Why do I Hate Myself???

[Theit10101]

I know i was born gay but WHY? Sometimes i hate myself and then God and then I'm neutral and then then God and the chain continues. It would be so much easier if i wasnt gay but i am and i cant fight it. Just like the the closested guy (i think his name was aiden), im afriad of change and cant see myself comming out. Question....can gay guys really have staright guy friends?

Im a loner who really loves friends and i cant stand lossing them. I'm afriad if i tell my friends, they will abandon me. I have a lot more guy friends then girl friends and...

Im just confused about my life and waiting for something to happen if that makes any sense. Any advice please.

 

[radioian]

Dont be afraid of anything. You are who you are...........look, you dont care what your friends get up to in the bedroom, do you? Why should they care what YOU get up to in the bedroom??

If you tell them, then a true friend will stick by you. (Anyway, you dont have to tell them anything, if you dont want to).

I am a bit of a loner myself,but I am happy with my own company, anyway. Look at yourself, and look at what you like, and want out of life, learn all about yourself, and remember, that other people feel bad about themselves for all sorts of reasons. Being gay isnt a reason to fight your self over how you feel. Being gay is just that. You are attracted to the same sex. Everything else that affects/effects straight people will have the same bearing on your life, too-being gay is just a small part of your life. And it IS a small part--look at everything else in life, and dont lose sight of the" full picture", you know?

I have a couple of straight friends (and, anyway, was is "straight" ?--plenty of straight men get blowjobs from other men while in prison, school etc..) so dont beat yourself up about it. Youve your whole life ahead, and plenty of time to live, work, holiday, study, pay bills, drive , etc etc etc OH! and have great sex with other people.........

 

[bluepheonix]

I know i was born gay but WHY?

Because you just were, just like some animals are. There was no higher purpose, heterosexuality is not "normal", its just common, there is a big difference.

Sometimes i hate myself and then God and then I'm neutral and then then God and the chain continues.

Why should you hate anything? From what PARTICULAR grievance does this hate flow, keeping in mind "being gay" is not an answer in itself, I want you to think about this very carefully, and with any luck respond.

Question....can gay guys really have staright guy friends?

I've known my best friend for over 10 years, he is straight, he knows I'm gay, I'm not attracted to him sexually at all, so yes.

Im a loner who really loves friends and i cant stand lossing them.

If they reject you for being who you are then they were never your friends, those who mind dont matter, and those who matter dont mind.

Im just confused about my life and waiting for something to happen if that makes any sense. Any advice please.

Life doesn't 'happen' to you, you live life. You sound like you need to do some thinking about yourself, being comfortable with who you are, and loving who you are, then you can get out there and live life your way. Let me know if you want someone to talk to, best of luck,

Blue.

 

[Theit10101]

Its just that i let "being gay" control my life. Being in the closet sucks because i let it conrtol me and what i do. I tryed to stay away from "gay things" so that there are no questions. For example.. this is just an example but lets say i lwant to join the dancing club but because it is condidered "gay" i join the sports club instead even though i do not like them.
Im about to go to college in the spring and when i said im waiting for something to happen...i mean im waiting for something to happen which makes me see the real me....if that makes an sense... is this bad?

 

[Rand]

You hate yourself because you have been trained to do so. Conditioned much like Pavlov's dogs. There is just too much hate out there against gays for a person not to be conditioned, unless he has a loving family and/or loving friends.

If you want to hate, become a republican. Hating is a waste of time, but I'm not sure how you break the conditioning.

I do know that you do not have to accept the values of others. You can choose what attributes / way-of-live / values you honor and want to be core to your life. Being gay or being straight is not a value. Being honest, being kind, being self-centered or being money motivated are values.

If you can ever know what those core values are that make you happy and then apply and practice them, it will not matter if you are gay or straight. And, I doubt that you will be able to hate yourself.

I am sorry there is no easy answer.

Rand

 

[floating]

One of the best (and maybe only ways) to accept yourself is by talking to others and meet people like you in real life. Take it easy, step by step. It's a long and slow process to slowly break down the walls you've built around yourself all these years by pretending.

