Who "controls" penetration, Top or bottom ?

[PatFrance71]

Hi,

I have a question. Who has to control the penetration ? I read the threads concerning anal sex and try to translate them. I visit several sites. I speak with persons. The advices aren't always the same. Some of them say that it's the bottom because he can judge when it becomes too painful and then asks the top to take this into consideration. Others says that it's the top because it's he who will relax (I don't know if it's an appropriate term) the bottom's asshole and it's he who will find the good rhythm. And in the case of a guy who tops for the first time ?

It's in the case of an unexperimented bottom (me, but I think you've guessed). I'm not really afraid of the pain (I've known one which has caused a fainting fit). But I have to confess that my greatest fear is the broken ass. So I want advices with, if possible, logical explanations.

I hope my post is understandable enough.

Thanks in anticipation.

 

[gay boy 123]

The top controls it, the bottom is just in it for the ride!

 

[KaraBulut]

It really depends on the couple.

In some couples, the bottom is the aggressor and controls when, when and how things happen.

In other couples, the top is the aggressor and controls the act.

Since you are inexperienced, you will have to communicate that you want to go slow. And you should choose a partner who will be patient and be sensitive to your needs.

These threads may also be helpful:

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=264402
http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?p=3529536#post3529536

 

[Kirbster66]

with open and honest communication within any relationship sexual or otherwise "control" should not be an issue. if a person cannot communicate with his or her partner and the partner in turn cannot take the information provided and make a good judgement based upon that information than in my opinion they are not ready for a sexual relationship.

Such a good post! Excellent thoughts.

The top controls it, the bottom is just in it for the ride!

I really hope you were being sarcastic! If not, you'd never get near my ass!

A top who doesn't respect and respond to the bottom is a worthless piece of shit.

 

[12fear99]

whoever wants too and both of them having the best time.

 

[gay boy 123]

Such a good post! Excellent thoughts.


I really hope you were being sarcastic! If not, you'd never get near my ass!

A top who doesn't respect and respond to the bottom is a worthless piece of shit.

I was joking, I'm a virgin, and I'd prefer to take it up the ass.

 

[ridinghorses1]

Look honnay, this is what you need to do. Go and find a Dildo or a cumcumber if you like, and STICK that thang up your ass. Get it nice and loose. So pretty much, your in control of both bottoming AND topping, honnay. That way you can judge yourself. Like the faerie gay mother used to say, practice on your own ass before letting someone else do it. Practice makes perfect, chile

 

[Críostóir]

I think it's different for beginners than for experienced bottoms, and also it's different for each person.

For a beginner such as yourself, I would recommend first finding a top you trust a lot. Someone patient and not ruled by his hormones, which almost certainly means someone over 25! Also, no matter how hot you find big cocks, a guy with a big cock isn't the right choice for your first time.

He should prepare you for as long as necessary; if he can't get three fingers into your ass side-by-side without hurting you, you're not ready. Then the entry should be done with him on his back and you sitting down slowly on it.

Push down until it hurts a little, then stop and hold for as long as you can. Breathe deeply and try to focus relaxation into your anus. Pushing out helps (when you push out that's really mostly relaxing the sphincter). The first time is going to hurt some, that's a given. But decide how much you can stand.

And any time you need a break, take one. Take it all the way out, wait a few minutes and then try again. Don't give up; it often takes more than one try your first time.

Repeat this process until you get it all the way in. THEN REST, with the cock all the way inside you. Move back and forth, then up and down. Take it at any speed that works for you. Once it's really comfortable, you can let him roll you over on your back and give you a really good time!

Now, very experienced guys sometimes do something like the above, only MUCH FASTER. And I know some very experienced bottoms who like to be tied face down on the bed and fucked hard and fast, with only minimal preparation. But don't worry about being like them; it may never happen to you, and if it does it should come as an urge from inside you, not as a "should" from outside.

