When you are feeling stupid,read this.

[Rodgerforever]

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .
``````````````````````````````````

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
````````````

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .
`````````````````````````````````````````````````

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward .
`````````````````````````````````````````````

"Outside of the killings, Washingtonhas one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
`````````````````````````````

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.
````````````````````````````

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
``````````````````````````````````

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

And

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore, VP
```````````````````

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-- Dan Quayle
``````````

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?"
--Lee Iacocca

```````````

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
````````````````````````````````````````````

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instru ctor .
`````````````````````````````````

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President
````````````````

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
````````````````

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
````````````````````````````````````````````

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Feeling smarter yet?

 

[Christopher123]

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

Awwwww man, that's just... wrong.

Gads.

 

[irish1]

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .
``````````````````````````````````

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
````````````

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .
`````````````````````````````````````````````````

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward .
`````````````````````````````````````````````

"Outside of the killings, Washingtonhas one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
`````````````````````````````

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.
````````````````````````````

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
``````````````````````````````````

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

And

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore, VP
```````````````````

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-- Dan Quayle
``````````

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?"
--Lee Iacocca

```````````

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
````````````````````````````````````````````

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instru ctor .
`````````````````````````````````

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President
````````````````

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
````````````````

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
````````````````````````````````````````````

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Feeling smarter yet?

YES, I FEEL SMARTER!!!!

If only it would last.......

Thanks for a really enjoyable thread. May you live a lifetime.

 

[buzzj]

^^^Yeah! I feel (momentarily) more intelligent, myself! ^^^

 

[star-warrior]

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
````````````

She needs a good slapping.

 

[slobone]

You left out the King :

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
--George Bush

 

[Soilwork]

I hate to burst your bubble, and I hate Mariah Carey too, but she didnt' say that.

that was taken from a parody piece on The Onion (or something like that), and repeated as fact by people who didn't get the joke.

OH, and the "if we cont'succeed we run the risk of failure" I think was Dan Quayle, not Bill Clinton.


At least you didn't repeat the biggest urban legend of all that Al Gore claimed to invent the Internet. (he didn't say that at all)

 

[Leidian]

I do feel smarter!

My favorites were Mariah and Hillary. They weren't necessarily the dumbest (especially Hillary), but they are so true to form for them to say those things.

 

[Leidian]

I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.

 

[evilest]

I hate to burst your bubble, and I hate Mariah Carey too, but she didnt' say that.

that was taken from a parody piece on The Onion (or something like that), and repeated as fact by people who didn't get the joke.


It's also a joke used in 'white Chicks'...

 

[Smitho]

Good thread, thanks for the laugh

 

[rotary]

At least you didn't repeat the biggest urban legend of all that Al Gore claimed to invent the Internet. (he didn't say that at all)

Well, he did say "[FONT=Trebuchet MS,Bookman Old Style,Arial]I took the initiative in creating the Internet", though it is out of context.[/FONT]