which is more polite

[jdoe4822]

Encountered a situation last night, wanted advice should I ever encounter it again. When I meet a prospective bf online, after we've chatted a bit, I prefer to meet someplace real casual like a starbucks in a shopping plaza or something. My question is how to handle a situation where I know as soon as I see and talk to the guy that I won't be interested? Please no lectures on giving him a shot and being open minded. I have certain nonnegotiable preferences in dating and pictures posted and information in an online profile (or gathered through emails and texts) does not always show me them at first glance, but meeting in person can. Do I say something right away so that I'm not wasting his time? Do I have a polite but shortened conversation? I feel rude both saying "hi, sorry you drove over here but I'm not really interested anymore" but I also feel like I'm wasting his time allowing the conversation to go continue on for the next hour or two. I had the advantage last night of only running on 4.5 hours of sleep from the night before and we met after 10, so I know I was visibly dragging from that, and used that as a convenient excuse to end things after I finished my tea (which took around 30-40 minutes), but I won't always have that excuse in the future. Thanks for the advice.

 

[Seasoned]

I think you ought to tell any guy that you set a high bar and that you're not always interested once meeting someone. Why not try Facetime or Skype first?

 

[bankside]

There seems to be some confusion about meeting people.

Don't meet people with an agenda to have them be your boyfriend or not….just meet people. Some will make sense as friends. Some will quickly drift back to being strangers. Some might have potential for a relationship once you get to know them.

So whoever turned up, they made an effort to be there so spend an hour with them and have coffee. if there is no spark of attraction, or if the spark is not mutual, fine.

The world is filled with happy couples who turn each other on where at least one of them says "I still can't believe that dorky haircut you had when we first met. What were you thinking? I almost didn't go out with you a second time."

 

[jaysizzles]

I think if you are going to meet a potential new boyfriend at a place like Starbucks, it is only polite to stay, have a cup, and chat for the 30 minutes or so. End it with a 'you're a nice guy and it was a pleasure to meet you, but I don't think I'm really feeling us being together' (or something nicer.) Since you already corresponded online, you should know that there is some interest and some potential for conversation.

Or, perhaps set up the meet in a parking lot. Be blunt and tell the guy beforehand that your intent is to check each other out in person before deciding if you want to go for coffee, or whatever activity you have in mind. That approach will save you from feeling the need to be polite, but may also make the encounter have a rather seedy feel to it. I'd guess a few guys, likely the nice ones, would be turned off by that approach. It doesn't seem the proper way to meet a potential new bf...just a potential new bj.

 

[loveguys72]

There seems to be some confusion about meeting people.

Don't meet people with an agenda to have them be your boyfriend or not….just meet people. Some will make sense as friends. Some will quickly drift back to being strangers. Some might have potential for a relationship once you get to know them.

So whoever turned up, they made an effort to be there so spend an hour with them and have coffee. if there is no spark of attraction, or if the spark is not mutual, fine.

The world is filled with happy couples who turn each other on where at least one of them says "I still can't believe that dorky haircut you had when we first met. What were you thinking? I almost didn't go out with you a second time."

This. If you cared enough to meet the guy in person, and he took the effort to show up, it's only polite to stay for 30 minutes or so. At that point, if you're not feeling it, be honest and tell him so. Politely, of course. You might be surprised to find he feels the same way about you!

 

[Rolyo85]

There seems to be some confusion about meeting people.

Don't meet people with an agenda to have them be your boyfriend or not….just meet people. Some will make sense as friends. Some will quickly drift back to being strangers. Some might have potential for a relationship once you get to know them.

So whoever turned up, they made an effort to be there so spend an hour with them and have coffee. if there is no spark of attraction, or if the spark is not mutual, fine.

The world is filled with happy couples who turn each other on where at least one of them says "I still can't believe that dorky haircut you had when we first met. What were you thinking? I almost didn't go out with you a second time."

Pretty much this. The guys don't owe you anything and it's a matter of politeness to spend some time together. And I generally feel that having absolute requirements from people is setting yourself up for failure.

 

[HunterM]

Tell him you have diarrhea. It's a good excuse to get out of any situation...except jail of course.