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Where do I even start...?

spartaneric

spartaneric

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Well congratulations on your coming out to your friend, that's a positive first step. It sounds like you're ready to move forward but I think you should be cautious at first and not just jump into things...start by telling your close friends. As to waiting until you're in college, that's something you gotta weigh the pros and cons of; what's the worst that could happen if you come out to your parents while still living at home?

Good luck
 
Congratulations on coming out! As others have said, the first one is always the hardest.

At this point, I would say it's best to come out to trusted friends and build a base of support. As far as telling your parents, there are pros and cons to waiting until you are in college. If you wait until you go to college, they may think people there corrupted you. You will also need to hide your sexuality and any relationships when around them. The pros of waiting including: 1) you will have some space between you and your parents; 2) If you fear they could throw you out, you are better to finish high school before letting them know; 3) You will have built a better base of support among your friends and be comfortable in your skin; 4) typically parents start to realize that their kids are not under their control after they have been living away from home for a while. They may view you as being more mature and more capable to make your own decisions.

Keep another thing in mind. As you start telling people that you are gay, things have a way of getting around. If word spreads at school, somebody may take it upon themselves to inform your parents. If you don't tell them now, you should be mentally prepared for how to handle the situation if they find out.

For what it's worth, I think if I were in your situation I would wait until college to let your parents know. Of course that's based on the limited information in this post and somewhat influenced by the fact that you already seem to be leaning in that direction.

As far as having a bf, you should definitely pursue that. While not easy or ideal, you can have a bf without your parents knowing that he is more than a friend.

I think you will be fine. You already seem to have a good handle on things and I'm sure it will all work out. Good luck.
 
There's an old thread in this forum where a member (Volcom1206, maybe?) was in a similar situation as you.

Our advice at that time was that your physical and financial safety are more important than anything else.

Since you are still in high school and you will most likely be dependent upon your parents for financial support, you should not come out to them if you are not sure whether they would continue their financial support so that you can complete college. Your future is too important.

High school can be a really sucky place for gay people. College is often the first time that gay men and lesbians "exhale". You will find it that way, so hang on for another 4-5 months.

Welcome to JUB.
 
I had a similar situation. I came out to my mother and step-father the beginning of my senior year of high school. They really are exceptionally progressive people, so I knew that there would be no problems. In fact, my mom has always said "I don't care who you bring home - it can be a guy or girl - you just better tell me so I can cook enough for another person at dinner." :)

I had come out to a few choice close friends, but other than that, I was still in the closet.

I finally graduated and came to college - and decided that it was time.

I drove home to come out to my father and grandparents, who did not know (and apparently had no idea).

It wasn't as miserable as I thought it was going to be, but my father wasn't exactly accepting.

Regardless of how ready I was, it was still hard to come out. It always will be.

From my personal experiences, I would recommend suffering these next few months until you can graduate high school and move to college - that's what I did, and it worked wonders. I totally agree with KaraBulut with the "exhale" thing. It's so true.

College allows you to meet people who are accepting of you. Sure, there are those who aren't, but there are so many people at universities that if someone is an asshole, you can just ignore them and find someone new.

Just stay strong and be safe.
 
KaraBulut said:
There's an old thread in this forum where a member (Volcom1206, maybe?) was in a similar situation as you.

Our advice at that time was that your physical and financial safety are more important than anything else.

Since you are still in high school and you will most likely be dependent upon your parents for financial support, you should not come out to them if you are not sure whether they would continue their financial support so that you can complete college. Your future is too important.

High school can be a really sucky place for gay people. College is often the first time that gay men and lesbians "exhale". You will find it that way, so hang on for another 4-5 months.

Welcome to JUB.
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I would agree with this. I did not have this situation (my parents weren't happy but do to a divorce and weird other things at the time they couldn't direct their aggression at me and I had guilt on my side) but I do have a friend who came out - even after going to college - to his parents and they stopped paying for college until he transferred to a christian university were he could be converted. Didn't work and they've warmed up to it but that amounts to alot of shit to have to go through that you could avoid.

Financial security is a must. (though I didn't have to worry my parents weren't paying for my college anyway)
 
On a side not while I "exhaled" early most do find college to be the great liberator so take it as such.
 
If I was in your situation I may wait until I finished college to come outto your parents since they will be paying your way through.
 
I'm under the impression that your parents will always love you, but they don't necessarily have to LIKE you. But that doesn't matter does it? If you like yourself, then you are on a smooth road.
 
Man this is another reason I detest faith based thinking. Anyway you got good advice and just try to remain positive hopefully everything works out for you.
 
I just turned 18 about 2 weeks ago and am still in HS (I made up a fake b-day on my profile so I am not 21 or whatever I said on it).
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Happy Birthday

M4P
JUB Moderator
 
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