Why do most gay relationships fail?

[theFallenGod]

I find that a lot of gay relationships begin with sex. Once you've gotten that there usually isn't any reason to continue. Even if the sex is good it's never enough to hold a relationship together, hence why there are quite a few open relationships. However I find that if you get to know the person before you jump in the sack you are getting to know them for who they are without actually basing it on the sex. Plus having sex with someone you actually care about is usually a lot better than having just meaningless sex.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

relationships are like plants....
they both need help growing.
i am sad that mine recently fall apart.

Which... your relationship, or your plant ???

 

[USEDCAR]

I think its just everyone is so desperate to get into a relationship and they rush into a relationship with out getting to know the person. And once they get into a relationship the guy does something that turns the guy off and bye bye relationship.

Even my friends and people i know are just so desperate for a relationship and when they are single they act like they are in hell.

 

[CowboyBob]

I guess I'm one of the exceptions also. I was with Dan for almost 20 years, and it ended in his death a little over 3 years ago. We got along so well and I miss him incredibly still. There's a tremendous void in my life that will never be filled again.

It takes a lot of patience, giving of yourself, trust and maturity. Most of all, it's respect towards your companion and you have to respect yourself. I always put him before myself.

There were lots of people who joked about how we would never last because we were so different, but we watched all their relations crumble and fall apart while ours lasted. If he were here now we would still be together, probably outside planting his garden or on a road trip.

Dan's main concern when he knew he was dying was what would become of me; how I was going to handle being alone. He put me before himself. It's love, sacrifice and respect. At least that's what made our relationship last.

 

[GL]

some of us can't even get our foot in the door. twice i've been close but even though i was willing to give it a go the other guy had a reason not to.

anyhow from my extremely myopic and very limited and poor vantage point i honestly think liam had it best:

I think by and large, promiscuity is less frowned-upon in our community and as such, many are more inclined to give into the little birdie saying "the grass is greener on the other side." I've been guilty of it myself.

of course i could be wrong but what do i know?

 

[altlover85]

To clarify, I mean whether in break up... or in death.

Nothing lasts forever.

I know some may consider that pessimistic, but I see it as realistic

Certainly that's true, but I would imagine death is a much different end than a break-up.

 

[Hollock]

most relationships seem to fail. We seem to be hardwired to not stick to one partner. Course i wouldn't know.

Spoiler

forever alone

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Because people are spoiled.

 

[Southwest85]

Gay guys tend to place too much emphasis on their sexual impulses. Over the years I've lurked here, I've see numerous threads questioning 'what's the smallest penis size a guy can have for you to date him' and seen most responses 7"+. Huh? Having a lover with above-average sized manhood supersedes true love and affection? True would would equate compromise and substitution. I guess some guys think lust is love... And some relationships are obviously lust-based (daddy dating a twink) and obviously will fail.

50% of straight relationships end in divorce.

It's estimated that only 15%-30% of first-time marriages for both parties will end in a divorce; marriages in which one party had previously been married have a significantly higher failure rate. But since much of this data is uncollected (forcing us to rely on surveys), we don't know for certain.

 

[EasyRory]

I suspect so many relationships end because people can afford to get out of them and resume an independent life. This may always have been true for gays, but it's a relatively new thing for straights - only over the last 50-60 years.

Before then people were forced by economics and divorce laws to stick it out; and often they built a reasonably successful relationship after the initial blush of love faded.

 

[altlover85]

Gay guys tend to place too much emphasis on their sexual impulses. Over the years I've lurked here, I've see numerous threads questioning 'what's the smallest penis size a guy can have for you to date him' and seen most responses 7"+. Huh? Having a lover with above-average sized manhood supersedes true love and affection? True would would equate compromise and substitution. I guess some guys think lust is love... And some relationships are obviously lust-based (daddy dating a twink) and obviously will fail.

We must be looking at different threads or something. On the threads I've seen on penis size, I've seen stuff like no smaller than 5" or 4" or something that's at least more reasonable.

I do know of some older younger relationships that have been going on for years, so just because there may be an age difference it doesn't mean it's doomed to failure. I suppose your definition of twink might come into play. The examples I know of concern guys 21 and older.

 

[alterego]

Well Mark.

After 29 years with my partner, I don't have the reasons why they fail.

But I can tell you why they succeed.

Patience.

Humour.

Compromise.

Only one drama queen at a time.

Shared interests.

My partner and I actually have spent 24 hrs a day together for almost every day since we got together. Unlike the guys that spend 8-12 hours apart each day.

Maybe that has something to do with it.

Maybe it was having a mortgage.

Maybe it was just having the farm we both love.

