Why do people my age...

[Lukeee]

No. I never understood people who searched for love, I think love is something that just happens. All my past partners were friendships that developed from there.

 

[ixthrock]

You know, that's exactly what I like about it, but I just didn't have the words to express it. I don't want someone questioning my every move; I don't want someone telling me what to eat or spend my money on; I don't want someone telling me to go to bed because they don't want to be alone.

is it not possible to find a partner who does not do those things?

 

[ixthrock]

people my age who jump from relationship to relationship because they think it will complete them. I really don't understand;

I've done that, and now I see my nieces doing it; one in particular. "Uncle George! Look at my new boyfriend!! Isn't he hott?" Oh, right, the ex-con tattoist. Well, Katrina, I hope this one doesn't hit you. You wouldn't want your daughters going home to their Dad and telling Him about it, would you? At least she leaves them immediately if they hit her and doesn't look back. Although I've never had a boyfriend hit me; just a "friend."

No, I am pretty complete on my own. In fact, it seems that there is so much involved in being me, that I have more than enough workload for one person.

 

[ixthrock]

So you mean find someone who leaves me alone for 23 out of 24 hours of the day?

EDIT:

On a more serious note, I'm intensely private. I can't stand someone who's in my business. I need a lot of private time to myself to destress from my daily existance.

lol. I hear ye. Michael and I both can't reach each other for days, apologize profusely, and tell each other, "no, it's okay, I do the same thing."

 

[asian87]

That's a good point from Lukeee. Even though I totally agree with you, I understand that people seeks love for the sake of a strong relationship coming about.

From my experience I think they are looking for emotional comfort and support. The early twenties are rough times you know. They're still learning about themselves and perhaps just can't stand the idea of being alone to overcome these problems.

Also, another thing that added to this need of me desperately looking for a relationship was simply because I'm not likely to meet gays here. Was just trying my luck and would hopefully find someone more sooner than later.

 

[ixthrock]

There is to a degree.

However when pair bonds are formed most people want to be in contact a good percentage of the time. they want to know what the partner is doing, perhaps why, maybe they'd like to join, maybe they want to do Y instead of X at 3:30 instad of 5:00.

There is a dynamic wherein one feels a need or desire to have a connectedness with their partner, hence "pair bond". And I like many people have no desire to have this type of interaction. I do not want to have to answer to anyone but myself for what I do, and when I do it, and how I do it. As inoccuous and benign one might think it is to ask "where are you going so early in the morning?", it really does grate on my nerves. I am a wholly autonomous unit.

"i'm going for a bike ride?"
"why?" (another seemingly benign response)

I'm going because I want to, I woke up at 2:30 am and thought to myself "hey i'd like to go for a bike ride... SO I'M GOING. I'm going because as my grandfather says "I'm free,white, and 21."

In relationships there is a sense of having to answer to your partner for things you do.


And, I know there are plenty of other people just like me who feel the same way, that I could easily get into a relationship with. "Let's go to a movie tonight."
"I'd rather not."
"why?"
because if I wanted to go to a movie I would....

other than this, there is no way I can explain it.

okay, yeah, i get that. I agree. All that police state crap is just that and i want none of it.

 

[GL]

Am I entirely alone in this viewpoint?

oh i don't think you are but don't be too hard on those who jump from relationship to relationship. i think the fear of being alone can cause one to make decisions they might regret later. lord knows in the past that same fear has made me make some questionable decisions of my own. sometimes it takes a while to realize that person wasn't what you were looking for and at some level never really wanted. you just didn't want to be alone.

 

[Lukeee]

In high school my friends (mainly girls) were constantly flicking through boyfriends. I had one who would switch boyfriends in a few hours and only kept them for a week or so. It wasn't love, it was just sad.

I would rather wait a lifetime for someone special than be with lots of people who I don't love.

 

[Fucker29]

This is an extremely common issue...absolutely regardless of age.


I value my time alone a LOT...and I can't handle having someone with me 24/7...it's like having a dark stormy cloud hovering above you...totally makes me feel claustrophobic. However, I long for closeness and deep intimacy with someone. I need both things...sometimes I need to be alone, sometimes I need to be with people.
As much as I value my time alone, I'm tired of being alone...it's too much already...because since I feel the need for both things, I feel a great unbalance. But that's me...different folks, different strokes.

 

[GL]

An entire thread says it all! This thread as I read it, Is one of the key reason that Proposition 8 in California Failed for Gay Marriage rights. There's no Relationship Commitments- No one wants to commit themselves to another. My older Brother and his Partner has been together for 19 years. They care enough for each other to give space when needed.

talk about painting with a wide brush.

