Wow it has been a rough week. At the beginning of the week i logged on to my boyfriend's computer because I didn't have mine and I needed to check my email. Well it automatically logged on to his email and I found out that he has been cheating on me basically every monday after his class. So I brought this to his attention and he said that nothing happened and that he just jerked off and he only did it because "I wasn't there..." Well I gave him another chance and he bought me diamond earrings and all of this nice stuff and he kept on telling me that he loved me. So tonight I had a bad feeling in my stomach so I go on to his computer and there is another email message from another guy and he had also been looking at personal ads. My question is why do cheaters stay with their boyfriends? obviously I don't do it for him so why doesn't he just say so instead of doing this. Sure, him breaking up with me would rip my heart out but the fact that he's cheating is like him ripping my heart out and stomping on it. I seriously don't get it. And the worse part is that we've been looking at apartments and he talks about the future a lot. WWWWHHHYYYYYYYY?????????????????? Why is he making all of these efforts if he obviously isn't happy with me?
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Why do boyfriends cheat?
- Thread starter swarley
- Start date
three_wish35
On the Prowl
Personally, I would not take that kind of SHIT from anyone.
If someone tells me they love me then it's going to be me and there should be no one else. Am I wrong to ask that the person who claims to love me and want to be in a relationship with me, stick to me and only ever look at me? I really think that isn't too much to ask. So why in the world would I tolerate him "jerking off with someone else" or whatever he claims to have done? I wouldn't. And you shouldn't either.
Take what you used to think was the probability of your boyfriend cheating on you for example. I bet you thought 0%, as in "he could never cheat on me." Well, he did and the chances for a second mistake are just as likely no matter how close to zero your guess is.
Take your dignity and walk away. If you need, I can send you a playlist of songs that will uplift/convince you to walk away! Just say the word
Even if you were falling short of the relationship, his actions remain unjustified because I'm sure he had every opportunity to make things work or explain to you your shortcomings (assuming you had any..). So why tolerate his methods of "strengthening" your relationship. Be smart. Diamonds may work on some women, but you're smarter than that aren't you?
If someone tells me they love me then it's going to be me and there should be no one else. Am I wrong to ask that the person who claims to love me and want to be in a relationship with me, stick to me and only ever look at me? I really think that isn't too much to ask. So why in the world would I tolerate him "jerking off with someone else" or whatever he claims to have done? I wouldn't. And you shouldn't either.
Take what you used to think was the probability of your boyfriend cheating on you for example. I bet you thought 0%, as in "he could never cheat on me." Well, he did and the chances for a second mistake are just as likely no matter how close to zero your guess is.
Take your dignity and walk away. If you need, I can send you a playlist of songs that will uplift/convince you to walk away! Just say the word
Even if you were falling short of the relationship, his actions remain unjustified because I'm sure he had every opportunity to make things work or explain to you your shortcomings (assuming you had any..). So why tolerate his methods of "strengthening" your relationship. Be smart. Diamonds may work on some women, but you're smarter than that aren't you?
See? you both make good points. I'm sooooo confused... 
I already listened to Carrie Underwood, Before He Cheats and right now i'm listening to Britney Spears, Womanizer... LOL
If you need, I can send you a playlist of songs that will uplift/convince you to walk away! Just say the word
I already listened to Carrie Underwood, Before He Cheats and right now i'm listening to Britney Spears, Womanizer... LOL
Men are horny beasts :[ Hasn't anyone ever told you that we don't have enough blood to use our penis and brain at the same time
Oh and I have a penis too so why doesn't he want to use it?
three_wish35
On the Prowl
OMG!!! HAHA, Womanizeeeerrr!! That may exactly be what he is.
Sooooo..? Needta' go!
If you're still confused...
Have a deep conversation with him and make a point to make it a serious let's-sit-down-for-this-one,-honey talk.
Don't yell. A little less CAPS and a little more clarity goes a long way.
Don't show weakness. Remember, this is serious! Although it's okay to cry
Try not to be confrontational but rather be candid:
Tell him how you feel about him, about your relationship, and about what he's done/doing to your feelings and your relationship.
And always keep in mind the philosophy I tried to convey through my first post! You can have an open talk with him but it doesn't mean you can't scrutinize every single word (alibi) that comes out of his mouth!