Maybe it was watching all the trainwreck relationships and marriages, gay and straight, around us.

Maybe it is because my own parents just learned to put up with the things they wished they could change about the other and just loved their partner including their imperfections.


And did I mention patience.

Not sweating the small stuff.

Realizing that 90% of it is small stuff.

Even with my first LTR...we remain friends to this day.

Very well said and quite beautiful! May I add that honest communication is key. If you can't communicate clearly and honestly then it will be doomed. Not being co-dependent on one another and having independence and time away from each other is important for a healthy relationship.

 

[metta]

The 95% number is not really fair. Many of the gay people that I know, they are not in a place where they should be in a relationship. Healthy relationships take work, they don't just happen. They take maturity and they both have to want to be in a relationship. Honestly, most people are not mature enough to be in a relationship.

Most gay people are fine with just hookups, which does make it really hard for people that are not into that. It has become so bad for me that I have a strong tendency to automatically not be interested in someone approaching me because I assume that is all they want.

 

[Shepherd 2]

It is the modern cultural mantra: "It is all about me!"

Shep+

 

[operafan]

A lot of wise things have been said here, but for me and the BF it came down to the fact that the relationship was what we both wanted and continued to want for 28 years. Sure there were ups and downs but we knew that we could depend on the other one for anything - the other person first. It has to be -- it's about you -- not about me -- both sides.

 

[thewiz]

I think there are a number of reasons why gay relationships fail; many have been touched on already.

I was in a "straight" relationship for 20 years thinking that if I immersed myself (eeewww) in vagina, I would eventually become "straight." I was prayed over, prayed with, and pronounced "cured" numerous times.

It helped that we conceived my son on our honeymoon. By the time my daughter was conceived 2 years later, we were having sex perhaps once every six months. We put our attention on and with our kids. I remember watching many other couples doing the same thing and away from the kids, they were mean and nasty to each other. Many, many older couples who now had the children out of the house lived in the same house but slept in separate bedrooms and had for many years; they were "together" in word only.

My ex in-laws stayed together mostly for security -- both financial and security; they feared being alone.

For gays, I think the fact that only in a few areas can gays marry (my husband and I fortunately live in one). There is still not universal acceptance of gays being visible or open like heterosexuals so when we travel we are often forced to act "separate" rather than together. I have also been amazed that when we tell people at clubs or bars that we are married, it is almost a challenge to try to hook-up with us. In the three weeks we have been married, I have probably been told at least 6 times that it would be "hot" to have sex with a married guy-- regardless straight or gay.

My husband has expressed fear that I will grow tired of him and want someone younger because I have many younger friends with whom I play in sports leagues. His three relationships all ended when his older partner found someone even younger than him. He worries that as he gets older, I'll want someone younger and "twinkier."

Many of the couples with whom we go out or know have "open relationships." We have talked with them and they said they rarely have sex with each other anymore but rather have chosen to bring someone else home whenever they go out (which is pretty much nightly). One couple said that they wished they had not had sex with just about all of their friends because it sometimes makes it uncomfortable.

Perhaps it is because gay sex is so easy to find -- bathhouses, Grindr, websites -- it is easier to get that satisfied from someone other than a partner.

 

[thewiz]

The fact I'm growing older with him would preclude that and as I've gotten older, I certainly enjoy looking at twinks but prefer a man...

 

[altlover85]

The fact I'm growing older with him would preclude that and as I've gotten older, I certainly enjoy looking at twinks but prefer a man...

And I'd like to add that I'm pretty sure at some point I you told me how old your husband is and he's not old at all and wasn't before you two met.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

From what I've seen over 95% of gay relationships fail. Why do you think this is? I was with a guy from 10 1/2 years and even that ended. It seems like to me that guys can't settle down with one guy. I know of gay couples who are in open relationships but they usually end as well. I like traditional relationships and I don't what to be in an open relationship. I'm usually very positive but it is hard to stay positive when gay relationships around me always fail. Is there hope?

Mark

make hollywood a movie ans invent gay folk what a wear martian antennas ans happy endin

ans after all see

make a million sellin antennas ta wear ons da head

 

[ibill1]

I met my Steve when we were 17 yrs. old on our first night in college in the 70's. We spent the next 35 yrs. together. I've been flying all over the world the last 30+ years and I never had eyes for anyone but him. He passed away 3 yrs ago. Relationships do last, it depends on how deeply you and your loved one are able to love. People are not always able to love someone more than themselves, and here lies the problem. He was number 1 with me and I with him. Above everything else on this earth.

If you can't put him above everything else in your life, it's not true love and probably won't last. Just the opinion of an older dude who has experienced a great love and is very grateful to have had the experience.