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Why do I get so jealous my BF goes on porn?

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billy118

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I am so paranoid my BF goes on porn when i'm not with him, it drives me crazy =-( I know he does, as most people do! And i've seen evidence on his computer.. but I almost feel like it's cheating in some ways =-( Ok it's not as bad when we aren't together but normally we live only 5 minutes apart and I guess it's times like that, I get upset by it!

How do you guys handle the fact your partners may go on porn?

Thanks!
 
I would rather he was using porn than seeing someone else without me knowing. I know my partner downloads porn, and it doesn't bother me at all.
 
I came out to my ex by letting him catch me watching porn. It was never an issue, it didn't mean we loved each other any the less! But then we believe there is more to love than sex, and still love each other dearly just not as a sexual couple any more. and as you say yourself "as most people do" so are "most people" also wrong.

I should examine your own insecurities, and see if you can't get rid of these jealous feelings by rationalising them away.
 
I've been saying for more than 20 years "sex and love are two different things".

The porn he's watching is just sex (and virtual, at that).

The guy he loves is you.

Get over the jealousy.
 
For a lot of guys, porn may have taught them some great tricks to try with their partners. You don't necessarily own every orgasm your BF has, particularly as I understand it, you don't even live together.

People always forget that jealousy is more about control, not about some supposed betrayal and hurt. Get over it. If you can't, you're going to be jealous of his other friends, his family, his work etc., etc.

Look, few of us are ever going to measure up to the attributes of the guys in the porn pics....if you do and he's still looking at porn, then you have reason to be worried.
 
danjjo said:
I've been saying for more than 20 years "sex and love are two different things".

The porn he's watching is just sex (and virtual, at that).

The guy he loves is you.

Get over the jealousy.
Click to expand...
:=D: Exactly!!
 
danjjo said:
I've been saying for more than 20 years "sex and love are two different things".

The porn he's watching is just sex (and virtual, at that).

The guy he loves is you.

Get over the jealousy.
Click to expand...
But I guess "the guy" wants to be loved (=adored) for his sex too.
 
danjjo said:
I've been saying for more than 20 years "sex and love are two different things".

The porn he's watching is just sex (and virtual, at that).

The guy he loves is you.

Get over the jealousy.
Click to expand...

I agree 100%!!!!!!!

If you continue with these jealous feelings, he could actually catch on, if he hasn't already. There is nothing more annoying than a jealous partner, especially one that is jealous of porn (Something like 90% of men love watching even in a relationship).
 
I don't mind at all that my bf likes porn.

But don't let these guys dismiss your concern by telling you to get over your jealousy as if it's something to be ashamed of or not important. Your feelings are valid, they're telling you about something you have to deal with, and brushing them off is a mistake.

I think you should have a conversation with your bf about this. Make sure he knows that you don't think it's wrong that he's enjoying porn but that it's making you uncomfortable and you want to fix that. Maybe if you looked at porn together, shared it, that might help? I don't know, you two have to find your own way -- lots of times people enjoy their porn alone. But the main thing is there's nothing wrong with enjoying porn, and at the same time your feeling jealous about it is normal. Basically, I'd say you're jealous that your bf is looking to other men to seduce him and you feel left out or in some way that your position as his bf is diminished or compromised. Or something along those lines. Talk about it and let him know what you're feeling and what you need -- but without accusation or criticism of him looking at porn.
 
Not at all, RL.
I've even bought my boyfriend (and previous ones) porn. It's no big deal to me.
 
I wonder if couples would be having sex more often if porn didn't exist? Instead of jerking off, we may be driven to driven to have sex with our partners more often, thus increasing the intimacy and connection in the relationship.

Instead we fantasize about people and get off, all without our partners being present.
 
billy118 said:
I am so paranoid my BF goes on porn when i'm not with him, it drives me crazy =-( I know he does, as most people do! And i've seen evidence on his computer.. but I almost feel like it's cheating in some ways =-( Ok it's not as bad when we aren't together but normally we live only 5 minutes apart and I guess it's times like that, I get upset by it!

How do you guys handle the fact your partners may go on porn?

Thanks!
Click to expand...

we share the same feeling..but i'd worry even more if he don't like it
 
RationalLunacy said:
Am I the only person who sees the irony in the fact that this thread was started on a message board directly linked to a porn site?
Click to expand...

No. You just got here before I did. ;)

But, in answer to Billy's question, you must remember that your boyfriend's balls don't stop working when you're not around him, and neither does his mind. It is not uncommon for men to fantasize even when making love with their partners. It's a fact of life.

As long as your boyfriend is surfing porn and not out on the street picking up one-night stands, then there is no problem that I can see. What can he do to a picture or a movie on the computer screen? Jerk off?

Like I said, his balls don't stop working. Leave him to his porn and don't let it worry you so much. There are many other things he could be doing which would be cause for genuine concern.
 
To me this is more a privacy issue. In every healthy relationship partrners allow each other time and space alone. What he does in his own time is none of your business. It would be a different matter if he was watching porn during time that you had arranged to spend together. How is it that you saw the 'evidence' on HIS computer?

Positive reinforcement is the solution to behaviour management and the best way to preserve your own sanity. Reward every instance of behaviour that moves in the direction you want to encourage; ignore everything else.
 
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