 

[Críostóir]

Look honnay, this is what you need to do. Go and find a dildo, or a cumcumber if you like, and STICK that thang up your ass. Get it nice and loose. So pretty much, your in control of both bottoming AND topping, honnay. That way you can judge yourself. Like the faerie gay mother used to say, practice on your own ass before letting someone else do it. Practice makes perfect, chile

PatFrance71: Dildo yes, cucumber no. Cucumbers are not a safe thing to put up your ass. Get a MODESTLY-SIZED Dildo if you decide to take this path.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

The bottom is in control. Experienced bottoms usually make me feel they're actually sucking my dick into their hole.

 

[KaraBulut]

Look honnay, this is what you need to do. Go and find a dildo, or a cumcumber if you like, and STICK that thang up your ass...

PatFrance71: Dildo yes, cucumber no. Cucumbers are not a safe thing to put up your ass. Get a MODESTLY-SIZED dildo if you decide to take this path.

This is mentioned elsewhere on the forum but it bears repeating. Never put anything up your ass that doesn't have a handle. You don't want to make that embarassing trip to the emergency room in the middle of the night.

And no, we won't believe that you slipped while making a salad.

 

[PatFrance71]

This is mentioned elsewhere on the forum but it bears repeating. Never put anything up your ass that doesn't have a handle. You don't want to make that embarassing trip to the emergency room in the middle of the night.

And no, we won't believe that you slipped while making a salad.

I've always used "dildos" with handles. For me, long-past, it was obvious that we have to be able to take the Dildo off without being obligated to push over.
I'm not sure of the translation of the last sentence (oh, damned the english language !!! But if it can increase my level...).

Otherwise, I'm able to introduce a Dildo with a length = 5 inches and a width = 3 inches without pain (Is it a modestly-sized Dildo ?). I can also introduce 3 fingers, but I have small fingers, so I think it's not significant. One thing which is sure for me : Pumpkin is right. If no communication is possible, needless to go further, everyone goes home and sleeps, plays videogames or watches TV.

Your description is very precise, Criostoir . I'll remember it the D-Day.

 

[bluedragon4]

Depends if you are a power bottom or an aggressive top. I was a top till 31 and now only bottom. You learn you have to open up and let someone in and not clench. I keep my hand on his leg and let him know when he can start going in all the way or when it's time to pound the hell out of me, lol. But when someone is fucking me I feel he is in control. But I guess he isn't? Damn, now i'm confused. lol

 

[Críostóir]

Depends if you are a power bottom or an aggressive top. I was a top till 31 and now only bottom. You learn you have to open up and let someone in and not clench. I keep my hand on his leg and let him know when he can start going in all the way or when it's time to pound the hell out of me, lol. But when someone is fucking me I feel he is in control. But I guess he isn't? Damn, now i'm confused. lol

He's in control, but you have a veto.

 

[KaraBulut]

And no, we won't believe that you slipped while making a salad.

I'm not sure of the translation of the last sentence (oh, damned the english language !!! But if it can increase my level...).

En ce qui concerne le concombre y a salle d'urgences... nous ne croyons pas que tu as glisse quand vous etiez faisant une salade.

 

[PatFrance71]

En ce qui concerne le concombre y a salle d'urgences... nous ne croyons pas que tu as glisse quand vous etiez faisant une salade.

After reading the posts, I understand why guys said it's the top who controls and others said it's the bottom.

Personally, when I use a Dildo I'm on my back or, sometimes, on the side. I suppose, that, in these 2 cases, it's principally the top who will control the move. We can say he's the "pilot" and I'm the "co-pilot" who has to warn him if there's a fact to report (pain, need to rest,...) so that he can slow down or stop the move until the "co-pilot" said that it's OK again).

 

[KaraBulut]

We can say he's the "pilot" and I'm the "co-pilot" who has to warn him if there's a fact to report (pain, need to rest,...) so that he can slow down or stop the move until the "co-pilot" said that it's OK again).

I will have to remember this analogy for future use...