Where to start

[curiousel]

I know there are a couple areas I could stand to work on myself. Haven't been in a relationship since April and that lasted for about 8 months. I decided to end it because I wasn't feeling the passion. I suppose it also didn't help since we were tops. Even though we are still friends.

Let's see, where do I begin...

Started dating men when I was 20. Prior to that I had never gone on a date with a woman. I'm mainly attracted to average or slim white or latin guys. I seem to have a track record of picking people who aren't my type or are geographically distant from me.

Met a few guys along the way were mainly into the physical which was fine at the time. However in the end I want both a mind / body connection. I could never be in a relationship with someone I felt was dishonest.

1. French Canadian guy from Vancouver. Been talking with each other since 2003. We're still friends and see each other from time to time. But a few times each year hardly qualifies as a relationship.
2. Black guy from LI. Lives about 15 minutes away. He's like 6'2 280 pounds. I enjoyed out conversation, but in the end I wanted someone closer to my size. In some ways when I was with him, it felt like I was doing stuff with a family member which felt awkward.
3. Indian guy from Queens. He was very easy to talk to. However not so well endowed, talking the size of my pinky finger. He had a hard time growing up, he and his mom left their abusive father several years ago. When his mom was gone I went to the apartment they rented to hang out. Immediately I saw roaches from the ceiling and walls all start to run away. Kinda freaked me out. Between that and the place smelling a little bit like urine. I thought I could overcome my lack of physical attraction to him by his personality. I dreaded the hour long drives each way. Only lasted two dates. This was about a week ago.
4. Spanish guys. Met a few, really nice but they spoke almost no English. One was a total hottie, but moved to the Seattle area. The other is fairly close, but I don't think he understood my basic sentences.

I'm not yet in a comfortable enough financial situation to afford a place of my own. My MBA will eventually pay for itself, but right now my take home pay is only about 500/week. Perhaps some see me as a loser in that respect, but I'm trying to pay off student loans, car loan and what not..

I'm on manhunt, okcupid, adam4adam, plentyoffish and so far no luck. Either guys old enough to be my father, grossly overweight or looking for a guy able to host. I'm sure someone will be brutally honest with me and probably for the better.

I may need to focus on myself first before being able to commit to someone else. At the same time it may take a few years before things fall into place and I want at least some companionship.

 

[swerve]

I think that you are doing EVERYTHING RIGHT!!!

It all sounded VERY reasonable and normal to me...

The MORE guys you date -- the MORE you learn about YOURSELF...

You are keeping yourself out there -- and at SOME POINT -- you'll find the PERFECT GUY!!!

I really have NO ADVICE because it doesn't sound like you need any...

HAVE FUN and BEST OF LUCK!!!

 

[Lube]

You're not going to find a guy on a web site. They're great for hookups.

Long Island? My god, there are bazillions of people there. Surely there are gay interest groups. Movie groups, sports groups, book groups, cooking groups--whatever.

You'll have a much better chance meeting a guy if you meet in person at an event you both have an interest in.

Don't be so down on yourself. You sound like you're doing a lot of things right.

 

[curiousel]

You're not going to find a guy on a web site. They're great for hookups.

Long Island? My god, there are bazillions of people there. Surely there are gay interest groups. Movie groups, sports groups, book groups, cooking groups--whatever.

You'll have a much better chance meeting a guy if you meet in person at an event you both have an interest in.

Don't be so down on yourself. You sound like you're doing a lot of things right.

Long Island has a relatively high population, but when you break down the demographics of that population, you'll find that the majority of people are around a median age of 50. many of the younger people have moved elsewhere in search of new opportunities. When you look at the cost of living, proportional to the average salaries, this is not that unusual.

For s&g, I plugged in my annual pay into Money Magazine's cost of living calculator (which I can't link to due to my lack of posts). 35k here is comparable to making 22k in austin texas, $52k in nyc and $25k in las vegas. That's a huge difference in my opinion. Not that it matters so much I'm on a bit of a rant.

All the people I've dated in one form or another have been found through the Internet. None of them have been through gay interest groups. In fact, I didn't know they existed. Now is as good a time as any to mention that I haven't really been comfortable with the whole gay scene per say. I went to a dance in the city, with the Indian guy I met a few weeks ago and felt extremely out of place. Perhaps it had something to do with having my laptop and a coat on. Or not really knowing what to expect in advance. I thought I was just going to pick him up and leave. I feel a bit out of place in certain social functions. My job involves communicating with the public on a frequent basis. It is far easier to keep a level of professionalism than to open up yourself to a complete stranger, or at least I have found.

