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Where do I meet gay guys?

Lex,
It's great that you had friends that said "Wow, that sucks." Because you got turned down, and not because of who you were trying to hook up with. If I said that to my friends it would be "Wow, that sucks." because I was gay. Unfortunately, many of us come from much less liberal backgrounds than you.

In the religion to which I and my family belong, as well as most of my friends, it is okay to have gay thoughts, but not to act on them. If you act on them, the penalty is excommunication. Then the family is told that "well your son will not be able to be with you in the hereafter, because he will be in hell." Unless of course, he chooses to repent and not be gay any longer. Then he may come back. The actual official position of my church for its gay members is that they should remain completely celibate for their entire life. Doesn't it just make you want to cry, and isn't it any wonder why gays have higher suicide rates. I would tell them to fuck off, were it not for my family. Even at that I can see that at some point I will leave, it is inevitable now. What we need is some kind of support group for those transitioning.
 
Achilleus said:
In the religion to which I and my family belong, as well as most of my friends, it is okay to have gay thoughts, but not to act on them. If you act on them, the penalty is excommunication. Then the family is told that "well your son will not be able to be with you in the hereafter, because he will be in hell." Unless of course, he chooses to repent and not be gay any longer. Then he may come back. The actual official position of my church for its gay members is that they should remain completely celibate for their entire life. Doesn't it just make you want to cry, and isn't it any wonder why gays have higher suicide rates. I would tell them to fuck off, were it not for my family. Even at that I can see that at some point I will leave, it is inevitable now. What we need is some kind of support group for those transitioning.
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This has been my problem for 45 years. I finally decided that I cannot believe that God has PURPOSELY made me to automatically go to hell. So it cannot be this way.

That's when I accepted MYSELF and came out. Besides, if I DO go to hell, I'll be in great company judging by this website. :wave:

Anyway.... in the end my friends and family DID accept me for who I am. No one minds that I do not cling to religion.

Well, that was a tangent, but what the heck.



Lex,

Oh, yes.... I am looking for some clubs in LA as I want to get back into sport.
Really looking for a surfing buddy, though... Well, we'll see.


Wish me luck!
 
Well, I'm not into the Club or Bar scene. I'd go WITH someone, but not to look FOR someone in those venues. I don't drink, so no interest. Plus, not looking for "hookups".

Honestly, I'm kind of scared of doing things with people I don't know for a while.
 
Audio Tech,

I agree with you 100% if God exists he cannot possibly be this monster tyrant the religious fundamentalists believe him to be.

I guess one of the fears I have in meeting people, is in having nothing to go on. There are so many threads on here of bad dating experiences it makes a newbie like me frightened. It would be nice if the first experience were not an absolute nightmare. So where do you find the good guys?
 
My favorite place to cruise is the Coffebean :P Its loaded with mature men who are attractive and well...mature :P
 
Achilleus said:
I guess one of the fears I have in meeting people, is in having nothing to go on. There are so many threads on here of bad dating experiences it makes a newbie like me frightened. It would be nice if the first experience were not an absolute nightmare. So where do you find the good guys?
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Well, that's why we say to meet people in the activities you normally do--then you'll have something interesting to talk about and you'll both be able to keep up the conversation. And there won't be this huge pressure for sex, since you'll have other stuff to keep you busy (doing or just talking about doing).

That's why the gym or a sport or a hobby is a better place to find a friend/date. If you go cruising at a bar or bathhouse, well, you're gonna find a hookup and that's about it.

I have a blog post about finding a guy. Read it and it might help you.
 
Achilleus said:
Lex,
It's great that you had friends that said "Wow, that sucks." Because you got turned down, and not because of who you were trying to hook up with. If I said that to my friends it would be "Wow, that sucks." because I was gay. Unfortunately, many of us come from much less liberal backgrounds than you.
Click to expand...
I think Lex's advice was wonderful, but there is one additional little thing that doesn't apply to him, and you've kind of pointed it out indirectly.

If you've lived a lie for many years like I have (married to a woman), or if, like you, you feel that your desires have suddenly changed in your 30's, then you have, well, a "history".

