Why are older gay men always alone ?

[hotb0d]

maybe these guys were choosy when they were younger. Time passed by and bam...lonely old men.

 

[pocketpool]

We would still be together if he were still here. I know many gay couples who've been together for 20 and 30 + years. There's plenty of straight middle aged people who are still alone.

This is also a fallacy.

 

[gsdx]

What about the guys who were alone when they were young and are still alone when they get older? We're out there. The guys who aren't pretty enough or rugged enough to get noticed. The guys who aren't built well enough to get noticed. The guys who are a bit too overweight or a bit too short to get noticed. The guys who don't quite fill a pair of jeans well enough, either front or back, to get noticed. The guys who are a bit too shy to get noticed. The guys who are a bit too frightened to get noticed. The guys who can't hear you. The guys who can't see you. The guys who can't walk beside you because they're in a wheelchair. The guys with half an arm or half a leg. The guys with scars on their face or body.

You see it in this forum all the time - depressed young men who are terrified that they might be destined to spend their lives alone. They're not bitter queens. They don't have deep-seated psychological issues. They are frightened young men who who see themselves as 'not worthy' of a relationship. To hold them responsible for the hand which life dealt to them is a shame, and to blame them for their own loneliness in their winter years is a travesty.

 

[streetblackcock99]

^

deep, I feel you.

 

[fetaby]

What about the guys who were alone when they were young and are still alone when they get older? We're out there. The guys who aren't pretty enough or rugged enough to get noticed. The guys who aren't built well enough to get noticed. The guys who are a bit too overweight or a bit too short to get noticed. The guys who don't quite fill a pair of jeans well enough, either front or back, to get noticed. The guys who are a bit too shy to get noticed. The guys who are a bit too frightened to get noticed. The guys who can't hear you. The guys who can't see you. The guys who can't walk beside you because they're in a wheelchair. The guys with half an arm or half a leg. The guys with scars on their face or body.

You see it in this forum all the time - depressed young men who are terrified that they might be destined to spend their lives alone. They're not bitter queens. They don't have deep-seated psychological issues. They are frightened young men who who see themselves as 'not worthy' of a relationship. To hold them responsible for the hand which life dealt to them is a shame, and to blame them for their own loneliness in their winter years is a travesty.

There is truth in this post. Thanks for posting this.

------


But really people? Why are we choosing to answer this thread the way it has been framed? There's no way that a single answer could possible encompass all the different factors that contribute to such a complex social dynamic.

But it has been entertaining....

 

[CowboyBob]

This is also a fallacy.

Explain yourself. Just how small is your world?

 

[Kulindahr]

narrow dating pool that gets even more narrow when you begin excluding all the guys whose mental and emotional well-being didn't survive their homophobic environments, (and we aren't even including guys messed up from the normal trappings of life ie absentee father, alcoholic mother, bullied etc). gays are estimated at less than a double-digit percentage of the population, as for you and i it's even slimmer if we date with racial exclusivity, once you subtract all the high-school dropouts and jailbirds that pretty much leaves me, you, trey songz, eddie murphy and that cunt who works as a cashier at the Target down the street.

Arseboatlutely!

Well, according to the 2010 census, the median age for same-sex couples is about 39. That means that for gay men living with a partner, there are as many over the age of 39 as under the age of 39. So I don't think your point makes much sense.

I suspect that as it becomes more 0kay to be gay, this number will rise.

I know several gay guys who didn't start looking for a BF until they were over 35, because where they were before it wasn't safe to be out. Then there are a few like me, so screwed up in our upbringing we're sufficiently messed up we're not sure we want to inflict that on anyone (besides the fact of only being attracted to guys of the age when we should have been out and about, i.e. early to mid twenties).

What about the guys who were alone when they were young and are still alone when they get older? We're out there. The guys who aren't pretty enough or rugged enough to get noticed. The guys who aren't built well enough to get noticed. The guys who are a bit too overweight or a bit too short to get noticed. The guys who don't quite fill a pair of jeans well enough, either front or back, to get noticed. The guys who are a bit too shy to get noticed. The guys who are a bit too frightened to get noticed. The guys who can't hear you. The guys who can't see you. The guys who can't walk beside you because they're in a wheelchair. The guys with half an arm or half a leg. The guys with scars on their face or body.

