Why all gay people have to be effeminate?

[SFMusic]

I get the same kind of reaction too. I love the look on peoples face when I tell them I am gay. They totally don't expect it. More often than not it leads to real, open and honest communications with people, or sometimes they suddenly get real busy and have to leave.

But let me join the bankwagon and say that effeminate guys are just more obvious, I don't think they are in the majority. At least not in my experience.

... "He's gay, right?" After I said yes, I said "I am too you know," and my classmate was blown away, he could just not fathom that I was gay.

 

[Greeneyez]

nothing worse than walking into a gay bar and seeing 10 boys cooing,screaming "hey,girl!" , dancing to britney spears, tight half shirts ,low riders,body glitter,and a sucker!!! than they end up sitting alone at the end of the night wondering why no one will date them. we are gay cause we like men.clue?

You are so right about this. I remember once there was this very girly guy that kept trying to hit on me all night. I was polite, but declined the advances. He said "I don't know what more you want. I look like Marilyn Monroe!" I was thinking yeah, that's the problem.

 

[Meaningless_Poetry]

I don't mind effeminate guys, aslong as they're not overly obnoxious/ loudmouthed and gossipy/dramatic, etc. But that has nothing to do with gender roles and everything to do with a conflict of personality. I just can't identify with people like that, male or female, beyond as a source of temporary amusement at their (imo) absurd antics. Luckily most, in my experience, aren't like this at all.

I like guys who are in touch with their emotions, though, and aren't preoccupied with traditional gender roles. I'm not, and I tend to view myself as more "neuter" in terms of gender identity than as distinctly "male" or "female," and I appreciate others that feel the same. I generally view myself as more of a "submissive" type, and generally prefer someone a bit more dominant than myself (but not that much, as I am ruthlessly individualistic, as well, just not always the most forthright or decisive, so I really don't like domineering or parental-seeming fellows) but I can just as easily get infatuated with someone who doesn't necessarily have those characteristics. I just have to be able to see some traits or insight I can respect. Confidence and willfullness (traditionally viewed as "male") or emotional understanding and thoughtfulness (traditonally viewed as "female,") both are admirable traits, and it doesn't really matter to me, much, aslong as they possess traits I can admire strongly, and speak to my personal view of the world (which is essentially a mixture of "female" and "male" gender identity, anyways.)

Then again, it's hard to discern what is meant by "effeminate." I may be completely misreading the point of this thread, as it isn't always the easiest to assign characteristics that consitute "male" and "female," etc. Limp wristed sissy boys seem more a product of immaturity or shallowness than any distinctly "feminine" characteristic, IMO, although their is often a sense of femininity coming from their mannerisms. An immaturely masculine guy would be just as annoying, IMO.

 

[1st love ron]

What about effeminate personality? Maybe I'm the only one, but I absolutely love that in a guy but he has to be physically masculine for my taste.

 

[slobone]

I don't think this word "effeminate" is particularly accurate either. Most gay men who are -- not butch, shall we say -- don't really resemble actual women. Even for transgendered men, who want to be taken for a woman or even become one, it takes a lot of time and effort to get to the point where they can pass.

No, I think the mannerisms that we usually label effeminate are just those typically associated with gay men at one end of the spectrum. But it's not really very similar to the way women act, sound, and look.

 

[Centexfarmer]

I know that not every gay is effeminate, but most of them are, and most gay people I know do not feel attracted to effeminate guys, including the effeminate ones.
I myself do not feel attracted to effeminate guys, and I am not one.
So, I was wondering if most gay people are effeminate to show they are gay and thus get many sexual partners or just feel good being that way.

Actually, I have several Friends who've I've know for years that many would "classify" as effeminate.

Honestly, I don't know WHERE you're getting this "if most gay people are effemite" shite from. My effeminate gay friends, and most effeminate "gay guys" that I know are a slim minority in the gay community.

Why not replace effeminate with "drag queens," "leather daddies," "bears," or "queers with internalized homophobia?"

I can put on the "nelly limp wristed effeminate" routine, but my effeminate friends usually spill their cocktails from laughing so hard. Because that's not me. The love and respect me for me, and I love and respect them for them.

This whole "us and they" crap bores me to tears, and makes me sad.

Free you mind, and your ass will follow!

 

[Riverrick]

This is probably worth a thread in it itself someday, but I wonder if we are more effeminate than we think?

I always thought I was very straight acting until I saw a video of myself at Christmas one year. The way my hands moved especially surprised me. My wrists were a little too loose for my liking but...hey, that's who I am I guess.

 

[slobone]

^^^ I think mannerisms are partly something we develop growing up in response to our environment. Kids want to fit in with their peers, and a gay boy may find himself more accepted if he plays a role that the other kids can relate to.

So if he finds himself rejected by the boys, he might actually exaggerate his effeminacy to fit in better with the girls. Possible?

