Why do I hate some gays?... (ranting)

[ixthrock]

Some guys, both gay and straight, have, or like, effeminate mannerisms. It's just a naturally occuring variant.

If you're homophobic, hating effeminacy in men is a way of continuing to identify with straight men, many of whom want men to act like their own preconceived notions of what men should act like.

Also, if you're afraid of being, or been seen as, an effeminate man, hating effeminate men is a way of disguising and/or dealing with that fear.

As you grow more comfortable with your own identity as a gay guy, so you'll grow more comfortable (or, at least, more neutral) about the issue.

this thread has occurred in so many different variations here at jub, it seems like there would be a sticky somewhere by now. obviously, its something we need to talk about, and keep talking about. those of us who have been "around the block" may feel uncomfortable seeing this question raised again and again because it reminds us of very uncomfortable feelings we experienced the first time we wrestled with this issue. I don't think it gets any more comfortable, WE just become stronger and develop our own answers/coping mechanisms.

the above quote is the most briefly eloquent response, and the most on-target, IMHO, that I have seen regarding issues of femininity and masculinity.

I started fantasizing about being physically close to certain male classmates probably about the time puberty hit, but when i was 18-19 the only men I could positively identify as gay were effeminate - i worked as a 3rd shift waiter at a diner and a local drag queen and her entourage came into the restaurant when the bar closed. I didn't like any of them; they were rude and catty and vulgar, and I was terrified that if I gave into my attraction to men I would wind up like them. I outgrew that fear when I met an out gay couple who were HOTTT and masculine (as I interpreted masculinity, at the time) and outspoken and nice, very cool people to hang out with.

I still contend there's nothing hotter than a butch man who can wear a skirt with style and panache, like a bruce willis or a russel crowe

*wanders off to fantasize about mini-skirts on the intramural field*

 

[Spensed]

^ Thanks for the kind words. Just to add that many straight men, who don't like effeminate men, also change their attitude if they actually get to know any. So part of it is just fear of the unfamiliar.

 

[eat-my-goal]

My stance on the subject

I have a dislike for men who are feminine, I don't understand it. If you want to act like a lass then get a sex-change. It has nothing to do with sexual orientation however the majority of feminine men are homosexual.

 

[Muskox]

It's a rare, strong individual who makes up their own character or personality. We are an exceedingly imitative species and as we grow up we look for examples of how to behave and we emulate role models to a great degree. We want to be unique individuals, but we also want to fit in with a group. It's an individual choice, and sometimes not even a conscious one, and we often pick and choose from a range of examples.

My personal feeling is that usually a man with rather feminine mannerisms has made a choice to proclaim to the world that he is gay. Out and proud and in-your-face, and it's a strong, ballsy choice. I say "usually' because I also know a man whom everyone immediately thinks is gay, but is in fact straight. There are very few 100% rules and diversity is the one universal rule in the natural world. As gay men, we are part of that diversity, and there's a lot of diversity in our subgroup. It makes life a hell of a lot more interesting. Relax and enjoy the show.

 

[nihilis]

Be yourselves, don't be fake!

I felt this way once too, about 10 years ago when I was really insecure about being gay. Now when I see guys like you described, I'm more apt to get pissed off when people are making fun of them than get offended by the guys themselves. Some people, gay or straight, are over the top, but so what? I tend to reserve my likes and dislikes for people I interact with on a daily basis.

As far as attraction though, I've yet to fall for one of these guys, I think it's because I like my men masculine, and if I found feminine attributes attractive, I'd probably try being with a woman. I know there are plenty of guys out there who feel differently though, and good for them.

 

[TygreBryte]

I personally feel certain that most of the guys who are "fem" are simply expressing "who they are."

If a person is rude and catty and vulgar, then don't like them for those reasons. I don't like *women* who are rude and catty and vulgar; why would I like men acting like women who are rude, catty, and vulgar?

 

[D-Base]

Be yourselves, don't be fake!

Maybe they are. Maybe that's how they fell comfortable (in women's jeans) and that's how they like to talk (with a lisp). The world is colorful that way. If you don't like them, don't look at them

 

[playboy2001]

I use to feel the same way...and thought the same thing. However, I never realized how ironic and egotistical it was of me telling someone who wasn't like me to be themselves because I didn't approve of their behavior.

 

[innocentbychoice]

I agree. I can't stand the very loud out spoken fem guys. I was in a store over christmas and there were these to guys who where black (seems black men that are gay, tend to a little to much sugar in their trunk than most) LOL. However I felt embarrassed, and felt this burn inside, to walk up and just pop them one.