There won't be a 'miracle' event that will suddenly make you see the light. It took myself 2-3 years: chatting online with some people I trusted, making some new gay friends I could relate to and slowly accepting myself as the person I am.

Yes, you will lose some friends but yes, you will make a lot of new friends as well. Don't be afraid of that, throughout your life you will meet new people and get out of touch with old people.

You can do it!

Fred.

 

[maxxtri]

You are just at a time where you are starting to "grow" into yourself. Believe it or not, your friends are going through the same thing. Your experience maybe more complicated because of being gay, but it is something that every teen goes through. College is a time where experiences and life lessons will help you "grow".

In time you will become more and more comfortable with yourself and these feelings and you'll find your own way in the world. Just remember...there is no right or wrong way to be straight or gay. Go with what you feel comfortable with.

Also...a true friend will like you...no matter what. If a "friend" leaves you for being who you are, then they were never a true friend.

 

[Caaake]

NO negativity on yourself. please? there are soooo many more people that are gay that i'm sure you would never guess were. And just like you, they are holding it in cuz they are afraid. If everyone just came out, this society would be doing a lot better. Be strong! I'm finding more and more these days "straight" boys/girls are wrongly identifying themselves anyway. throw away the labels.. they don't mean one is actually what that word means. It's like girl and boy. Naked we dont look all too different as we do with the gendered clothing that many people stick to to give themselves an identity basically.

And if theres noone in your area that will except you for being sexually attracted to something, thats really their fault. Ignorance on their part. If they were educated, they would except you. But if not, go to a different location and find people who will except you! You know there out there! its just a matter of finding them. which can be hard for anyone, to find friends. But you got to!. Oh yea, see "Milk" too if you haven't!

 

[sean9999]

Aw, don't hate yourself. That really makes me sad because I lived that feeling daily - for years - before and during coming out and I know how corrosive it is. And it's useless. If you're gay your only choices are to embrace yourself and wade out into the world taking your chances OR stay closeted and endure a garunteed unfulfilled bitter life. So where's the choice? BTW I learned the lesson the hard way. Didn't come out till I was late thirties after having been married at about your age now. You definitely don't want to do that. That's lost time and pain all around.

Here's the thing. You hate yourself because the world has been telling you there's something wrong, nasty, diseased, crazy, just plain bad about you. The sooner you question and reject those attitudes the sooner you'll get that poison out of your system. Think about some openly gay celebrities you know. Are they worthy of hate? Why? Really? The only way to detox is to learn more about the queer world, make gay friends, someday find a guy to love who loves you back. We're all just human and love is love whether it's gay or straight or everything in between. You have to live it to really know it. And just remember - it's not you. It's them. They think they know us but they don't.

Last thought. Accept/embrace yourself first before you come out to parents or friends. You have to be strong in yourself before you face others who may have unpleasant reactions and questions. Stay calm. Don't be defensive. Matter of fact works. You first have to know within yourself that you're okay being exactly who you were meant to be and that there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

 

[torand]

I know i was born gay but WHY? Sometimes i hate myself and then God and then I'm neutral and then then God and the chain continues. It would be so much easier if i wasnt gay but i am and i cant fight it. Just like the the closested guy (i think his name was aiden), im afriad of change and cant see myself comming out. Question....can gay guys really have staright guy friends?

Absolutely you can have straight friends. I had a really hard time coming out myself, and I thought that if I told people they would hate me or something. This is because society ingrains into your mind that homosexuality is wrong, but that is just dumb. In hindsight, no one hated me, or was even uncomfortable; if anything it made them more comfortable around me because I was being honest. Almost all of my friends are straight (Or Bi and not willing to admit it, but that is a whole other story).

The only thing I struggled with was having straight friends that I thought were really cute, but I have gotten over that too, and have several of those.

Im a loner who really loves friends and i cant stand lossing them. I'm afriad if i tell my friends, they will abandon me. I have a lot more guy friends then girl friends and...

