Why am so fucking confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sonical]

I consider myself to be a hetero and I love women, but I have this thing about being with a guy. I have never been with another man but I have this dominating urge that I feel will never subside untill I fullfill it, I have so many mixed emotions and major issues to deal with if I realize and findm out that this is my destiny. Your comments will console me I'm sure, but this is a one man struggle and I just hope that the outcome will bring peace and closure to my sexual identity.

 

[looseliam]

When I was with my ex-fiance (female) about 4 years ago, I had the exact same feelings. We eventually split and I pursued my urges/needs.

I've never looked back!

 

[confusedboy23]

Hey sonical. I don't think you're alone with these feelings. Many of us here would have experienced such feelings sometime in our lifetime. I am one of them!

I started being attracted to guys when I was 12 and yes, I have had my fair share of casual hookups with guys every now and then since I was 17. I used to think that I was only in it for the sex and would never be emotionally attached - but I was proven wrong this year and I am now 23. So, I guess this tells you that it has taken me well over 10 to accept myself just that little bit more!

I don't know how long you have been struggling but to find peace, you have to accept yourself first. So, just take it in stride, and when the time is right - you will know who you really are. You might be striaght afterall, or you might be bi or whatever. You are you, a unique individual that needs no labels!

It will take time but just be sure to share with us your ups and downs because we are here for you!

 

[mexamor]

Please don't flame me, but I think it is better to explore emotional relationships before getting into sex. Sex is a very powerful drive within us and sex can confuse us more than be helpful if we don't have all the other pieces together. I have found personally that sex augments the other segments of my life rather than the other way around.

I am trying to say that life without sex sucks and feels unfulfilled but life without love/intimacy is lonely. Not trying to offend so be nice.

 

[eftergivende]

I've known guys who were curious, like you, and they tried sex with another guy and found out they really didn't like it (for whatever reason), so they went back to straight stuff and have been happy ever since. Don't let someone else tell you who you are or what to do.

 

[sonical]

It took me a long time to post but now that I have I shoud have done it long ago. You fellow jubbers are awesome people, your words and opinions are starting to help me find peace with-in myself. Thank you

 

[Eagle653]

Hi sonical, I'm glad you posted. Keep us up to date on how you're doing and what you're thinking.

I think many of us (most of us?) felt the same way you do at some point in our lives. If you talked to a bunch of straight guys, you'd probably find a fair number who had thoughts, feelings, and fantasies about men at times too.

This will probably be a nagging desire until you fulfill it. At that point, you will then know what it's like and be clearer on whether it's for you.

Is there someone in particular who has brought these feelings out--in other words, are they centered on a particular guy? Or, is it that you want to do it with a guy and don't have a specific one in mind? If that latter, choose your target with care and I hope it's a good experience for you.

Good luck. Let us know what happens.

 

[teh_nathan]

It's wonderful advice. I wish someone would've told me this six years ago.

Please don't flame me, but I think it is better to explore emotional relationships before getting into sex. Sex is a very powerful drive within us and sex can confuse us more than be helpful if we don't have all the other pieces together. I have found personally that sex augments the other segments of my life rather than the other way around.

I am trying to say that life without sex sucks and feels unfulfilled but life without love/intimacy is lonely. Not trying to offend so be nice.

 

[sonical]

Thank you averageguy for your kind words. I don't think that I could talk to any straight guys about my feelings in fear that It may become a very awkward situation. I wish I could because as you said there are many men out there going through the same thing as me. I bet if someone could explain male dog behaivior we might get some answers. In having recently purchased a puppy for my daughter, when I was selecting the one, his brother kept licking the white stuff at the tip of his male organ and I thought, maybe this is related somehow to why I feel the way I do when I see a penis. And I've always seen this behaivior having had dogs all my life. Or maybe I'm just looking too much into this.

 

[Soilwork]

I think that by desperatly hanging onto that "Hetero" label, you're doing yourself a lot more harm than good.

Especailly since you're obviusly not 100% straight. I mean, if you can't even be honest with yourself, how are you ever going to be able to find some inner peace?

