Who do I come out to first?

[dktechno]

Winter break is almost over and I need to get some things out in the open.

I’m a sophomore in college and I know I’m gay and accept the fact wholeheartedly. My problem is that I don’t know who to come out to first. Should I come out to my parents (my mom came out early last summer and my dad is a born again Christian Baptist), my best friend since fifth grade (a Christian girl who told me just the other day she was ok with gays and the gay community), or my friends at school (primarily a strait couple I worked with at home before college who have been trying so hard to get me a girlfriend), or like my mom did, tell my sister who is a 34-year-old lesbian (has been for 9 years)?

My other problem is that I’m crushing on a strait Freshmen at school who probably doesn’t even know I exist. He is so hot but you can tell by a single glance at his facebook profile that he’d never think of me that way even if I tried. This is like my second crush but it’s more serious than the first so I’m really torn.

P.S. Is anybody else in my situation where you’re gay and several of your closest family members are too (I forget to mention my gay uncle)?

 

[Jory]

If your mom's out I would start with her and your sister

 

[1091MAC]

I suggest coming out to whomever you feel the most comfortable and think will be supportive. If you get a nice support base first, they might be able to advise you whom to tell and whom not to tell. Perhaps after you come out to enough people and you are really comfortable, you can come out to everyone. If there are some that don't accept you for who you are then you can write them off and hope they come around later.

 

[backpacker]

I suggest coming out to whomever you feel the most comfortable and think will be supportive. If you get a nice support base first, they might be able to advise you whom to tell and whom not to tell. Perhaps after you come out to enough people and you are really comfortable, you can come out to everyone. If there are some that don't accept you for who you are then you can write them off and hope they come around later.

Well put. That's exactly what I was going to say.

Once you are out and can avail yourself to available gay guys, the crushes on straight boys won't be nearly as bad. I know you really want that straight boy, but if he's straight (which is probably is), then you need to stop torturing yourself. Once you focus your efforts on gay guys, things will be much better. Good luck!

 

[dktechno]

Thank you guys so much. I knew joining JUB and talking to others would help me make the right decision, thanks again!

 

[gmoney]

Coming out is something very personal. You should choose who you feel most comfortable with. You mentioned your mom and sister, but how close are you? Just because they are gay or bi doesn't automatically make them the best choice.

As for crushing on the straight guy, I can tell you from experience it will only bring you emotional pain. Try and let go of that as quickly as you can.

You mentioned a "best friend" from your childhood. This might be the way I would go. Once you're back at school, will you still have contact with her? Will she be there to support you on a daily basis?

Good luck and let us know how things turn out.

 

[dktechno]

Coming out is something very personal. You should choose who you feel most comfortable with. You mentioned your mom and sister, but how close are you? Just because they are gay or bi doesn't automatically make them the best choice.

As for crushing on the straight guy, I can tell you from experience it will only bring you emotional pain. Try and let go of that as quickly as you can.

You mentioned a "best friend" from your childhood. This might be the way I would go. Once you're back at school, will you still have contact with her? Will she be there to support you on a daily basis?

Good luck and let us know how things turn out.

I'm not gonna lie, but I am a momma's boy and probably the favorite. Unlike most teenagers I've never lashed out at my mom and thought people who did were just dumb. As for my sister, she's been around me since birth and was more often than not my babysitter when mom was out or at work. I may have also given her a clue to my sexuality about 5 years ago when I was watching reruns of The Real World New Orleans with the gay cast member Danny. We were chatting on yahoo messenger and I just started talking about her lesbianism and how I thought Danny was kinda interesting, the conversation eventually led to talking about PFLAG and what not.

My best friend does not go to school with me but I can talk to her about anything and I think it would be more of a payback for all the things she tells me about her crushes, obsessions and girly things (she gets pretty in detail sometimes). She means the world to me and we used to joke a long time ago about how we would get married and have 3 kids, but now that's just weird.

 

[backpacker]

By the way, you sound lucky to have so many people in your life that you know will be accepting.

I just wanted to add that to my previous post.

 

[dktechno]

Well I did it, took me a good long while but I've finally told someone. I told my best friend, I actually made her guess, it was a relief but awkward at the same time but I'm glad I did it. I'll probably tell my family and then my other close friends and then let everyone else figure it out for themselves. Now to get on with my life.

 

[Artisticboy89]

Well I did it, took me a good long while but I've finally told someone. I told my best friend, I actually made her guess, it was a relief but awkward at the same time but I'm glad I did it. I'll probably tell my family and then my other close friends and then let everyone else figure it out for themselves. Now to get on with my life.

ok... I need to read the whole post before writing a detailed reply based on your first post... basically I was going to say tell your best friend who you seem most comfortable with, then your sister so you can get some insight on how to tell your parents, then tell your mom so you can get insight on how to tell your dad.

your other friends are a bit tricky since I couldn't figure out how close you are to them and how understanding they would be, but if they are understanding to your plight I would tell them soon because if they are going though effort to try to set you up with someone, that could be bad... I hope this helps

 

[dktechno]

Thanks for the advice Artisticboy, I think that's what I'll do.

My other friends are kinda tricky. To me they come off as homophobic but with me it my be a whole different story. I like to think of them as close friends, they invite me to parties and we hang out at school watching movies and what not. I kinda ruined the whole setting me up with someone thing months ago and they were kinda disappointed, I was too but it probably wouldn't have worked. I think I could deal with the fact that they might not want to be my friends if and when I tell them, if they wanna loose a friend then that's there problem and I shouldn't worry about it. Thanks again for the advice.