AND AND AND remember: "Death by chocolate doesn't exist... This I know because I lived... this is only right now...Death by crying doesn't exist... Though the headaches feel a bit like it... You might explode but you reach the end of the road, And you little tree, I am certain you will grow." (Sia's Death by Chocolate.)
If you need to, drown yourself in some Cat Power. Don't forget, it's okay to cry! But also follow that up with some P!nk! Her new album is based on her recent divorce so you know there's a lot of live in there..!
Good luck dear!
"Boy don't try to front, uh, I know just, just, what you are, ah, ah!"
Horschallen
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If I happen upon someone's email or letters, etc., I would discreetly avoid looking at or reading them myself. DOing so obviously has its destructive consequences. Everyone needs a release every now and then, even, alone without the partner.
bankside
JUB 10k Club
Everyone needs a release now and then but you should choose the kind of release that doesn't hurt the man in your life. If this guy wants to have a boyfriend and also sleep around, it is possible to find someone like that. But when you know your boyfriend is into monogamy and you tell him you are too and then sleep around anyway, it is the worst kind of using someone.
Laststraw21
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My advice: leave him.
It'll be hard but you shouldn't have to take that kind of stuff. Once a cheater, always a cheater, in my own experiences. And since he's continually been caught then that should point you even more to the exit.
It'll be hard but you shouldn't have to take that kind of stuff. Once a cheater, always a cheater, in my own experiences. And since he's continually been caught then that should point you even more to the exit.
Muscles4daze
Sex God
I agree you need to leave this guy alone, it's only going to get worst. The only thing that will change is the lengths he will go to deceive you so he doesn't get caught again.
MindBlast
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It's not that he's not happy with you, it's that he's not happy with ONLY you. He should have told you. It's obvious he can't deal with monogamy and you want monogamy. You each will have to find someone who wants the same things you do (either that or 3-way it up...I hate to suggest it but it works for some guys).
Dakarai
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Slimy, back-stabbng bastard - I would cut his dick off and feed it to him and set him alight with 10c gasoline!
He bought you diamond earrings and all was forgiven? How low can one stoop and buy something of no real emotional value?
Ditch the hooch and look for yourself another goose .. you know you deserve better so why put up with this shit? Just yesterday I spoke to some my cousin and a family friend and they both have kids except my cousin is married - he screws around like a sloppy dog on heat and his wife is fully aware of it but if he says shut up then she zips it - and the way they argue they both beat each other up and then things are all fine - real love people. The family friend is highly promiscuous and will screw anything on 2 legs .. yesterday we had a discussion and I asked them why do men cheat?
''It's in our genes to lust after something else maybe even better but that doesn't mean I love my partner no less'' BULLSHIT
And my cousin just stood up and had a very aggressive and arrogant demeanor and just left. I carried on talking to the fam friend and just later on let the converstation fade and leave it cause he would still squeeze a nut anyway. These kinda men are just evil PERIOD .. like dogs.. they don't give a shit about someone else only how far they can squirt thier nut up someones lovegut. No respect or sense of responsibility! These men do not love so disassociate yourself with them.. This poem sums love up in it's simplest forms and is still thhe most beautiful poem of love ever written :
"1 Corinthians 13"
1.If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels,
but have not love,
I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2.If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have a faith that can move mountains,
but have not love,
I am nothing.
3.If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,
but have not love,
I gain nothing.
4.Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5.It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8.Love never fails.
But
where there are prophecies, they will cease;
where there are tongues, they will be stilled;
where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
9. For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10.but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
11.When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
12. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
That man is just chipping away at your soul and you letting him .. forgive him and move on with your life without him because a human with real love would never cheat and you should also start being that human who lives life out of love - I believe in soulmates not many people do nowadays but I know deep down there is a man who completes me and in time I will meet him even if I don't meet him in this lifetime I know the next one I will, so time you stand up, take your broom an sweep him out and open that door up and let your soulmate come on in and scoop you up.
He bought you diamond earrings and all was forgiven? How low can one stoop and buy something of no real emotional value?