OK.. step one.

Admit to yourself that you're NOT straight. Sounds easy, but it can be a rough one...especailly since you've been telling yourself this through your whole life.

Just let yourself be who you are... stop living to impress other people and stop molding your life about what you THINK it should be.

Once you do that... we'll get to step two.

 

[sonical]

FIrst of all I'm somewhat honored that you soilwork took intrest in my thread. Although if that's you in the pictures I've seen, you don't look gay. I am not living to impress othe people, I'm living to succeed in life and nothing to do with my sexual confusion. I know what your saying and I realize from everyone's input is that I need to satisfy this curiosity and then I will be able to decide which path I want to take. I'm curretly developing a relationship with a very cool woman and It is subsiding some of these feelings but I know It's still inside me and I will someday have to make peace with this. If I ever go throught with it JUB will be the first to know. Thanks to all for your support!

 

[Soilwork]

Sonical... I'll go very easy on you since you seem like an OK guy and since you hold me in such high reverance, you're obviously a genius of some sort.

heehee

but trust me, I DO "look gay". you really need to break that mold of what a gay guy looks like, acts like and lives like.

Gay people are all around, we're in every industry, every job, every kind of family. I have plenty of gay friends that may not fit your out-moded stereotype of what a gay guy looks like, but trust me, they're all gay.

I can't tell you how to live your life (well, I can, I guess but I can't make you listen), but pursuing a relationshop with a new woman when you're not really sure of wether you're ready to explore your sexuality stinks of hiding.

And if you ask THIS gay-acting man, the best way to succeed in life is to live it on your own terms.












*by the way, I need to send you your "New Jasunite" kit. what size T-shirt do you wear?

 

[sonical]

Soilwork, You're okay in my book and very intelligent, you have my respect. What is a Jasunite kit?

 

[Soilwork]

OH...

My real name is Jasun.

Sometime ago, someone made a snide comment about how anyone who agrees with anything I say isn't a "quality" poster and should therefore be called a "Jasunite".

So instead of getting my knickers in a knot, I jokingly created a phoney religion called "Jasunism" and the members were all called "Jasunites".

There were about 5 threads about it, and although it's a sore spot for some, most of us think it's pretty damn funny.

There's no ACTUAL Jasunite kit, but whenever a new person says they appreciate something I've said or says something like you've said above, I joke about how we have a new Jasunite.

 

[speedoboi]

I feel your pain I really do. My parents dont know I'm gay but I get the hint that they do tho. For starters my brother (older by 6years) is gay himself. And I don't know what to do. I guess you follow your heart and soul into what you would like to do. When a topic comes to me and say "do you have a girlfriend yet?" I start getting nervous/brush the subject off with something cheesy or smartarse remark. I am feeling extremely confused let alone how am I gonna surive if I do tell em. I hope things go well for you really do.. xx

 

[sonical]

O2, One thing that everyone here has to realize is that most of you have already been with a guy and most of you are 100% gay. My situation is that I am a man in my 40's that would have a major disruption in my life, proffesionally and personal. I know that I would loose respect from many of the men and women that I supervise. My job is that of overseeing major projects and therefore I deal with hundreds of people weekly, all of which have a great respect for me because of my working relationship with them. And on the personal side, my friends and family for the most part would probably understand and accept me but the not knowing myself if I'm gay. I need to be with a man and then I can take the next step. How could I be open with the new lady in my life. It falls into the same category as above. If I told her I could stand to loose her and I don't want to risk that.

 

[teh_nathan]

For a new lady (or man) in your life, this should not even be a factor. If you're bi, you're bi, that doesn't mean the whole stigma attached to it that bi guys cheat will necessarily be true.

Just be open and honest. If you can commit 100% to the relationship, this should not be a factor. With my last boyfriend, I was open and honest (he knew everything) and that was not an issue (I remained true to relationship and didn't cheat, that's not in my nature anyway; he respected the fact that I do look at girls here and there and it means nothing - this was the same with my last girlfriend which was ages ago).