When you just "know"

[jockboy01]

So, gaydar as we know is a learned skill that gets developed with lots of observation... but has enybody ever had a "I just knew" type of experience, or somebody did with you? B/c I think I have.....

So there is this guy that works at the same place I do. The first time I saw him, I thought he was cute whatever. Eye candy is always good. So I go off to do some work. Well, he comes up and just introduces himself and starts talking to me. Totally random. I'm not flaming and he's not either, but I just kind of "knew" and I'm pretty sure he did too. It was very surreal.

Anyway, he wasn't around for a while so I thought maybe just coincidence or something or I was reading way too far into it. But then yesterday, I saw him in the cafeteria. He's walking past and says hey (he remembers my name and I feel like an ass for not remembering his... but I'm HORRIBLE with names esp when I meet somebody once and don't see them for weeks) and we start talking again. He's very chill and nice and it's obvious that neither of us want to end the conversation, but it has to at some point and so it does. And then later as he leaves, he specifically looks in my direction and waves... and well, I've seen him leaving so I wave back. I mean, it has to be obvious to each of us that the other is gay and we like each other.

I've never had this "just knowing" experience. Has anybody else? And no, gay bars or being in WeHo or some high concentration of gays doesn't count... I mean just random in smaller town america. Kind of fun actually.

And I'm sure the question will come up about dating this guy, so I'll just preempt that one and say I don't know. My typical policy is "don't eat and shit in the same place". But time will tell.

 

[cbtfan]

"I just knew" ...sounds like gaydar to me...

 

[jockboy01]

I don't know.... gaydar to me is more of a watching a person for at least a bit and figuring it out. This was more like instantaneous. Which by some people they think that's what gaydar is, but I've realized it is more noticing things about a person. Never believed you could tell instantly (unless he's wearing high heels or something).

 

[cbtfan]

It is the eyes that give it away..... believe me.
I can spot a gay person as I walk down the street... look them in the eyes.

 

[jjc_7]

^I'd have to agree.

There has been this guy that I've seen a few times on the bus (who I found out is on the varsity soccer team), and the first time I looked at him I just knew. His eyes told me everything. Of course I don't actually know if he is, as I'm too much of a chicken shit to even say hi to the guy...I mean I've seen him in the locker room a few times, what would happen if he isn't gay then he goes and tells all his jock friends about me? I dunno, that would just create more trouble than I want. oops, went a little off topic there.

But yeah, I'm still pretty sure he plays for my team

 

[Riverrick]

Ooooh! That's sweet! Now I'm excited.

Yes, I've had that experience. More than once. It can happen really quickly. You just look at each other and both realize it at the same time.

What makes a difference, though, is when both parties act as if its now a known fact. That"s the surreal part; to be talking in a cryptic manner but knowing what each other means. And also to be out suddenly but without it mattering. In a place where you really aren't out.

That felt good, didn't it? You suddenly were out for a little bit at work and connected with someone. What a surprise, huh?

As for eating and shitting, why don't you just wait and see what happens. It wouldn't hurt to go out to dinner or a movie or for coffee. Or to just flirt for a while at work. I'm sure you could use the pick-me-up during your day.

Good luck Jockboy! I'm intrigued.

 

[kbbhnh123]

Gezz act like your have a pair and ask him out. What's with all the drama crap? Were gay not haddicapped.

 

[confusedboy23]

What a lucky boy you are Jockboy I'm sure work would be all the more exciting with him around now and as Riverrick has said, I'm sure he would be a great pick-me-up during the day. I'd bet he would do more wonders than that regular cup of coffee!

Go ask him out for coffee, lunch or whatever. Just make sure you keep us all posted here!

Like you, I might be able to tell if they're wearing high heels or act a certain way but then again, that's just stereotyping, ain't it?!

Nope - I've never been as lucky as you to have a both way "I just knew it" experience!!!

 

[3nipples]

Your gaydar works mostly subliminally, as you're starting to discover, even if you can't quite believe it yet

Forget the "paint by number" rules... you're a smart guy and can decide for yourself if you want to persue a possible relationship or friendship with someone at work who is also gay.