I had to think, hey I am gay. Why would I feel like beating the shit out of these two guys for that. I know that there are all types, but over the top fem guys, just piss me off....

As for being attracted to a fem guy. No. If I wanted a women I would go and get a real one.

Wow...a gay guy wanting to beat the crap out of another gay guy juse because he's different and loud. What should we expect from str8 people then? No wonder there's so much hatred and crimes toward us.

Thank Gosh you didn't actually hit the guy.

 

[sb]

for fucks sake what is the world coming to when gay men act in a way that might make others think they are gay...

My stance on the subject

I have a dislike for men who are feminine, I don't understand it. If you want to act like a lass then get a sex-change. It has nothing to do with sexual orientation however the majority of feminine men are homosexual.

What a great idea... if you act girly you better go and cut your dick off and attach some tits.... I personally have a dislike for people who are pig ignorant and think they shouldn't speak.

I don't believe in the notion that one should not criticize. I think that's a big mistake. Sometimes people do need to speak out. Look at how the AIDS plague and drugs devastated the gay community. Things would be different if people spoke out and criticized earlier.

What the fuck are you speaking out about... people not acting, dressing, speaking in a way that you approve of is hardly a crisis or something that can be compared to the spread of AIDS or drug addiction.

All the gay men who have this huge problem with other gay men who aren't as manly as they are, should act like an adult and get the fuck over it.

 

[eat-my-goal]

for fucks sake what is the world coming to when gay men act in a way that might make others think they are gay...



What a great idea... if you act girly you better go and cut your dick off and attach some tits.... I personally have a dislike for people who are pig ignorant and think they shouldn't speak.



What the fuck are you speaking out about... people not acting, dressing, speaking in a way that you approve of is hardly a crisis or something that can be compared to the spread of AIDS or drug addiction.

All the gay men who have this huge problem with other gay men who aren't as manly as they are, should act like an adult and get the fuck over it.

there is "Gay" and then "completely stupidly other the top Gay"

 

[innocentbychoice]

there is "Gay" and then "completely stupidly other the top Gay"

I'm guessing you were trying to say "completely over the top feminine acting" correct? I think we would all appreciate if you stopped uncosciously perpetuating the myth that all gay guys act like women by just calling things by its names.

So I'll correct you:

there is "Gay" and then "completely stupidly over the top feminine acting guys"

 

[Lasosa]

My only problem with effeminate gay males is that it's the only representation that the majority of people see towards homosexuality. The majority of stereotypes and homophobic remarks all come back to effeminate gay males. I have no problem with them whatsoever (so each his own), but like I said, I hate how it's our primary representation as a culture.

I've never understood it either. I'm gay because I like men, not women. I just don't get it.

 

[dousedfirepants]

My only problem with effeminate gay males is that it's the only representation that the majority of people see towards homosexuality. The majority of stereotypes and homophobic remarks all come back to effeminate gay males. I have no problem with them whatsoever (so each his own), but like I said, I hate how it's our primary representation as a culture.

I've never understood it either. I'm gay because I like men, not women. I just don't get it.

I concur. (Kudos to you for realizing that this thread is in a "no flame zone" by the way.)

 

[USEDCAR]

Fem gay guys are usually mean. Ross the intern from Jay Leno is very very annoying i would love to beat him to a pulp

 

[Spensed]

Are people trolling around here or maybe I'm missing the intended irony?

According to some of the posts on this thread, it's ok to beat up on fem guys because they're mean and mislead people into thinking all gays are nelly queens?

That's plain homophobic and self-hating.

Guys acting all girly is their business. If that triggers dislike and fear in you (because you think you might really be all girly yourself or whatever), that's your problem and not theirs.

You don't have to like them, but you do need to treat them with respect, including in what you say about them. The same respect you expect to be shown by "straight" guys who "hate" gays.

Go forth and sin no more.

 

[rareboy]

Anyone who has a problem with fem gays is just afraid and embarrassed that somehow this will reflect on them.

I certainly don't hate stupid, racist, fucked up, homophobic gay people, although from the looks of things, the world is full of them.

Remember all of you haters. This is your problem. Just don't make it anyone else's. Okay?

 

[innocentbychoice]

It's only ok to be gay if you don't look or sound it it seems

I see what you mean but maybe you should find another words to say this. As I said to somebody else, saying this is like admitting that being gay is being feminine and that's not the case. There's masculine gays, feminine gays and a lot of people in between; we come in different sizes and colors.

When you say "Sound it" that IT in that context refers to being gay and we were talking about feminine guys so according to what you wrote: sounding like it=sounding gay=sounding feminine. Which is not true.

So I supposed you were trying to say: It's only ok to be gay if you don't look or sound feminine it seems.