do tell him you're gay. I guarantee you that if you do, you'll have your answer. Just don't assume it's going to be the one you want it to be.

Then you both can move on.

If you're unwilling to come out for whatever reason, there's nothing we can do or say to help, because we don't know him, we have no idea if he's gay or not. All we have is your side of things, and that's not enough to make any kind of accurate guess.

 

[drumrboy90]

yeah thanks for the words.

i think its just a lack of seeing him that gets to me. i think just being around him is enough for me to feel good. its not so much the whole relationship thing, but more so just having his company. and like i said i do text him very often, but i guess i just have to tone it down alittle and just see if he texts me.

i know for awhile it felt to me like i was texting him too much and perhaps just bothering him too much. but ive toned it down since then. and the last time we were together we went back to his place and watched a movie and offered to let me stay there. i didnt sadly.....

 

[rareboy]

My advice as usual is to stop trying to create a virtual friendship or relationship and focus on real live interaction.

I'm glad to read that you've toned it down. It is up to him to do at least half the work. Measure your investment by this.

And next time you're invited to stay over, for heaven's sakes, take him up on it. Even if he isn't plotting to fuck you silly, it is a great way to get to know someone better and to spend time. since he invited you over once, you could return the invitation by the way.

 

[drumrboy90]

rareboy
i do really try to see him as much as possible. There are times when i do want him to contact me first to get together rather than me having to text or call him to meet up which i guess ties into him doing half the work....

and yeah... haha . i really think i should have stayed over at his place that night now that i think of it.. i punked out right there. and dont get me wrong i have invited him over to watch movies and he has stayed over. when he does we do share my bed which has been great.

 

[rareboy]

^ I don't think you've got all that much to worry about, then.

I forgot about you already having had him in your bed.

Except I think you really should tell him that you're gay if you haven't and hope that he is too. But don't be hurt if he wants a friend and not a lover.

 

[drumrboy90]

maybe i will tell him. but not only to tell him that i love him and spill the beans to him and expect him to tell me the same..

i'll be sure to wait when the time is right and when im sure he'll be ready to hear me and will be willing to understand it. but until then we're just best friends unless he decides initially that he wants to take things a different direction.

i think for me.. i just want him in my life for as long as possible whether he is my friend or something more. thats what i hope for in the future.

 

[drumrboy90]

Justlove

not so much direct things like you did. more so like when we are walking he kind of gets close to me and me to him. but whenever he would stay over there was a time when i was seroiusly shivering and he prob felt it and he came closer to me. stuff like that...

not so much direct intimate stuff. hopefully soon.

 

[drumrboy90]

i wish i did have the balls to do that. hahaha. idk what he would think if he woke up during the night and we were somehow interlocked cause im still not sure of what he prefers.... >_<

well when he does stayover... he usually falls asleep with pants on and then alittle into the night he takes them off and just has a shirt and boxer briefs on. so i just do the same. though we do have separate blankets so yeah..

but lemme just say.. he does have a very nice behind.. a very very nice behind.. haha.

 

[hornifratboi]

Hey man,

I have been in the same boat many, many, MANY times with friends and dealing with the issue of it becoming an obsession. Now I'm also in the closet and so I kind of agree with the statement that maybe it is something that tends to effect "closeted guys" more cause we dont have that support system to let loose on some things. That being said I wouldnt jump to running around the street with a rainbow flag just cause you want in his pants - play it kool, bring stuff up about sex, girls, hell watch porn together and gauge his reaction.

Honestly though my post is more bout the obsession thing, it does become an obsession pretty fast man. I've had buddies who I would follow around for any attention and got seriously pissed/anxious if they didnt text me (which provoked more texts, meaning more got ignored, meaning i got more anxious). My advice, and take it from a guy whose had to do it and know how hard it is - let him come to you. If he has an interest (in you or whats in your pants) he'll come round. If not then screw him and find someone new to screw

 

[drumrboy90]

just love.

dont get me wrong. the last time he stayed here we fell asleep and it got real cold and i was shivering real bad. and i guess he did feel that i was shivering and he got closer to me. haha. and i did put my hand on his chest but took it off. i guess we do stuff but its only for like a brief second. he's grabbed my hands and pulled them closer. just stuff like that.

and yeah i guess next time we are together ill talk about relationships and stuff like that and see what he says and his reactions.

as for his butt. hahaha. well he does sleep with only boxers on and usually the next morning he gets out of the bed and puts on his jeans. ive only sean it with boxer briefs and it is realllly nice. real nice for a white guy XP

fratboi
yeah just because i want to be with him doesnt mean ill immediately come out to him and expect the same response from him. maybe in wonderland that would happen, but unfortunately we live in this real world thing which at times sucks...... ill just wait until i sense its the right time and when we are closer.

its not so much of an obsession but more like an infatuation... i guess i do get anxious when i text him and he doesnt respond or when i dont see him for periods of time. and i guess i do kind of follow him around when we are at some sort of social gathering... im treating it like we are together and i have to remind myself over and over to stop thinking that cause in the end its just me deceiving and tormenting myself. i guess i will just let him come to me... cause in the end i just want him to stay in my life. in any relationship we have.

 

[drumrboy90]

i took it off. haha.

and the safer the better i guess. i wouldnt want to lose him all together.

Well first off let me just say that he is just a funny guy. there is never a time when i am with him that i dont laugh. there are times when he just starts repeatin like "suckin on a dick, suckin on a dick" which i just take as just being funny. and other times he says stuff like "im gay" but like not in a serious tone. i just see it as a monologue type of joke but there are times where i think he says that with some meaning... but then again its prob just me wanting to think that he is... grrrrr.

 

[drumrboy90]

wow thanks for all that info.

i have overcome it before. one guy that i seriously liked while in high school and we actually had a fling. but he kind of just lost interest and i still liked him were i was just kind of anxious on the fact that he didnt like me anymore. but yeah i learned to just become occupied with other stuff and slowly i just was no longer dependent on him being there. so yeah its something not too different for me.. i guess i just have to not overthink some guys right away and not fall for someone too fast... i know that nothing lasts forever.