And to those people who you knew you as you went through this earlier "straight" period, you can't really just suddenly talk about your dates being guys. I mean, you could, but I can see why these friends/family would be jolted by it.

Lex's advice still applies, but in your (and my) case, it's mainly for new people you meet. New friends, new coworkers, and new family & in-laws.

So what do you do with the people who know you when you were straight? Well, these people you do have to come out to by point-blank saying, "I'm gay".

But that's it. You don't need a party. There will be no fireworks going off. Just find a quiet time & place to say it, and just say it and move on. Don't feel like you have to explain it; don't feel like you have to tell them what position you like or when it started or anything like that. (Do they tell you what they do in bed? Of course not.)

Just state it like it's the new reality (it is!) and they have to accept it. Don't look for acceptance. <---- That's a very important point. And it's the reason why we recommend waiting to come out until you're comfortable (or fairly comfortable with yourself).

It's your life and you live it by your rules, not theirs. State it as undebatable fact.

For me and many others, coming out also means you have to accept the fact that you may lose some or all family or friends. You might not lose anyone, but you have to prepare yourself for the fact that you might.
 
G-Lexington said:
The unspoken question in "where can I meet gay guys", when asked by closeted and uncomfortable gay men, is "is there a place I can go where nobody will figure out that I'm gay except that one very-straight-acting gay guy who will surrepetitiously approach me so as not to alert anybody else in the place and arrange for a date at some more secluded non-public place?" And, y'know, good luck with that. :)

Lex
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Or some people aren't by nature social enough and can't chat up others, unless they want to be fake.
 
>>>Or some people aren't by nature social enough and can't chat up others, unless they want to be fake.

In which case, there IS no place you can meet gay people. Or people in general. You're going to be stuck waiting for people to come meet you. Which may happen from time to time, but certainly won't be on YOUR schedule.

And yes, it's fake. And I'm still not good at it. I still feel a bit like an actor each time I strike up a conversation with a stranger. My words sound phony in my ears, and I always think I sound presumptuous. But it's pretty much the only way. We seem intent on building up walls and wearing masks in public, presumably to protect our egos and quivering underbellies. But given that, we can't expect others to not do the same. And since the masks and armor are pretty much a given, we're stuck doing the social dances and playing the social games in order to get to know people. And I've found people do respond. No, they don't instantly drop their masks and open themselves up, but they do respond. And we can move forward from there.

Lex
 
It is why sex is such a great ice-breaker.
 
Online, if you're in the closet. I also met 2 gay guys playing video games, but I'm not out to them, and I don't intend to. I think being in the closet and especially not being a fan of clubs and bars highly cripples your ability to meet gay guys.
 
>>>"Hi! My name is Beau, may I put my penis in your mouth?"

I've known people who use those precise words (well, not "Beau") to introduce themselves to guys. And you'd be surprised how often the answer is "Sure - you wanna hit the back room?"

Lex
 
Lex, I just wanted to say for everyone to witness, I am intellectually in love with you. You are just so... helpful, and I love it. This New Year I made a resolution to come out, and even before you mentioned it I decided not to make a big announcement, but rather, just let people SEE me flirt with a guy, and don't hide who I am when questioned repeatedly anymore. And now that I see you give the same advice, I am even more confident.

So here is to you, Lex

(UU) (*8*)
 
Pass the beer off to Lube, who no doubt can find a better use for it than me. (And deserves it more to boot.) But thank you. :) And you don't have to "let people see you flirting", even. Just act like they already know. Feel free to say things like "I've been looking for a boyfriend, but haven't been having much luck yet".

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
Pass the beer off to Lube, who no doubt can find a better use for it than me. (And deserves it more to boot.) But thank you. :) And you don't have to "let people see you flirting", even. Just act like they already know. Feel free to say things like "I've been looking for a boyfriend, but haven't been having much luck yet".

Lex
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Sure, as long as it's a dark beer. * ..|

CumAlong: Lex is a keeper. I've learned a lot from him, even if we don't always agree 100%.




*--We'll have to get Lex chocolate or something.
 
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