Which is worse?

[initiallyyours]

Something I've wondered for a while. Before I came out, I knew no one. I thought that would change once I did but even after, still no one. My friends were all supportive, of course, but they couldn't relate to the experiences I was going through, and I found it hard and frustrating.

How about for you guys?

 

[jamie_01930]

that was a hard question but I went with being out and no gay friends. this will change. it may take you to visit gay bars. I say that b/c that is what I did after or while I was coming out/

in the states we have support groups which you must have also. you now have to search them out

good luck.....

 

[FlaMan]

Being out with no gay friends b/c thats how its been for me for many years now...We have done the bar trying to meet people but that just doesnt seem to work..Usually once they find out we are just seeking frieindship they move on..we have more straight than gay fiends and they ask us about the gay life and are very open minded..guess we are attracted to straights (usually couples)than gays..

 

[SonOfSlobone]

Being in the closet destroys your soul.

If you're out and you're not meeting other gay people -- could it be that maybe you don't really feel the need? So I wouldn't worry about it too much...

 

[Lightsage]

Where's the option for people that were closeted with out friends?

That's how I was. And I still have those gay friends now.

I'm not sure you can say that one is worse than the other really. While the situations might be the same or similar each person reacts internally or externally in a variety of ways.

Neither one is worse than the other. Sure they can be argued as such but it's a matter of perspective. Of which you yourself experienced.

If you're closeted without gay friends you'd be more inclined to internalize everything. Along with a deeper sense of feeling alone in it, you'd have less guilt about not being out yourself.

Being out with no gay friends isn't all the better really. It's quite the same infact barring the more externalized feeling of being the odd one out in the group. As you said, "no one to relate with."

In my own opinion, even being closeted with gay friends is just as bad with the addition of guilt from not being out like them or not being able to externalize how you sympathize with them.


As far as any other psychosis' that arise from any of these situations goes, it's all about the person experiencing them. They all have far too many variables as well. For example, some may not need to connect with other gay people, being perfectly content with having straight friends.

 

[braex27]

...I dunno, I think they're the same.

In the first instance, not knowing anyone leaves you with little guidance...grasping in the dark for direction... In the second instance, once you are out, lacking a support network is hard.

If your current friends, and your family are supportive, great, but no so great for some others.

I'd say they're both equally bad.

 

[Pushyourluck]

Sounds like your support network is there already, will knowing more gay people really make that much of a differance to your life as it is?
I'm with others who don't think it's such a bit deal. If you want to meet more gay people then it will happen. Just appreciate your friends and family now, rather than dwell on friends that you may never get to meet.

 

[Thad1527]

Honesty is better. You don't have to worry about which stories you told which people. And if other people aren't being honest with you, that's a shame; but you can't control others.
The dating pool for gay men is shallower, for sure.

 

[VICTORIADON]

Even though Vancouver is on the West Coast, it can be a cold city to some.

Good luck.

 

[initiallyyours]

Thanks for the advice, guys. I actually do know a few gay guys now, and had a boyfriend briefly last year, but I haven't really met someone I hang out with regularly to talk about gay-related stuff -- just some people from online.

Clubs and bars aren't really my scene, so I guess that's also something to take into consideration. Sure, I'm only 20, but I know younger guys who have this seemingly giant network of gay friends, and it makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong... I'm sure part of it also has to do with my streak of bad luck...

 

[martin6]

I have a couple gay friends but most of them are girls and straight guys. I don't really want to talk about my problems with friends... or anyone... though, so I kinda feel like I am not nearly in the same boat as you.

Vancouver has always seemed to be a gay-friendly city, to me. If you can get over shyness, you'll have the world in your hands, Aaron. And if you can frickin play amazing piano in front of bunches of people, I know you can go out and meet some gays.

 

[initiallyyours]

^^^ You would think my piano skills would charm at least some gay boys, but apparently, no one wants to talk to the queer boy. They're all interested in those goddamn guitarists!!!

I'm sure it would be a different story if I were to play on Davie Street (the gay street in Vancouver). Sigh...

And for the record, I don't talk to any gay guys because I DON'T KNOW WHO'S GAY! My gaydar is permanently broken...

 

[martin6]

Make a lesbian friend-- they know all the gays.

Talk to everyone... gay or str8, guy or girl. You'll make connections. It's impossible to select only the gays to talk to, because you just don't know who's gay a lot of the time.

 

[initiallyyours]

I knew there was something missing in my life! Oh wait, my sister's a lesbian!

I guess I should talk to people, regardless of whether or not they're gay... but I always find it difficult, being introverted and all. My twin sister (not a lesbian) calls me "socially retarded" because I'm kinda awkward when talking to people.

Not everyone is easily as sweet and charming like you, Sam!