The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

When is hte right time

WIZZARD101

WIZZARD101

JUB Addict
Joined
Nov 29, 2005
Posts
1,662
Reaction score
47
Points
0
Location
DFW
long story that i wont go into right now, but i have two boys one 28 and one almost 12. i am still married to their mother and know i am gay and have talked to the older one , but was wondering if you guys have any advise on when i should talk to the younger one. he is just hitting puberty now, and i am wondering if it would be a bad time now, because of him dealing with his own stuff. what are your thoughts?
 
Your stuff is part of his stuff.

I assume that your wife knows you're gay as well.

As a teenager, his attitude toward his parents is likely going to be horrible anyway, so you telling him won't add that much more grief.

Just make it a positive and affirming discussion about being gay and the complexities of emotional and sexual feelings.
 
No kids, no wife, no way to understand the complexity of that situation. The only thing I can say is that in my own life I find that telling people sooner rather than later saves time and problems.
 
I guess it depends. Are you doing anything about the "being gay" bit? Are you dating, seeing guys on the side, got a boyfriend, anything like that? If so, then sure - it makes sense to let him know what's going on at some point. If not, then I don't see the point, really. Not now, anyway.

Lex
 
What an uncomfortable conversation for both parties involved. Kids and parents just generally don't like to talk about sexual things with one another. It's easier to simply avoid such a conversation. There never really is a "right" time for a conversation like this.

However, if I were 12 years old and my father were gay, then I think I would like to know about it. Probably not in great detail, but I would at least like to be aware of the fact. Otherwise, I would probably feel deceived later or I would figure it out on my own and would wonder if my father was ashamed of himself for not openly admitting it.
 
I think 12 is a little LATE personally. I think you should let him know ASAP. Just pull him aside man to man and let him know in a semi-formal conversation. Don't word it in a way that's a big deal and don't work your way up to letting the words out. No 12 year old should be exposed to a gay father thinking it is the "end of the world", which they may think if you word it the wrong way. Sooner, rather than later is always better...just from personal experience and how I felt!
 
I told my daughter when she was 10. However, I wasn't in a live-in relationship with her mother by then, who is my ex-wife. I was divorced and living alone except when my daughter was with me, which was alot, BTW. At 10, my daughter handled it exceptionally well, either that or I was really expecting an unreasonably harsh and negative reaction. She cried a bit that afternoon, but by the evening she was joking with me about it, and since then has been very positive to me and very supportive of all gays in general. Will not abide homophobia from anyone.

I'm going to assume that you and mom are together because of commitment to the family at this point, and I'm sure also mutual affection, friendship and shared experience. At some point, he will probably want to hash over all that to get to understanding why a gay man is in a straight marriage, and as long as your willing to be open and honest, and continue talking whenever he has questions, I don't think 12 is too young.

BTW, I don't really feel that the "I'm gay!" talk is a sex talk. And I hope that at 12 you have already had the sex talk with your little boy. Because you don't want him learning about the birds and the bees from some nasty, man-hungry schoolgirl!
 
I would tell him as soon as possible if I was you. 12 is a very tender age, practically a hit or miss kind of age. Tell him before he gets bombarded with bad information like being gay is wrong, stuff like that. Raise him up to be a smart and independent person.
 
i think the marriage shouldn't probably be addressed first. then the kids. good luck, a tough situation indeed.
 
I can't really comment without knowing exactly what "married" means in this context. Do you and your wife still live together and act like a couple? Do you have lovers outside the relationship? What do you want to come from telling your son that you're gay?
 
The right time very probably depends on your son's personality, maturity and how he's going to take it. It's something you have to work out with the help of your wife and the elder. I just can't tell you how and when you should tell him, but you can still start giving him clues that you're gay...

I hope you it goes well whenever you tell him. Good luck.
 
I think 12 is an odd age for something like that. It would have been better a little earlier or a little later. I think younger kids are more accepting of something like that. They don't already associate the bad views of homosexuality because most of the time they are not exposed to that yet. But at 12, most kids have started the teasing about such things. So it may be quite embarrassing for them.
 
There's never a right or wrong time. Only when you're ready. It's easier if the child is in an environment where he's exposed to diversity and being yourself is acceptable.
 
thanks for all the input guys, i guess i should tell a few more details. my wife and i are still together as a couple, but obviously not sexually.in fact that parrt has been long gone. and yes she knows and has for years, but recently it has become obvious to me that i am not going to try and fight it anymore.

he has been raised to know that there is nothing wrong with being gay and he and our family are good friends with with a family up the street that has two kinds and two moms.i have had the "birds and bees" talk with him. he seems to be very comfortable with talking about sexual things with me as he just told me he started to get his first pubic hairs and was very proud to tel me.
 
WIZZARD101 said:
thanks for all the input guys, i guess i should tell a few more details. my wife and i are still together as a couple, but obviously not sexually.in fact that parrt has been long gone. and yes she knows and has for years, but recently it has become obvious to me that i am not going to try and fight it anymore.
Click to expand...

That's an important detail.

You and your wife need to make this decision together. It not only changes the way that you son will view you, it will make a difference in the way that he views the relationship between his parents.
 
WIZZARD101 said:
thanks for all the input guys, i guess i should tell a few more details. my wife and i are still together as a couple, but obviously not sexually.in fact that parrt has been long gone. and yes she knows and has for years, but recently it has become obvious to me that i am not going to try and fight it anymore.

he has been raised to know that there is nothing wrong with being gay and he and our family are good friends with with a family up the street that has two kinds and two moms.i have had the "birds and bees" talk with him. he seems to be very comfortable with talking about sexual things with me as he just told me he started to get his first pubic hairs and was very proud to tel me.
Click to expand...

Well, he is expecting he can have a normal father-son conversation with you about sexuality, so you raised him right so far. It is good that he can bring up topics related to his sexual health without shame. That takes honesty and open communication, and this blows my mind but it is still relatively rare.

At this point in his life, he probably assumes he is straight, and he probably is. The difficulty would be if he assumes you are straight too. Without him knowing, it will change every conversation you have with him in subtle ways. From what he thinks of your perspective, to what he is willing to mention. At this point though, he is probably going to automatically relate everything he hears about sexuality to his own experience as he develops. Every idea he hears about sexuality from everyone will go into his head and immediately he will think "What does this mean to me?"

So you can expect questions, lots of questions. Some times he may not know how to put a question into words yet, so you can also can expect some issues to annoy him or worry him until he figures out what he even wants to ask. This will be true for any question, not just having a gay parent.

I don't know if timing is the problem so much as what you actually say to him. Have you thought about that? Honesty still has to be the only policy. This is something you should probably consult your wife and oldest son on. Ask your oldest how it was for him to find out. Ask for advice on telling the youngest.

BTW, when you say you're "not going to fight it any more" what does your wife think about that issue?
 
.


I think the best advice would come from your 28 year old.
He has been there and probably knows more about what the 12 year old knows then you do.
I know I would have loved to hear some positive experiences of homosexuality from my family, especially my Father.

(group)​
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top