Why Are You Single? Let's Solve This Dilemma

[PabloZed]

sdrival - I had that problem before. I was dating a Swiss and he didn't have any lips but had big teeth. It was the strangest thing. So every kiss (and blowjob) was unpleasant. He was actually a very cute guy, incredibly smart so I really wanted it to work, but neither of us felt comfortable.

Sorry to hear that Kester, but since you broke it off it was obviously what you wanted.

 

[Fucker29]

all the "fun" ceases when you move to NY


til then....

*whew*

Now I can sleep better knowing that.

 

[Críostóir]

Puka-pride...I looked at your pictures and practically drooled. You're SMOKING HOT, boy! Anyone who doesn't appreciate you has some other type, that's all. Anyone who thinks you're fat wants to date emaciated stick-boys and is a special (and especially idiotic) case of the above.

As for me, I'm single for two reasons: I'm hung up on a guy who used to be on here (but who I met elsewhere). We can't be together for external reasons, though our love for each other is undiminished.

The other reason is that I'm currently partially crippled, and the motions required for sex would cause me great pain, and possibly broken bones. I'm having surgery next month that will correct that, however, and then I should be able to recover and start looking...subject to the first problem of course.

 

[wanky_window]

Do 010 press-ups a day, i'm normally painfully shy. It's horrible.

 

[Lawnmowerman]

Hmm, for me it mirrors a lot of the answers here. I think mainly I've always been self-concious of my looks and body. I just didn't think anyone would find me attractive. There's others as well, which I'm working to change.

 

[gvlatinboi]

I honestly think it's because I'm afraid to be in love. I consider myself to be outgoing and can talk to pretty much anyone about anything but I have problems starting a conversation, or rather fighting my shyness, around gay men. So I have the problem that I'm too family oriented in a family that is conservative catholic, to whom if I come out, I'll be disowned so i tend to shy from having relationships with men.... i think that's pretty much it.

 

[martin6]

I'm single because I haven't found someone I can stand more than a couple weeks.

Oh, and because boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them.













Boys = "beings with penises." ...Peni?

 

[Lukeee]

Hmm....

I am not confident about myself and I am really shy, I don't do a lot and it is pretty rare that I meet new people.

Also I have been messed around before and I don't want things to turn out as messy as they did last time.

 

[TickTockMan]

The reason I am single is people don’t find me attractive enough. Everyone I have ever asked out has either laughed at me, said no, or said nothing at all and walked away or stopped talking to me if it was online. Everyone that has asked me out has asked me online before we traded pictures. All of them stopped talking to me after they saw me, but two, but they backed out after I told them I walk with a limp.

In my defense I don’t think I am ugly, I’m just not a “Ken doll”. Also in my area it seems only those that will sleep with any guy or twinks are of interest. Being that I want an emotional relationship and would be considered a bear, I don’t stand a chance.


I will keep looking though….

 

[ViscountLazarus]

Why am I single?

Because no-one wants to date the weird intelligent goth guy.

Because I'm not pretty.

Because I'm not the quirky fun kind of weird, I'm that other kind that makes people look at you strangely because you get excited over stationary or getting new safety gear at work.

Because I know too much about the bad side of life. I know what it's like to be callous and cruel and a drug addict, because I was that (and fall back into it too easily).

Because people I like are intimidated by how much I know and how forthright I am, because I want to be seen as intelligent and honest but it comes across as being a know-it-all and overbearing.

Problem is, some things of that, I can't change. And changing the things I COULD, means giving up who I am.

-Laz.

 

[gdude30]

Today seems perfect to ask why you are single and what you can do to change your status if that is your desire.

I think most of us can probably agree on these factors.

1. Looks/appearance matters, but is not determinative.

2. Personality and personal quirks matter.

3. Age matters, but how it matters is less than clear. I think a lot of guys in their 20's who are often just coming out are not interested in a relationship right away. But I am not sure its any easier for guys in their 40's who are interested in guys their own age? Also, the bars and clubs where many guys meet are not always kind to guys not in their 20's.