Ditch the hooch and look for yourself another goose .. you know you deserve better so why put up with this shit? Just yesterday I spoke to some my cousin and a family friend and they both have kids except my cousin is married - he screws around like a sloppy dog on heat and his wife is fully aware of it but if he says shut up then she zips it - and the way they argue they both beat each other up and then things are all fine - real love people. The family friend is highly promiscuous and will screw anything on 2 legs .. yesterday we had a discussion and I asked them why do men cheat?
''It's in our genes to lust after something else maybe even better but that doesn't mean I love my partner no less'' BULLSHIT
And my cousin just stood up and had a very aggressive and arrogant demeanor and just left. I carried on talking to the fam friend and just later on let the converstation fade and leave it cause he would still squeeze a nut anyway. These kinda men are just evil PERIOD .. like dogs.. they don't give a shit about someone else only how far they can squirt thier nut up someones lovegut. No respect or sense of responsibility! These men do not love so disassociate yourself with them.. This poem sums love up in it's simplest forms and is still thhe most beautiful poem of love ever written :"1 Corinthians 13"
1.If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels,
but have not love,
I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2.If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have a faith that can move mountains,
but have not love,
I am nothing.
3.If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,
but have not love,
I gain nothing.
4.Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5.It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8.Love never fails.
But
where there are prophecies, they will cease;
where there are tongues, they will be stilled;
where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
9. For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10.but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
11.When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
12. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
That man is just chipping away at your soul and you letting him .. forgive him and move on with your life without him because a human with real love would never cheat and you should also start being that human who lives life out of love - I believe in soulmates not many people do nowadays but I know deep down there is a man who completes me and in time I will meet him even if I don't meet him in this lifetime I know the next one I will, so time you stand up, take your broom an sweep him out and open that door up and let your soulmate come on in and scoop you up.
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Let's back up a second.
One thing that you didn't mention is whether the two of you had agreed to be monogamous. You cannot make the assumption that just because you're seeing someone that monogamy is part of the deal.
If the two of you agreed to monogamy, then you're dating someone who has a problem. It's not about you- it's about a big empty needy space in this guy that he's using you and his tricks to try to fill. He's an addict and he has no reason to change his behavior. And it's not going to get better. You alone can never satisfy his loneliness or his need. So, unless you want to be in a LTR with a cheater, it's time to move on.
If the two of you never agreed to be monogamous, then it's time to tell him that you expect this to be part of the deal. Make it clear what the consequence will be if he cheats. And if he cheats, you leave. No second chances. No giving in to tears and emotional manipulation.
In the meantime, don't move in with him. It's a lot more difficult to leave when your name is on a lease with a cheater.
theFallenGod
P-Chan love
Why do men cheat? For the same reason you see so many "open relationships"
Insecure little men who want their cake and want to eat it too. They will give you every excuse in the book to justify their ways but it comes down to insecurities...
They want the status of being in a relationship because it makes them feel like part of a special something but they are also fearful that it isn't going to last or that they are going to lose their "charms" and they have to continually validate themselves by going out and hooking up and having sex on the side knowing full well that if they don't get any that night there is always "old standby" waiting at home.
It's obvious he's got some personal issues to work through and you're better off leaving him to deal with those issues on his own because it's only going to hurt you in the long run if you stay with this guy.
Insecure little men who want their cake and want to eat it too. They will give you every excuse in the book to justify their ways but it comes down to insecurities...
They want the status of being in a relationship because it makes them feel like part of a special something but they are also fearful that it isn't going to last or that they are going to lose their "charms" and they have to continually validate themselves by going out and hooking up and having sex on the side knowing full well that if they don't get any that night there is always "old standby" waiting at home.
It's obvious he's got some personal issues to work through and you're better off leaving him to deal with those issues on his own because it's only going to hurt you in the long run if you stay with this guy.
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I could give you a long-winded Biological answer about why men cheat...
Or I could just say "That sucks, and I'm sorry. =("
That sucks and I'm sorry =(.
Or I could just say "That sucks, and I'm sorry. =("
That sucks and I'm sorry =(.
SoulSearcher
JUB Addict
Don't believe any "biological" reasons anyone gives you for promiscuity, people who seek to normalise such lowly behaviour conveniently forget to mention, that humans are also the only animals on earth that can practice self control. Be ready for more heartache if you are to forgive his misdoings. He's dirty and selfish. Leave him. I prefer that one be alone than be with someone like that.