You see it in this forum all the time - depressed young men who are terrified that they might be destined to spend their lives alone. They're not bitter queens. They don't have deep-seated psychological issues. They are frightened young men who who see themselves as 'not worthy' of a relationship. To hold them responsible for the hand which life dealt to them is a shame, and to blame them for their own loneliness in their winter years is a travesty.

This.

And the emptiness drives the desire to have the perfect partner, turning it into a cycle that feeds on itself.

On top of which, it doesn't help to look in the mirror and see someone you'd never hit on.

 

[streetblackcock99]

You sound afraid of being alone when older. Why not start getting into the monogamy mentality now?

Dicks out there need suckin sis, finna stay single and be a hoe then be with someone and cheat on they.

 

[Kulindahr]

Dicks out there need suckin sis, finna stay single and be a hoe then be with someone and cheat on they.

I'd say this attitude is why many older gays are alone -- they never learned that people are people and not sex toys.

 

[G-Lexington]

On top of which, it doesn't help to look in the mirror and see someone you'd never hit on.

You think this is something that affects gays more than straights? I mean, most straight people don't want to hit on themselves. But they presumably can still feel that they aren't "attractive enough" to appeal to the sorts of people they want to appeal to. I wonder if it's more of an issue with us.

I'll just toss out that I certainly wouldn't be my first choice, but I've been surprised and pleased by the number of guys who have found me worth pursuing, and very surprised by the range of ages and "types" who have done so.

Lex

 

[streetblackcock99]

confidun is key ladies, memba dat.

 

[streetblackcock99]

^

Where your nudes at ?

 

[Kulindahr]

^

Where your nudes at ?

Where's your English at?

 

[AlmondMilk]

The older men I've met were widowers or divorced. I guess they preferred to remain single because they didn't want to remain attached at the time. Not sure what happened to them, since they kinda disappeared out of the blue.

 

[vulgar_newcomer]

Whilst I'm currently 46, I've pretty much been in relationships since I was 19 as I 've never been one for tarting my carcass around town for everyone to bounce on.

I lost my first partner (of 15 years) to heart failure, the next to cancer (after 3 years), and the third was shipped back to the States under DADT. Picking up the pieces can be an enormous emotional drain, and not something I'm prepared to have to do again in the next few years. Although I've always been surrounded by younger people, and had a couple of twinks make it clear they're more than interested, I just can't be doing with the drama that comes with most youngsters nowadays.

When I feel I want to go down that road again, I will do - probably more for companionship than anything else, but right now though, I'm more than happy being single - in fact my family worry about it more than I do.

Thank you for sharing that. I understand and relate to your words.

There is only so much time and emotionally it takes a long time to recover. While time waits for no one, and it won't wait for me.... the options change as one ages and its work should one be lucky enough to score again with a relationship after a hard fall, its a lot of work and some just aren't strong enough or have the time to devote.

What seemed so worthwhile at a certain age can seem burdensome and different later through blood shot eyes.

 

[dereperez]

I just realised, the majorority of men i've been with are like, 40+ and still alone,

is it a lifestyle choice to stay single or is it just that unfortunately they haven't found someone to wife them up yet ?

pursdonally, at the age I am rn, I really ain't finna be in a relashunship, i'm quite happy with my fuckbuddies and random hookups, but, I do hope and pray to the lawd and behby jebus that later on in life, that changes,

because I do like the idea of marriage and mononogamy, just not rn, ya'll feel me ?

where my dilfs at to shed some light and give me hope for the fewture ?

Amen.

What a rash generalization While society certainly doesn't make it any eaiser to find mates when you're gay, I know plenty of older gay men who are partnered and are happy...

 

[pocketpool]

Explain yourself. Just how small is your world?

Oops, my last quote got all messed up. Anyway, since you asked so nicely... The fallacy is in drawing a conclusion based on one's experience, in this case, your previous social contacts. Doing this presumes that the acquaintances are all representative of a larger population. Simple presumption, that is all.

And to answer your question, my world is just as small as yours.

 

[streetblackcock99]

GiancarloC be getting dragged left right up down got ha spinnin round and around [/whitney - million dollar bill]

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

maybe civlized worlds cultures a trade stoopids questions ans stoopid answers cause theys got too much shit ta play with

if no figa post ya defo belong civlized world

thankyou

enjoy yaself

 

[streetblackcock99]

^