4. Job/profession matters to some people, but a lot less than people say. In other words, I don't think someone will blow off a guy they otherwise like simply because he may be struggling financially.

5. Where you live and whether you are out matters. Having to sneak around most decrease your options.

6. Tastes matter. The narrower they are the fewer options you have.

7. Other. I actually hate going out. The last time I was in a bar or club was years ago. I would give this is the number one reason I am single. Number two would be personality. I talk too damn much.

Do you think you are single because of one of these PabloZed?

 

[rareboy]

errr totally was... one of the last guys i really wanted to date said he liked me but i need to lose a few pounds

Uhhhh, Puka....then who is the hottie in the pics on your homepage? Unless you've just blimped out?

Most guys could only hope to look so good.

 

[fluxxx]

I;m single because I guess I'm suck at flirting
i'm too shy to express my feeling around someone that I got a crush on...
sometimes i'm affraid to make the first move and i think too much before i make a first step

but normally around my friends i'm kinda easy going person and also totally extrovert but if i;m around my crush..i could be soo silent

 

[PabloZed]

Do you think you are single because of one of these PabloZed?

Sure, one or more to be exact.

But I am of a different pov on some things than expressed here. I said looks matter, but in a subjective way. No one is attractive to everyone else so how can any of us expect to meet the expectations of everyone we meet? We have to be the best us. I know I can groom myself better, but I love being a bit of a slob. My clothes are sometimes threadbare. I need a haircut right now, but ya know, I sometimes like my hair long.

My main problem is that it takes a subpoena to get me out of the house. My friends don't even ask anymore. The irony is that I usually have a good time. My goal is to change that come spring and summer.

I guess there is that new problem of the economy, but then I don't drink.

 

[bankside]

Today seems perfect to ask why you are single and what you can do to change your status if that is your desire.

I think most of us can probably agree on these factors.

1. Looks/appearance matters, but is not determinative.

2. Personality and personal quirks matter.

3. Age matters, but how it matters is less than clear. I think a lot of guys in their 20's who are often just coming out are not interested in a relationship right away. But I am not sure its any easier for guys in their 40's who are interested in guys their own age? Also, the bars and clubs where many guys meet are not always kind to guys not in their 20's.

4. Job/profession matters to some people, but a lot less than people say. In other words, I don't think someone will blow off a guy they otherwise like simply because he may be struggling financially.

5. Where you live and whether you are out matters. Having to sneak around most decrease your options.

6. Tastes matter. The narrower they are the fewer options you have.

7. Other. I actually hate going out. The last time I was in a bar or club was years ago. I would give this is the number one reason I am single. Number two would be personality. I talk too damn much.

I'm not single - hope nobody minds my thoughts...

#4 - Finances...I almost agree. I would never be interested in someone struggling financially. But I wouldn't care if he was a millionaire or living on minimum wage, if he had his shit together financially and made the best of what he had. I just have no time for financial drama because there are millionaires struggling to make ends meet too, and life's too short to worry about money, or argue about it, or be dazzled by it for that matter.

#7 - specifically talking too much. This isn't about personality - it is just a question of manners. If somebody talks all the time but still gives quiet people a chance to join the conversation, they can be the life of the party and nobody minds. If somebody talks all the time and barrels over everyone else, then it is just rude.

Also, a lot of talkers are just saying things to fill time - it's like they have a job as a radio DJ and aren't allowed to have "dead air time" during the broadcast. They know sometimes they're just keeping the conversation going without saying anything too important.

But for a lot of listeners, the quiet ones especially, every word is important and paying attention is important and after a while it just gets exhausting. So, just like turning the radio off, they tune out. Another area which is about manners & mutual respect.

 

[screwnutty]

I'm single because...

I've had my heart broken once really bad and I just can't trust people that are nice to me...always looking for a reason as to why there being nice.

I'm a chubby. I don't have that slim body look or those ripping muscles either. I don't care cause I'm happy for who I am, could I stand to lose some weight. Hell yeah. But life is to short to worry about it. If you suddenly love me when I'm 20 pounds lighter then fuck you, cause I'm the same person regardless of my weight.

