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why do most guys like the disappearing act?

A

azndude89

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Why!?!?? ](*,) ](*,) ](*,) ](*,)

I guess I'm a guy that likes closure on things.
Recently I've been talking to this guy and one day we text like no other, and then a couple days afterwards, nada. Only would get meaningless short texts, that would then eventually turn to the good o' disappearing act.

Yea sure, you lost interest; however is it so hard to say "hey, sorry but I don't think I'm interested anymore" <--- you can probably rephrase that better....
damn ](*,)
 
Because guys are assholes and at the end of the day, we're all a little self-centered.

I'll admit that I've been the one to disappear, and I've been the one that someone has disappeared from. Granted, once I "grew up" a few years ago, I stopped trying to be a disappear-er.

I think a big part of it is that no one wants to be a bad guy. People don't want to say that they aren't interested. We all know that at the end of the day, there's nothing wrong with not clicking with someone, either... and that's the funny part.

Some people also put more stock into the exchange than others. I met this guy at a bar one night, and he was on vacation here in Chicago. So we chatted, I was hospitable. He had no intention to move here, visit again, come to school here, transfer for work, nothing. He wanted to exchange numbers, and I was like, "Sure, if you ever come back to Chicago, be sure to hit me up." Granted, I never thought it would happen, but I would've gladly met him out for a beer or two. Three days later, he's back in his home state and he's texting, and we chatted a bit, nothing substantial, no heavy conversation.... small talk. I didn't respond to a text because I was at work, and all I got back "Wow, I thought we really connected when I was in town, I guess you're just a typical asshole." No, young man, I was at work, I didn't respond after two hours because I was at work, and you're 1500 miles away. I'm not out looking for penpals. Again, we just looked at it from completely different angles.

But I'm interested in what you said, azndude89, what is a better way to rephrase "hey, sorry but I don't think I'm interested anymore" without leaving the door open to that changing? I think thats what also makes it hard. If you're not interested, you're not interested. If you say, "...I don't think I'm interested anymore especially with everything I have going on right now because I'm so busy..." opens the door too "Well, when won't you be busy, I'll track you down then?" Unfortunately, the only way to do it is be blunt, and people don't respond to that very well most of the time.
 
I hate the disappearing act. its rude, childish, immature and simply mean.

everyone changes their mind. it happens and there's nothing wrong with it but grow some balls and let the other person know. after you've told them then its fine to stop returning calls/txts. really pisses me off when guys pull that shit. to just disappear is something a selfish little boy does. not a grown ass man.

Steven.
 
I dont mind it if i dont know the guy for long (a stranger i hooked up with, or a guy i know only for a month)

But i had one guy i talked with for a year and he did the disappearing thing that really bother me because well it was a year at least he could say something like: ''im not interested anymore bye'' he couldnt even tell me that i was too young. (i later got him to tell me why and he told me because i was too young )
 
I hate it as well, it's not hard to say to somebody that (reason here) you can't/ don't want to see them again. Instead you're left wondering why they never got back to you.

I guess I'm also a guy that likes closure on things.
 
Here's my take on that. There are very few assertive cultures. Most are passive/aggressive (meaning, ignore/confront). The assertive thing would be to take ownership of something and complete the action in a neutral, matter of fact fashion. Most of us tend to ignore or confront.

You'd be amazed how your life dynamic changes with assertiveness, defined and applied correctly.
 
Just recently a guy I used to hang out with just messaged me on Adam. He asked how come I stopped texting him. I told him that he stopped texting me. He gave me his new number. I told him I'd text him the next day, since I left my phone at my cousin's house. So I get my phone, come home, check the message to see the new phone number. I proceed to text, but then a screen comes up. The number I texted this guy at was the same number he left me on the message. So either he got a new phone or he just stopped messaging me and started again. I asked him if he got a new phone, and he said no. Possibly he never received my message? But if so, then wouldn't I get a failed-to-send message?

I replied to his message that I just sent a text message. I texted him and never received a reply. I checked the "sent messages" button, and the guy read my message. He most likely got my text, too. A couple of days later I asked if he was interested in talking or hanging out. No reply...

I know he's busy. He has a son and owns his own business. Good for him. But it seriously does not take a lot of effort to say you aren't interested. I agree with Seasoned (forever will I remember you as Sore knees :)) that most guys tend to ignore/confront. I suppose the majority of guys will ignore, though.

Oh, and it's sad when some guys just don't take the hint.

One guy messaged me on Manhunt. I told him I was not interested. He did have a great body, but that pressure to just fuck didn't make me feel comfortable. So he did a 180 and sent me hateful messages. A couple of days later he'd ask me how I was doing, and he said that we should get together because he'll be the best guy I ever had.

I'd still rather be upfront with someone and tell them I'm not interested. Now, if only I were more assertive offline as I can be online :(
 
I'm kinda dealing with this at the moment. I met this guy on a website and we clicked really well. The thing is though he's like 4 hours away in another city. He commented on one of my pics one day and so I messaged him saying I wish he lived here since I think he's cute. A week or so later I message him just asking how things been or whatever, he just reads it and doesn't reply. So I'm all ok, peace, whatever, not worth my time. So I'm online maybe a month after that, and I get an IM request. I look and see that it happened to be him. So we chatted and vibed really well, he gave me his number and even though I was/am extremely attracted to him, it took me a few days to get the nerve to actually text him. Eventually I did, and we chatted and vibed together really well. He would do his disappearing act sometimes but would always come back, but now after like a month of knowing him, I'm pretty sure it's over. It kinda sucks, and it does hurt a bit, but I'm better off than with someone who plays games. I figure he either found someone else or maybe lost interest. I kind of doubt the losing interest part since we had great convos and just got along really well. But it does hurt because of all the ideas he was putting in my head. Oh well, time to get over and move on.
 
I always hit this stuff head on. I just try to be direct and honest. People aren't used to it, and it may seem abrupt, but I just treat people like I would like to be treated.

I don't think dodging/skating is the way to handle something. You can politely tell someone you aren't interested. This way both parties are clear with the situation. I would never want someone checking sent mail, retexting, etc., just because I didn't have the guts to say what the deal was. I wouldn't want to be that guy, so I do what I can to be clear.
 
so i met this guy online, we exchanged numbers and began texting, for about 2 days we would text non stop. however i felt like i always initiated the conversations, so i stopped, after 5 days, still no response from him, but i still see him online. i gave him my fb. i messaged him again and he told me some excuse (sounded believible) and i asked if he's able to hang out. and he said that we could hang out this week. i texted him this week and he didn't respond. do you guys think this is another case of the disappearing act- or should i assume he was busy- but he had time to go on fb and the online dating site. I want closure, how should i approach him to see if he's interested in a friendship at all without sounding rude and desperate?

I hate overanalyzing everything!!!!! *sigh*
 
Maybe leave it for a couple more days then ask one more time, if he doesn't respond I'd just take it that he's not interested. Sure he might be busy but it's also reasonable to expect a reply without waiting that long.
 
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