Of course, I'm hoping you will persue it

 

[jockboy01]

Gezz act like your have a pair and ask him out. What's with all the drama crap?

woah there cowboy... I just met the guy. Twice over about four weeks I've seen him. No drama, but haven't really gotten to know him for more than a total of about five minutes. I don't ask every guy who's gay out you know.

But you're right, it does make work more exciting to know that he's around and I might bump into him at some point. Although right now for the most part we work in different buildings and so the chances aren't great. And our schedules don't really match up for regular interaction for the next couple of months at least. But at some point when I grab a minute, I might go on a search to see if he is around. Kind of tough though b/c he only works about three days a week. Whatever.

And jjc_7, you have to at least talk to this guy. You can totally make up some reason to go say hello or something and shoot the shit. Then you can figure things out from there. But it starts with some sort of breaking of the ice. The rest will be easier.

 

[halubtsi]

No, I can't say that I've ever had an experience like yours. My gaydar works, and is much better than it was a year ago. I've stopped denying that guys are gay...if I suspect the guy's gay, I won't consider him straight until he proves otherwise. Now, if I think he's gay, he's gay until he proves otherwise.

And as for mixing business and pleasure...you don't see this guy everyday. You said weeks passed before you saw him at work again. I wouldn't close the door to the possibility, if I were you. I'm in a somewhat similar situation currently, but I haven't seen this guy since March. Though I don't know if he's gay or straight, I remain open to the possibilities.

JJC, seriously go and say something to him. If it's too much for you to converse, then just say "hey!" the next time you see him. And do it consistently. Eventually, you'll be able to small talk with him.

 

[Roland00]

Ask him out for coffee, that isn't a date per say in my book, it is just a discovering experience, he can be friendship or boyfriend material

 

[bedbugy]

offer to lend him a dvd that you like knowing it has gay motives then talk about it say you might like this let me know what you think it's a step soon you will be walking

 

[Nonimus]

It is the eyes that give it away..... believe me.
I can spot a gay person as I walk down the street... look them in the eyes.

^^^ That's Gaydar.

 

[jockboy01]

no, I don't need to lend him a dvd... we both know we're gay. We've never said it, but we know... I'm sure of it. He sure is hard to track down though.... I've tried to find him the last two days with no success. I'll try again tomorrow but don't know if he works weekends too.

As to the eyes, I think that is part of it for sure. But I don't think that is all of it.

 

[confusedboy23]

As to the eyes, I think that is part of it for sure. But I don't think that is all of it.

Hmmm....I might need some gaydar tuition from you! So, what is it with the eyes that tell someone is gay?

Anyway, I hope you've had luck tracking him down.

 

[Lube]

Actually, Jockboy, it could be his gaydar that picked you out at first; then, because he was so at ease with you (because he already knew you were gay), you then figured he was gay because of how at ease he was with you.

 

[chance1]

Couple of thoughts - cause there have been so many good responses with follow ups and different angles

I agree with the "eye" thing. Not gonna pretend I'm good at the gaydar thing cause to me that means that someone acts very str8 and everyone else thinks they're str8 but you - cause you have "gaydar". Would LOVE to have gaydar - and looking to acquire it. I think the eye thing - as in you and another make eye contact and it lasts a bit and there's a smile perhaps. But that's kinda "hit u over the head" gaydar as in duh?

Love Halubtsi riff about "won't consider him str8 until he proves otherwise" - good stuff - turning the tables - good to be gay comment. Thanks

Rolando - the coffee thing is always good. You can have a coffee with anyone - no strings attached - where you can "learn" more

Jockboy - I am betting that we hear lots more about your new friend. That's not my gaydar in action, that's my Jockdar working. You usually seem to have a good handle on things. Good luck and share what you want - always a good read.

 

[jockboy01]

Possible Lube, I've thought of that. But still, then how did he know? Although I might have an answer to that one. But still, very bold of him to come up and talk to me randomly... if you're not in my line of work, it wouldn't make sense.

And confusedboy, I don't know what it is in the eyes. But I've always thought the eyes were the windows to the soul and can normally pick up a lot about a person's character just from the eyes. Maybe gayness is there too?

LOL at chance1. I haven't been able to find the guy for the last few days... despite an occasional active search. Maybe this week will be better with it.