I've never been to a gay bar or a club. For the most part, I consider myself to be somewhat of a loner. I rarely have friends come over to visit, and I don't have any siblings. However after some time, it takes its toll. I still communicate with various exes for that very reason. Some companionship, is better than no companionship, even if we aren't 'in love'.

Most of my general friends fall into one of these categories:

1. People I have either worked with in the past, or have gone to school with.
2. People who share common interests as myself, but generally tend not to live geographically close.

I don't think I'm necessarily being down on myself rather than trying to look at the overall picture and work on the areas that are in distress.

 

[curiousel]

Dude you sound miserably lonely. Could it be that you are simply seeking someone to meet that will make you feel good about yourself? I honestly don't think they are the problem, I think you are the problem. You don't seem to like yourself or your life very much. No amount of outside stimulus will make you like you life, ie.... "the right job", meeting "someone special", living in a "vibrant city", etc. Happiness and contentment come from inside of yourself. Far too often people mistake being lonely with the need to go find someone else just to be around to help them forget momentarily how miserable they are. When you are unhappy with your life there's a tendency to go find distractions so you are not reminded all the time that you don't like your life, instead of getting to the root of the problem, and fixing why you aren't happy with your life. Or why you don't like/love yourself.

Let me ask you this; if you can't stand hanging out with yourself all alone, how long do you think others will want to? It sounds like you have some emotional and mental homework to do on yourself to make some positive changes in your life.

Good luck!!!

I suppose there are some elements of loneliness. It is present, but it does not dominate my total state of being. Am I seeking someone who will make me feel good about myself? That is a very good question. I would be lying if I said the answer was no. Overall, I am not happy with the current state of affairs in my life. I would not use the word depression, but perhaps a bit off the path is a more accurate assessment.

I am fairly capable of performing my job to a reasonable expectation. However, the people I work with generally are not happy with where they are. After working with them for close to half the year, I must say that it is beginning to get to me. I know for a fact that two of them are on anti-depressants. I sort of feel like the only way to keep my thoughts in harmony with a sense of purpose is to enact an invisible force field around myself that deflects their negativity. At my core I am a nice person. In my job I am constantly told that I am too nice to people. I see no reason to get angry when my level of dedication to the job as a whole is questionable.

There is also some element of bitterness, I would say being that I have gone to college for six years and my job really could have been done without any of the three degrees. One could also view it as a triggering signal to show I need to start heading in a different direction.

Right when I started college 9/11 happened and now that I've finished we're going through the worst economic downturn since the great depression. These are facts, but in lieu of obstacles actions must be taken.

Even though I may not be as optimistic or as excited about certain elements of my daily life, every day that I walk I am happy. Humanity, God, or whatever you wish to call it has come together to create the experience each of us are living today, called life. I have not forgotten that and I'm grateful for what I have now.

Lastly and not least, I appreciate your response to my posting. You have shown much sincerity despite not knowing me personally. I value your time, experience and feedback.

 

[curiousel]

Today I started chatting with a guy I thought was 18, but had no picture posted. Then he told me he was 16. I'm 25. I immediately told him he was too young for me and made a reference to dateline nbc to catch a predator. Then I blocked him. Just too crazy. I'm not attracted to guys that young, nor am I interested in being convicted of a felony.

Then there two other guys who 'smiled' at me, one was 40 and another in his 50s, despite mentioning close to my age in my profile.. Oh well... On the other hand, there were two other guys who might have potential. Time will tell.

 

[Lube]

Well, now you've fleshed out your life experience a little more, so it's easier to see where you're coming from.

OK, so you're a loner. Notice I didn't say go to bars or clubs. I said interest groups. Surely you have some interests, whether it's cooking or sci-fi (there's a significant subgroup of the gay population into sci-fi/gaming, if you're into that).

A lot of gay guys are shy. Even really good looking guys can be shy. So find a common interest (not hard at a group that concentrates on that topic) and chat someone up. Don't put too much pressure on yourself--the first guy (or even the 3rd or 10th) won't be Mr. Right, but he might lead you to him.

Relax and have fun.

Being gay is much more than just the bar scene. I almost never go to bars myself.