Im just confused about my life and waiting for something to happen if that makes any sense. Any advice please.

I don't know your situation, but if they like who you are, I doubt they will hate you for being gay. I thought the same thing, but it was just not true. Even if I knew someone who would not like me for being gay, they are not the type of friend I needed to have anyway, and fuck 'em!

 

[barryash]

I'm a closeted gay guy and all my friends are straight - i have no gay friends [ yet] and i'm pretty straight acting so i have no problems with that. If they really are your freinds then they won't dump you - and if they do then its their loss.

i KNOW my friends will be supportive but i too havn;t found the courage yet to come out - its so hard, last night i thought i would tell them and my lips practically froze

And god doesn't hate you - we are all born gay and don't have a choice, when i was younger i thought being gay was a sin but thats bull! we are born this way, and the sooner these bible bashers get that in their heads the better

I believe in God but have given up trying to rationalise this with hard core cristians. You won't be comfortable overnight when coming out i know that for sure but life will get better
cheer up

 

[StlKj]

If you believe in God and want to continue to believe in him/her, then stop asking why you are the way you are--you're not going to get that answer. You could instead ask God to grant you the strength and emotional fortitude to love yourself completely so that you can live your best life. You've been dealt the cards you have--now it's your decision how you're going to play them.

If you don't embrace who you are and what you are, you're not only going to be asking the very same thing in twenty years,but you'll also be filled with remorse and regret for the life you could have had, but didn't.

You also might read more about What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality (google that title, or even find that book). There are denominations that are very accepting of homosexuals, and you're living in a time when people are becoming even more accepting and supportive of us every day.

Embrace yourself and your life, not regardless of what you are, but because of it.

 

[bluepheonix]

Awesome advice all round!

Its just that i let "being gay" control my life. Being in the closet sucks because i let it conrtol me and what i do. I tryed to stay away from "gay things" so that there are no questions.

That is totally understandable, I think many of us have been there. When you're in the closet, being gay I found seemed to be a HUGE part of my life, if not the defining characteristic altogether, because I was always worried about someone finding out, it influenced every sphere of what I did. But then I, and you will too, realised that what I infact 'hated' about being gay was not that I was, so much as that I let fear of people knowing I was put a hold on my life, so it started to consume more and more my thoughts.

This is why you need to go over, in your own mind, your thoughts of what if anything is actually wrong with homosexuality? Why should I be ashamed? The answer really is that you shouldn't, you have to come to truly accept yourself so that you can say "I'm gay and goddammit I'm awesome!" Its that pride everyone talks about that will give you the strength to do what you need to do to get out there and start living your life. Remember, you're not a gay, your gay, ones an noun and ones an adjective, being gay only means your attracted to men, the rest is up to you.

Im about to go to college in the spring and when i said im waiting for something to happen...i mean im waiting for something to happen which makes me see the real me....if that makes an sense... is this bad?

No thats not bad, but remember that finding the real you is not a passive process, you have to be willing to get out there and try opportunities presented to you at college, and make some opportunities of your own.

Best of luck!
Blue

 

[breion]

Don't make yourself be part of gay, make gay be part of you. If you're going to stay in the closet, you should at least be open about having gay friends. It would take a load off your mind.

I'm in a different situation as you, because I'm bi. But, after almost losing control of myself over completely shutting out one half of my life from the other, and not vice versa, I decided that both sides needed to be aware. That said, it's still not equal. I've never told anyone from my "straight" life that I have sexual relationships with men. But, they all know who my friends are, gay or straight. It has made me much happier. I should also say that I am not much for commitment, so when Mr Right or Ms Right comes along, I might have another bridge to cross.

 

[djmyers82]

I used to be like you. In fact, I've just recently accepted the fact that I'm gay. I only have straight friends but I know they would be cool with it. I know none of my friends would stop talking to me over it because I've known them a long time and they are very open on things. Besides, I only surround myself with good people anyway. I would love to start hanging out with other gay people but I find that harder than making straight friends. Good luck to you.

