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When does it get better?

The only thing I am sure of is that there really is no answer to when it gets better! Most people who are partnered, at least for the long term or life are not with the first person they dated or had feelings for. Maybe a change of scenery would help if that'swht you want. Gay men are as diverse a group of people as anyone else is. Stay open to the possibilites and be your self. I have been with the same wonderful man for 22 years. To be honest, he is not what my fantasy man was when I was that age. But, I fell in love with him because of who he is. I find him hot, don't get me wrong, he's just different that what I somehow invisioned. Had I had blinders on I would have missed him. Who you fall in love with is not really that easy of a formula. Do what you do and meet people. Bars are not all evil horrible places filled with sex starved one night stands. There are many types of guys who just like to go out and be around other men they know are gay and have a good time without worrying about any judgement. Try the groups again. You are not alone feeling like you do, so maybe the next guy you meet there may be a good one. In either place, if you make friends it may be a friend of a friend of a friend that you might meet. You never know. I remember feeling like you do though. I wish I could say it is just around the corner, but no one can tell you that. Be happy within yourself, I believe, and the rest will follow.
 
You're damend attractive and if the rest of what you said is true, probably a hell of a catch. Unfortunately when some people see someome as attractive as you are the first and only thing they're small little minds can think of is "doing" you with no thought of the person you are behind the looks. The fact that you don't want this speaks volumes in your favor. Do hold out for a higher standard if that's what's imoportant to you. Don't become what you think they want, the right ones will want who you are if you're being honest.

As for when it gets better, somewhere after taking a deep breath, relaxing and not worrying about being "partnered" right away. Take your time and continue to pursue what makes you happy, along that path you will find someone who makes you happy, not the other way around.

Good luck to you and let us know how you're doing.
 
I think you should commit yourself to build strong relationships with guys that are already a part of a happy well developed and stable couple - look to them in a perspective to see what makes their relationship work. They can look at a fellow and see if he is right for you. They also could serve as an example to guys you date - where you can all spend time together and nurture your budding relationship.

Note: build your relationship with couples with an equal endearment. Favoring one guy in a couple could provoke the odd man out to become protective/defensive. However, if you do develop an attraction to a "married gay man" and find to him having a desire to build a relationship with you...then All is fair in love and war. You might find the perfect boyfriend in a guy who is already in a committed relationship - but is not as happy as they would like to be.

Regardless - you are an attractive guy. I would think you would have plenty of guys chasing you around a Rehoboth gay hot spot. Go out with your coupled friends and seek out the right guys. When you spot one - just walk right up to them, give them that knock out smile of yours, look him the eyes and tilt your head and say "hi". Keep smiling and tilting closer. If he is into you he will respond friendly way. If he smiles, looks you in the eyes and tilts his head - I have the feeling you will have someone that most likely want to have more to do with you than sex. Take him by the hand and ask his if he would like go to a more private place to talk, dance or whatever - just make a move asap to show that you are intested in him and you want to know about what he wants relationshipwise. Converse about what you would like to experience with another guy (like going to a nice restaurant, or walking the beach - things anyone wouldn't necessarily do alone), then get his phone number. Follow thru by calling on him to accompany you in doing something memorable.

It will get better in time...it just takes take to navigate yourself down the path that takes you where you want to be. I'm wishing you find shortcut to the right man for you and that you build a lifelong commitment to a man who so dearly feels the same.
 
Being straight-acting makes no difference. It wouldn't matter if you were extremely effeminate - some people are just look for bed partners. Nothing wrong with that. It's just not what YOU're looking for.

You came out in October, and you've already been in three relationships. (Not very longlasting ones, but still.) That's actually quite a few for a newbie. :) I came out when I was 22. My first boyfriend came along four years later. Not that that's typical, but hey, it happens.

If you're looking for something besides just someone to boink, you're going to have to make that clear from the outset. And, ideally, keep Mr Happy in your pants until the "relationship" part has a chance to take hold. It's easier to believe someone's looking for something "meaningful" if they're keeping their hands to themselves, you know what I mean? :)

So just take your time. Meet some people of all stripes - gay and straight. You'll find someone eventually. :)

Lex
 
It does get better, and it will. You're attractive, you sound confident, you're young. I've been there and it sucks, but the worst thing you can do is sacrifice what you want out of a guy and a relationship just so you don't have to be alone. Some guy will come along.

I'm sorry that things did not work out with the other guy. I doubt it was because of you. You said he had just lost a loved one. Perhaps he was afraid of getting involved, and then having to lose you too.

Just go out and meet new people and have fun. If you're out looking, it makes it feel like it's going to take that much longer to find a the guy you want.
 
well, no offence but I'll be the voice of realism.

I'm pretty attractive, not perfect but still cute, funny, nice, smart, etc... and people I'm not even the best of friends with tell me the same 'whoever you wind up with is lucky, you're a great catch, etc...' and I KNOW that.

but it's been two years since I came out and nada. Honestly, just... forget about it and it'll come to you. I don't know when, because I mean it hasn't even happened for me yet. So be a patient little camper, a lot of us ARE looking for long-term relationships aka me
 
I have been looking for about 3 years and a few failed relationships. I had given up, and stopped looking. I started chatting with a fellow jubber here, BrandonSBCA, and before i knew it we had fallen in love. We have been officially together for 3 months now. So my advice, for what is worth, is do not try so hard to find some one. . . and be open to all possibilities, you never know where you will find your true love.
 
Every gay person I know, whether from high school, college, or life....had a boyfriend fast after coming out.
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You don't know enough gay people. A lot of guys may have a bf, but they are often transient affairs. Better to have a wide circle of good friends and some good fuck buddies.

Your youth was made to be mis-spent. Now get to it.

I also have a feeling that you might want to evaluate your behaviour with guys. If you are coming off as needy and desperate for an attachment you'll scare off a whole lot of guys who just want an easy fun friendship.
 
amazoncom said:
Every gay person I know, whether from high school, college, or life....had a boyfriend fast after coming out.
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I had my first bf for 2.5 years before I "came out" publicly, and that was only after we had broken up. I was single for almost 3 years before I met another bf, and for one and a half of those years I was working in a busy gay club!

Not everyone who "comes out" immediately has a bf.

Your guy will come along when you don't expect it, you are luckier than some, you have support of your family and friends, many guys that come out don't.
 
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