I been battling a heart problem since I was a born. I take medication for it and now finally the technology has arrived that they might be able to fix me...who knows. But I know gay guys don't like a guy who has this type of baggage. Once again, life is too short to worry about this. If i did, I'd go insane. I've learned to cherish everyday I have cause you never know when you won't see tommorrow!

I'm a geek. Sorry. It's in my blood. I love geeky things, hell i love shiney things! Comics, movies, Doctor Who...you name it. I collect it, watch it, or read it. But to gay guys this comes off as weird....where as to me it's a hobby and it helps me relax after a rough day. It's my safety net, cause I know, no matter how much rejection I get out in the real world, when i open those comics or watch Doctor Who on DVD...I'll be welcomed with open arms.

I live in a small town (pop. 8,000) and there is no gay people here. NONE. I've looked, checked and even tried to find a gay group close to join. However the nearest Gay friendly city is Toronto. It's 3 hours away. I just don't see the reason to start a long distance relationship with somebody because I love my small town. I feel safe here. I have friends here that support me and I just could not live in Toronto or any city. I'm a country boy at heart. Plus My doctor lives here and my sister with my brother in law and my two nieces. I guess I've pretty much staked my tent here and I'm okay with live out the rest of my life without a partner. But that's fate. Not all stories are meant to have a happy ending.

Besides, I may feel alone somedays and I may somedays really crave a gay guy that loves me for me, but I have a good life here and friends so in the end it's all good.

 

[fluxxx]

Fluxx,
Im 44. I wasted my 'fun years' standing around waiting for mr right to come talk to me. It never really happened. Dont do what I do. Find ways to overcome it. If they are looking at you more than normal, they are probably interested.

And if you dont know what to say, I would just say "Hi. I decided to come over and say hi to you". Its not a cheesy line and hopefully the conversation will start from there.

Look up flirting on the internet. There are things to do, according to experts, like give him one compliment (and maybe another one later on)

From all the therapy I have had, my best advice is "act as if". In a situation, act as if this isnt your first time doing it. Pretend you have done this and its old hat. An example of that is a new cashier . You can always spot them because they are awkward. If they acted as if they have done this awhile, things might go better.

When I meet someone new, or relatively new, I act as if I know them better than I do so I will feel more comfortable.

(lecture over)

thanks for the lecture
anyway it's like more i'm not ready to fully open myself as a gay guy
i live in asia and it's kinda taboo thing to really reveal about myself...

 

[PabloZed]

One of my favorite things to do a few years ago was get together with some friends and spend to whole day doing "geeky" things. Sometimes it was watching sci-fi movies or playing board games. Just good clean fun. About the same time I dated a guy who could be considered a geek. He and I spent a lot of time playing backgammon.

I guess being a geek is really like anything else. If you meet someone who shares your interests it can be a lot of fun.

Fluxxx, that is what I meant by #5 - I know there are places where it just isn't easy to be gay. Let's hope that changes.

 

[fluxxx]

yeah hopefully everything will change
anyway some people says that i'm kinda too picky
maybe they're rite, but we should choose the best for ourselves, shouldn't we?

maybe someone here could teach me how to flirt lol

 

[GL]

errr totally was... one of the last guys i really wanted to date said he liked me but i need to lose a few pounds

i've been there. the last time i asked a guy was this cute chubby guy in my bowling league. he turned me down and told me i wasn't his type. i have to tell you i was sort of stunned as he was actually heavier than myself.

why am i single? i'm not really sure. lord knows i try and i keep hitting a brick wall. i'm not ugly and in fact i think i clean up pretty well. i've been told that i'm funny and i know i'm smart. i can strike up a conversation with just about anyone and make friends pretty easy. my drawback is that i am not an ambercrombie model. i'm a chubby sort of guy who has managed to work himself down from xxxl to xl/l clothes. but even then i'm still considered too fat.

meh. i like to think that my geek is just too much for anyone to handle. its either that or just believe that all gay men are feckless and stupid.