 

[Theit10101]

Thanks...that kind of helped a lot. Great replys.

 

[G-Lexington]

You were born gay because that's the hand you were dealt. You were born male, you were born so-many-feet tall, you were born to these parents, and you were born gay. These are givens. These are things that are unalterable, and so it's best to simply accept them.

But in the case of being gay, I want to hasten to point out that it doesn't have to be some huge albatross around your neck. I'm gay. Everybody in my life knows I'm gay. And my life kicks everlovin' ass.

Would life be easier if you were straight? Perhaps. Mainly because you wouldn't have to go through the "coming out" process. But life would probably be easier if you were extremely attractive and ungodly rich, as well. But you (presumably) ain't, so you make do with what you got.

And yes, gay friends can have straight friends. I haven't sat down to figure it out, but I'm pretty sure my straight friends outnumber my gay ones. You know why? They don't care. They don't care what I do in my bedroom. They like ME, not my sexuality. I'm assuming your friends are the same. If I were to ask your friends "So, why do you hang out with TheIt?", none of them would say "Because he's straight." They'd say "Because he's fun" or "because he always makes me laugh" or "because he always listens to my problems" or whatever. If they like you straight, they'll like you gay. And if they don't, honestly, fuck 'em. No friend worth the word is going to let something like sexuality disrupt a friendship.

The key is not to bemoan and wail your lot in life - it's to make yourself the best goddamn life you can, given the cards you're dealt. I'm gay, klutzy, awkward, shy and unattractive. And I'm partnered, have plenty of friends, and love my life. It IS possible.

First step? Well, let's see if we can get two steps in one. Accept it. Look in the mirror every day and say "I'm gay". And say it until you can say without sounding like you're admitting to murder. Until you stop getting that queasy feeling. Until you say it the same way you say "I'm six feet tall" or "I'm 20 years old". Until it's just a fact. Because that's all it is - a fact. A datum. A piece of information about you. It's not a problem, it's not a disease. Your problem isn't that you're gay. Your problem is that you can't come to grips with the fact that you're gay. So keep working on that.

And secondly, LOVE being gay. When you fantasize about another guy, don't do it shamefacedly. When you look at porn and/or jack off, don't do it with a furtive eye and embarrassed look on your face. OWN it. LOVE it. Go whole hog into it. Think "Yeah! This guy's fucking HOT, and I'd love to bang him/be banged by him/whatever-you'd-like-to-do-with-him." And post-orgasm, STAY feeling good about it. Because there's nothing wrong with being gay, and it feels fucking great to live according to your programming.

Lex

 

[floating]

And secondly, LOVE being gay. When you fantasize about another guy, don't do it shamefacedly. .....<snip>...... Because there's nothing wrong with being gay, and it feels fucking great to live according to your programming.
Lex

I remember while struggling with my coming out that I went to the super market to do my daily shopping. I saw a guy there and thought. Wow, he's HOT. I walked on and a few moments later thought: OMG, I just thought a guy was HOT and it doesn't bother me at all. Got a grin on my face that stayed there the rest of the day.

It's seven years a go I think, but I still remember that moment, really a turning point.

 

[Lube]

And secondly, LOVE being gay. When you fantasize about another guy, don't do it shamefacedly. When you look at porn and/or jack off, don't do it with a furtive eye and embarrassed look on your face. OWN it. LOVE it. Go whole hog into it. Think "Yeah! This guy's fucking HOT, and I'd love to bang him/be banged by him/whatever-you'd-like-to-do-with-him." And post-orgasm, STAY feeling good about it. Because there's nothing wrong with being gay, and it feels fucking great to live according to your programming.

Lex

Lots of great advice in this thread, and Lex really nailed it here.

And like the previous poster said, it is such an amazing experience to be proud of who you are, and to revel in your gayness, in your attraction to men. To say to yourself, I don't care what other people think, but that is one hot man standing in front of me. (Please don't say it out loud, though. )