 

[Fucker29]

An entire thread says it all! This thread as I read it, Is one of the key reason that Proposition 8 in California Failed for Gay Marriage rights. There's no Relationship Commitments- No one wants to commit themselves to another. My older Brother and his Partner has been together for 19 years. They care enough for each other to give space when needed.

Really? I fail to see relationship commitments in straight people as well...yet, they have the RIGHT to marry. Ironic, isn't it?

 

[asian87]

Excuse me? You're saying that because I don't want to jump on the cock of the first gay guy I meet means that I don't want to commit myself to someone? Please tell me if I'm wrong.

Well. Not totally true but it is. You're likely to be saving that important thing because you want it to be as a lifetime souvenir, or possibly for something that will last. Only you can answer this.

I'd say that you want to have your first time with somebody you will care for, but for the nonce you just don't want to be committed because you prefer enjoy freedom.

 

[screwnutty]

I'm more than prepared to never have a relationship if I don't ever feel ready for it, and I'm also happy to die a virgin if I never make that kind of connection with someone.

Am I entirely alone in this viewpoint?

You are not alone. There are plenty of us that feel the same way. Don't let people tell you how you need to live your life, or feel, or anything else. When the time is right you meet that person. And if you don't, oh well, being alone for the rest of your life doesn't mean you didn't live a full life with friends and such. Yeah somedays I like to share my life with somebody that cares for me and such. hell these days I just like to have a friend that's gay to hang out with and talk to. But if it doesn't happen so what. I still have friends and I have JUB.

So hang in there Swiffer. You are certainly not alone. Feel free to PM me any time that you do feel alone.

 

[puka-pride]

I really want a relationship... but i'm picky about who I would get into one with

I have this rule...

3 dates and then i decide

if after 3 dates I am still interested in the person then i will pursue them exclusively (meaning i won't go out with other people) and then I will try and establish and relationship with the person...

i've rarely gone past 2 dates.... thus i am single

 

[Corny]

There is to a degree.

I must have had a few lucky catches then

 

[screwnutty]

I really want a relationship... but i'm picky about who I would get into one with

I have this rule...

3 dates and then i decide

if after 3 dates I am still interested in the person then i will pursue them exclusively (meaning i won't go out with other people) and then I will try and establish and relationship with the person...

i've rarely gone past 2 dates.... thus i am single

That's a good plan! It's so true. After three dates you should have enough information and feelings to know if the guy is going to be more, a good friend or somebody that you dont ever want to see again!

 

[Jory]

Swift it not just people your age it is single most ages we are constantly bombared that we need that someone special in our lives from our family asking us when we are going to get a boy/girlfriend Then they're are friends who find that someone special in their live and the first person who is out of their live usually is those friends who are single So there is another pressure to find some one because although most of these thread state I just love having my independence and being alone... But do you like being lonely?

 

[G-Lexington]

Am I the only one who NEVER got this?

My brother, my sister and I - none of us were big "daters". My sister had a couple serious boyfriends and a few more "casual" ones before she married. My brother had fewer - only a couple before he got married (at age 35). And I just had one on-again, off-again boyfriend before meeting my partner. At any given time, all of us were more likely to be not dating than dating. And I don't recall ANYBODY giving us any grief for it. I certainly don't recall anyone asking why I wasn't dating...

Lex

 

[AngelFromAbove]

Swift it not just people your age it is single most ages we are constantly bombared that we need that someone special in our lives from our family asking us when we are going to get a boy/girlfriend Then they're are friends who find that someone special in their live and the first person who is out of their live usually is those friends who are single So there is another pressure to find some one

I would not say that there is pressure as there is reinforcement. Whether it is our peers, family, or media, there's always an idea that one should either be in a relationship or searching for a relationship, especially if one's a female.

Am I the only one who NEVER got this?

My brother, my sister and I - none of us were big "daters". My sister had a couple serious boyfriends and a few more "casual" ones before she married. My brother had fewer - only a couple before he got married (at age 35). And I just had one on-again, off-again boyfriend before meeting my partner. At any given time, all of us were more likely to be not dating than dating. And I don't recall ANYBODY giving us any grief for it. I certainly don't recall anyone asking why I wasn't dating...

Lex

I grew up the same way. There really has not been any pressure from my family to date. If anything, there was pressure from people outside of my family such as single females who wanted a relationship and noticed that I was happily single.

 

[Maievs]

You are not

I am 20 and I feel the same way you do relationship and virginity wise

I have never been in a relationship because I feel like relationships should only be with people you WANT a relationship with and somebody you feel something for and not just go into a relationship for the sake of convenience, that's how breakups happen and hearts get broken