Why can't i cry?

[BlondeCanadian]

I have trouble crying over my own problems so when I feel it all building up inside me I sometimes watch a sad movie... I find it easier to cry over other peoples issues then my own.. and it still feels good

 

[rpflava]

I feel, once again, like breaking down and having a good old cry, (these feelings come along a couple times a year when things get too much) but i only ever seem to get teary-eyed.
I feel that i want to bawl my eyes out but nothing happens, if i can muster a half dozen tears i'd regard it a success of some sort, i'm lucky to have a single tear trickle down my cheek.

The last time i had a proper cry was about six years ago when i fell in love with a guy in a requited way, when i told him how i felt, he was good about it but explained me and him couldn't happen because i had waited too long to tell him how i felt and that he had since got his ex-girlfriend pregnant and was getting back with her for their baby.

One of my sisters has died since then, and my problem was most evident during that time, my mum and other sister were in tears and yet i was like some emotionless zombie, i felt the only way i could cry was to force myself to. At the funeral, some music helped create an atmosphere which, combined with my family crying and my own thoughts, helped me to look human.

I really honestly don't know why i can't cry like a normal human being. Is it that i don't care anymore about anything? I certainly don't think so or i wouldn't feel like wanting to cry at all.

I just don't get it.

The fact that you don't shed tears does not make you any less human. I'm not a therapist. but it sounds like maybe it could be something that's happening subconsciously. You mentioned that the last time you had a "proper cry " was when you fell in love with a guy who turned you down because you waited to long to state your intentions. Maybe because of the situation( having your heart broken) You may have built up a wall, perhaps have become numb and are subconsciously suppressing your emotions, again, not a therapist, but that could be whats going on.... JMO. I would definitely suggest seeing and actual therapist, they might be able to help you tap into the root of the issue, until then hang in there.

 

[evanrick]

a good friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend. i asked him if he cried, and he says he cant, he cant even force himself to cry. he said he tried but couldn't...i felt bad for him. he said hes just too stubborn.
i think the previous post was right, its subconscious. sometimes we know when we are acting subconsciously, other times we don't.

if you have a problem with crying i would think you may just not want to show your emotions. showing those emotions of sadness is a fear of loss of control of your emotions. if you have feelings bottled up, you may be afraid to let them out, even if its just to cry.

my friend can get angry at times, but he controls it. he also cant cry, not because he doesn't want to, but because he has trained himself to control extreme emotions.

im not sure what the relationship is, but if anger is coupled with sadness, we may not be able to uncouple the need to control both until those subconscious barriers are broken down.

im sorry things are getting too much for you, i wish i could be there for you to cry on, and we are here for you. what things are getting too much? how does it make you feel?

 

[BlondeCanadian]

I usually watch my sisters keeper.....

Which totally off topic.. but one time on a flight to new york city from toronto we had one of those plans with our own controllable tvs.. and my sister was watching my sisters keeper while i was sitting with her... and it is a short flight so most people werent even watching movies.... needless to say she spent the ride there and back balling with headsets on while people looked funny at us ahahah

 

[mapiyu]

mitchymo, I have the same exact problem. I thought it was just me!
In my case, I don't think I have a subconscious barrier because I'm not afraid to express my emotions, especially in private...it's not like I'm trying to control it. Sometimes I WANT to cry, but can't...

Oddly enough, just like BlondeCanadian, the one exception is when watching movies, I'm the exact opposite, I can cry at EVERYTHING. I think the movies that made me cry the hardest were Dancer in the Dark and Betty Blue (that one made me weepy for the entire day )

 

[jknightuk]

Hi Mitchymo,

Sorry to hear about what you are going through there. Not being able to cry can be distressing, I understand. Take this memory from my past, and you'll see where I'm coming from:

Oct 2005...
I had moved in with my partner the year before, and all was (sort of) ok. I had a phone call late night one evening. It was the local hospital. My Mother had been admitted to hospital. I was her full-time carer.

My Mom had (we believed) throat cancer, and she could not eat, or breathe properly. Anyway, Mitchymo, to stop this becoming a long post, she was taken to a hospice to recouperate. But, she got worse. I visited one evening, but when sitting with her, talking about how I was getting on in my relationship... she looked at me (laying on her bed) smiled, and breathed out. Sadly, this was the last thing she ever said to me. I called a Nurse in, and she certified my Mom had passed away.

I waited for the tears, but nothing! I was like this right up to the day when she was due to be cremated... yet at the cremation service, there were no tears. The damn family looked at me like I was a fool. I was standing up reading her eulogy, froze... and ran out of the building. Still no tears, but I was outside.

To cut this short, Mitchymo... I have only cried once since that year. It's not nice, I know and yes... it does make people question themselves when it happens. I am certain that you DO care about others... please don't berate yourself over this.

Your body and mind will know when it's time for a good cry... just give it time. You're not a bad person,... ok? Hope all goes well for you in the future, Mitchymo... and I wish you all the best.

Good luck

 

[ziliphin01]

autism/aspergers. Lack of empathy or emotions maybe. No big deal

 

[BlondeCanadian]

the poster obviously is either joking or didnt read your post.. you said that you feel super bad. therefore your not lacking in emotion or empathy just having trouble expressing it.

 

[ShavedBare87]

Watch the movie Marley and Me. I can't watch that movie ever again because I cried so bad at the end.

 

[EveretteB1975]

Watch the movie Marley and Me. I can't watch that movie ever again because I cried so bad at the end.

I cried like a baby at the end of that movie too!! It takes me a lot to cry!

 

[Teddybear71]

I can sympathize with you, mitchymo. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I guess I am also built that way. After my father died of a heart attack right in front of me and my mother, I would have expected some sort of grief reaction. Even at (and after) the funeral there really was no bodily reaction, and I kind of wrote it off to my just not being able to react like that. Even to this day (20 years on), when something terrible happens, I usually go into "solve the problem" mode and start working on the best way to move forward. Often times I am reminded of a couple of lines from the movie "Victor/Victoria" where Julie Andrews is crying on Robert Preston's shoulder after her dress has been ruined. She says something about how terrible she feels about crying, and he responds: "You wouldn't if you couldn't do it anymore." How true!

 

[Deandbn]

I think i can rule out a medical condition. It must be psychological if its not 'just the way i am'.

HI mitchy you are quite right, it is psycho and all about 'loss of control' and can also be about 'denial' where one does not accept the reality of a situation eg a death in the family etc.

google these words for more detail.