 

[FirePhoenix]

So many threads on this effeminate /macho stuff. Be yourself and thats good enough, whatever you might look like. I'd much rather be with a effeminate guy that acts like himself than the guys that have to act macho so they don't look gay. How do any of you straight acting guys really know how you are? i mean maybe everyone else knows your gay and flamey but you just think your so butch.

I'm very masculine though so i have no idea... *bats eyes* *sucks on a lollipop*
damn i just broke a nail typing this....

 

[blooeyz]

You're kidding right?

you need to get out more often.

There are tons of butch gay men

 

[ok455]

Seems like all gay men are effeminate I dont know if i could date a effeminate man some guy sshow it in a cute way and some show it in a annoying way

 

[gaygoth]

I think it's funny that all through high school, people thought I was gay and I denied it. 2 months after graduation I came out of the closet, and the very same people were shocked that I was actually gay.

I'm by no means a macho man, but I don't embody the typical gay stereotype, either. I don't style women's hair. I don't talk in the girlish stereotype voice. I rarely use the word 'fabulous' more than once a year.

I like NASCAR, heavy metal music, and horror movies. And I'm gay and proud.

As to why some gay men are so feminine, it beats me. But I can honestly say that most of the gay men that I've met do not fit the stereotype. In fact, I know more bi guys who fit the gay stereotype.

 

[Leidian]

It's just a label. Feminity and masculinity are social constructs passed down to keep us "in line". It is only femine to act a certain way because that is what society tells us. If you have testicles, you are a man - even if you say "girlfriend" and love to decorate. IMO, the fact that this thread even exists just perpetuates stereotypes and homophobia.

 

[Soilwork]

Hunky, I know you're going through this "I hate gay people and everything about being gay" kick, but it's REALLY gotten tired.

Most gay men in fact are NOT effeminate at all. Most are quite masculine and manly.

It's just the guys that you can see and pick out.

Virtually all of the gay men that I hang out with are quite masculine and are just regular guys.

Now... this doesn't mean that effeminate men are BAD or UNDESIRABLE... gay men are allowed to be themselves no MATTER what that is, and I'm sick of hearing that there's something wrong with men who allow themselves to be what they are.

I hate the term "straight acting" even more than the people who use it.

 

[_AJ_]

i dont think most are overly effeminate but maybe you should get to know some of these more "effeminate" guys and then you might see them differantly
i know i had one friend at work who fitted quite a few stereotypes and that turned me off at first but after getting to know him i realised he was a great guy who i thought of asking out
so dont judge people on how they act but who they are you never know what could happen

 

[kornpone]

Blame the media and cultural stereotyping. Almost since the beginning the movies have portrayed homosexuals as effeminate. When homosexuality was banned from being mentioned, a clue to a guy's sexuality was that they parodied female mannerisms. Only recently has this changed. I know people are ready to barf at the mention of "Brokeback", but still it's an important film in that it shatters once and for all the media stereotyping of gays.

This might be a personal bias of mine, but I can't help but think that effeminate gays want to live up to the stereotype since their mannerism are so affected. You can't deny that they're loud about it -- probably because they need the attention. This can be a double edged sword. Effeminate gays are usually the first to stand up for the rights of gay men. On the other hand, being so loud might be keeping other gays in the closet simply because a lot of guys will look at them and conclude that's not who they are or want to be.

 

[starlight70]

The word 'ALL' got my attention. Serious. ALL?

 

[ladygrey]

Honey

All I can, as a very effeminate male, is how biased and prejuiced your statements are.

How dare you or anyone assume that I'm "acting gay" or my nature is enhanced by some social conditioning? How dare anyone make a judgement about my femine or masculine nature by the way I talk or act? Is gender based on how we sound, dress, or the way we pronouce our "s"? Do we look at women and make judgements about their "womanly natures" based on whether they were flannel or chanel?

Please. This is sooooooo eighth grade. I'm sorry, but I've long ago stopped caring about whether or not people like me. And I'm as freaking effminate as I can be.

Why is being able to "pass" as straight such a good thing?

Why is there a double standard of maleness and masculinity?

Give me a break........."aren't attractive" because we're effeminate?

Perhaps there's more to people than just mannerisms and vocal tones...

anyway, I won't bother rambling on

But grow up, ok?

*snaps fingers and does a spinning turn away, lisping and swaying hips like a slightly drunk overweight model"

At the end of the day,
I'm HAPPY.

So why does it matter what I look/sound/act like?

 

[FREDDIE187]

Hunky, I did not even bother to read this thread. You know very well that you are talking nonsense.

One post I did see is the one by Soilwork. Go back and read it again.

Please get over it.

 

[Alan]

Honey

All I can, as a very effeminate male, is how biased and prejudiced your statements are.
At the end of the day,
I'm HAPPY.

And I for one applaud you ladygrey for your post - there have been very few positive comments on this subject.

I am really starting to get angry at the constant sniping about the 'effeminacy' of some gay guys. The (so called) gay community is made up of many, many different people.

Just when did we start getting all embarassed about our more 'obvious' brothers. And when did we all want to be 'straight acting' anyway.

Viva La Difference I say!